Do I tell him I messed up??

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by ThePhantomLady, Oct 25, 2015.

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  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    My boyfriend is getting better... but he's going through some stuff... health wise, that also affects his emotions...

    He knows I have issues with cutting. He has seen my scars, and he knows how ashamed I am of them... and how hard I do try to stop.

    When we first 'got together' I strongly warned him about getting feelings for me because of this. I'm not stupid. It's hard to care for someone who uses pain and knives to solve problems.

    Most of the times I have messed up I tried to hide it from him... but he can see straight through me.

    Some of the times he couldn't handle it. He gets panic attacks...

    And some times he's been amazing, helping me through it... trying several therapeutic methods.

    I've got this issue that when I break a glass or something the shards are... tempting... and he's planning on training with me so that it won't be so... so that in the future my clumsy self can break a glass and just clear it away like a normal person.

    It wasn't what happened Friday night... I had to do something before I killed myself after this horrible weekend. I had to...

    I hate that I did it. I really, really want to stop. I want to be stronger.

    But... it's probably a stupid question, but should I hide it from him? He's finally getting better, I don't want to be the one that ruins that.
  2. Lazarusz

    Lazarusz Member

    It's complicated, I think.
    If you tell him, you could be selfish, since your boyfriend's improvement should be enough for you; his improvement must be your stimulus to get better. According to some idealistic theories, at least that's what love is all about: sacrifice.

    But if you don't tell him, that could be worse for you, therefore, for him as well. Sometimes you need a hand that takes you out of the mud. But be careful, the two of you might drown while holding hands.

    You should get someone else you can talk to. I know, it's not easy to confess that you like cutting yourself, but it's not improbable to find someone. Two crutches are better than one.
  3. It is important to be honest. You can wait until he is more stable but you need to be honest. Also I agree you need to find another person that you can talk to. It will be hard to find someone that you trust enough to do that and don't rush but look and develop relationships that will be healthy and that you can talk to.
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