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do i want help or not?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Apr 29, 2009.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    So today I wen to my doctor/therapist and told him a little bit more about my suicidal thoughts, he wants me to go the hospital. This afternoon I pleaded with him not to send me there, but now I wonder if I should be? I just don't think hospitals are very useful, and until I actually attempt, I feel silly going. There just thoughts, granted they are not normal thoughts, but still there just thoughts. Hardly seems that I am in imminent danger... I am so confused, I feel tortured by this pain and constant ache to die, but then again, what can anyone do to help that go away? Sitting in a hospital and rotting away for a few days hardly seems like the answer....I just don't know what to do. I see my doctor on Friday, if I make it until then...I just don't know.
  2. asri

    asri Well-Known Member

    what does he want u to go to hospital for hun?

    i have read quite a few posts here that say that being admitted has really helped them a lot. what r u so scared of?
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I agree, what is it he wants you to go to hospital for?

    Hospitals can be used for crisis times, for treatment, med adjustments, etc. Maybe if you could understand more about it it might help you make a decision.

    Also, maybe you could ask to go and see it? If you feel that might help?

    You sound like you do want help, but maybe that going into hospital is a big step and means acknowledging how bad things are?

    If you are feeling like you're in a place where you may not get to Friday, then you are in a serious place and the doc was right to consider it.

    Do you lose anything by going?

    Do you gain anything by staying out?
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hey. hospitals are never fun. I went three times to the psych ward (as a preventative measure, I've never attempted). Now I'm realizing the difference between thought and intent. The fact that you said you don't believe you are in "imminent" danger to me says you don't need to be hospitalized. When you've got a plan, when you have a date, when you know you're going to do it, then check yourself into a hospital. Of course it's not pleasant but it's not horrible.
    I actually made a couple really good friends from the three times I was there. Two of them I ended up dating lol.
  5. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I have a plan, but no set date or time, each day is torture and I just think about killing myself about 70% of the day. It could happen at any moment, I am never sure how much more I can take. I want to believe I am strong and able to fight this, but I feel like I am dying inside.

    my doctor was scared because I was talking about how yesterday might have been the last day I see one of my friends who I had lunch with and how that made me feel.

    I am in so much pain, I really think not being alive is really the most merciful thing I could do for myself right now. What else is going to make it better? I am on meds, lots of therapy, but nothing is helping, I am still unbearably sad and exhausted with life.
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    it's a good question when you know what help is out there and you've been in hospital and you know what to expect.

    i feel very similar.
  7. Advent

    Advent Well-Known Member

    If its any conselation, I too was the same way not 3 hours ago, that was until I came here and read through the posts on this forum.

    Now that might sound like a off the cuff remark, but its not.

    I read about all the folks here that are really trying to give it a go, I myself take things on a daily basis as I find that easier than trying to plan ahead. However its the planning ahead is I feel that is required for me to feel better - to look to the future , we all have issues that sometimes really get us down, god knows I know I have. But PLEASE try to take 5 minutes to think through things. Its never easy (and never will be) to reason with yourself sometimes, I always think of the folks who will get left behind and that ALWAYS saves the day for me.

    Please just keep on posting here, so we can sort stuff out.

  8. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    thanks Rich, I think your wisdom about waiting things out is wise and proved to be true today for me as well.

    I still don't feel great, but not in such a dark dark place, trying to let myself dream again and think about the future and possibilities even if it scares me.

    It just sucks fighting this wish to die, it takes so much out of me, so much energy just to keep on breathing.
  9. Starkissed

    Starkissed Member

    Hey. I know what you mean when you say you wonder whether or not you should go to the hospital. I've had this conversation with myself and my mom countless times. It's really a confusing decision to make and I'm just as scared as you sound.

    I also think that Rich had a point, about looking to the future and thinking about those that would be left behind. One of the only reasons I'm still here is because my mom is suicidal sometimes too. I'm afraid that if I take my own life, then she'll do the same.

    Hang in there. We're all here for you.
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