Do I want to die?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bleedorange, May 27, 2007.

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  1. bleedorange

    bleedorange Member

    Do I want to die? Not really. But what I WANT is a life worth living and it seems, especially right now at 3 am on a Saturday night that it isn't.

    I haven't had a single girlfriend in my life. I'm 22. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I haven't even had sex. This is going to make it even harder and more awkward to attain one. I got fired from my job a few months ago, and now I am down to making min. wage and despite multiple job interviews, I have yet to get a new job.

    I have asked many girls out before. Every one has turned me down. Imagine from when your just 17 all the way to 22... every girl you've ever liked. I had given up recently but I met this wonderful girl named Elizabeth who made me feel terrific. We had so much in common but when I asked her out she said "I don't feel for you in THAT way." WhAT THE!?! I've heard that before and all I can figure it means is I'm UGLY.

    So that must be why I can't get a girlfriend. I'm ugly. UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY.... and no matter how GOOD OF A PERSOn I may be nobody is ever going to want me. And I don't care what I do in life if I have no one to share it with.

    A.K.A. --> I don't care if I LIVE. I asked another girl out tonight even after that recent one and she said no too. So that means over fifty girls now have turned me down in a row. What's the point?

    Besides that, I almost have no friends anymore. I find myself waking up with no one to talk to... eating lunch with nobody... going to town, supermarket, stores, everywhere I go is just me by myself. It makes me so lonely.

    All i want is more friends, a girlfriend and a nice job. why doesn't it happen. why am i so unlucky as to be like this.

    without friends and people who care about you there is nothing. it's not just that. i'm ashamed of myself. i can't even talk to people i used to be friends with online because they may ask what i've been up to and what do i say? working at mcdonalds and living with my parents while single and alone!!??! Yeah, how's your stupid marriage and nice house you just bought!!

    My family isn't very big and they are the one thing that is still good in my life. But that alone may not save me. I don't think I'm gonna make it much longer. Eventually I'm gonna give up.
     
  2. bleedorange

    bleedorange Member

    When I ask girls out... I'm paranoid these days... I actually believe they're laughing at me in their head at the notion that I would date them. Is that messed up or what.
     
  3. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    ..hey dont give up please, i know deep down there is a girl that for you and will make u very happy i believe that. and bleedorange i would like to be your friends, do u have msn here mah address danni931@hotmail.com

    if u ever feel alone i'll always be there for ya no matter what cause that what friends r for.
     
  4. afterlife

    afterlife Guest

    I feel u, im making shit wages for my current 23yr old age, cause i didnt complete post secondary(i sucked in HS to.) what did u previously do? i never had girl either, nor a DATE let alone being a virgin choir boy.

    as for the ugly part i aint going to lie, perhaps u might not be the biggest looker, neither am i. but 50 rejects is pretty harsh, ive had ZERO, cause i never asked or tried(but the reason is, you can tell whos kinda in your league or not, so i dont ask the ones i wanna date)

    the ones i guess ment for me, i look down upon them to. geeky ugly fat nerdy girls, even tho "beggars cant be choosers" and "birds of feather flock together" apply to me. im bit ashamed to, luckily i dont care for friends really, i just want hot girls to like me. buddies u can casually talk to, u easily can make/lose to me IMO.... only getting girls deserve brownie points.

    but good luck nevertheless

    :/
     
  5. bleedorange

    bleedorange Member

    I completely understand where your coming from. You want to know what's really absurd. I'm surrounded at work by nothing but good looking Abercrombie model type girls AND guys. The girls are super hot and the guys (I'm not gay but you can tell) look like models.

    I feel like a geeky outcast in this sea of better looking people. And I try to get to know the girls, but they probably think I'm lame.

    I'm worse off tonight then when I first posted this. I have a weird overbearing feeling of loneliness and hopelessness tonight. I've already cut myself.

    I'm thinking about finishing myself off. I just don't want to be alone.
     
  6. bleedorange

    bleedorange Member

    does anybody care?
     
  7. Dirk Diggler

    Dirk Diggler New Member

    It seems like not having a girlfriend is a recurring topic on this forum. I'd like to add that I'm 22 and have never had a girlfriend, and I'm sure its contributed a lot towards my depression. You say youve been turned down all these years, but at least you have the courage to keep asking- I dont have the balls to take even that first step. Kudos to you for trying.
     
  8. bleedorange

    bleedorange Member

    Doesn't mean I'm not scared shitless every time. I just go for it in the hopes that I will get a gf... or at least get laid. Either one would probably help me out. But I think it may be worse to have asked so many and been rejected so many times. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. I thoguht a girl I knew liked me and I posted a message on her myspace... then another pointing her too a place where I had written some music. But she deleted my second comment and I'm guessing she hated my music or something.

    Either way. I realize that she don't like me either, and if I ask her I'm going to have to add another to the list... i'm starting to feel woozy and diszzy.
     
  9. bleedorange

    bleedorange Member

    The loneliest thing about my life is knowing all these people I know at work and what not have lives of their own... with friends and girlfriends... and when I come home I have the internet and television. :(
     
  10. breathe17

    breathe17 New Member

    sooo what do you look like?
     
  11. I feel for you man. Ugliness is the bane of my life. It has cost me many potential friendships, let alone a girlfriend. I wish I could live the life of a beautiful person for just ONE day. Then, girls would be staring at me in lust rather than in disgust.
     
  12. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    When I was your age, I rented whores. They made me happy.
     
  13. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i happen to be one of the few women out here that don't look at a guy for what they look like but for who they are as a person. polite, confident, understanding that sort of thing. i think that is much better looking than how any guy could look.

    don't give up. there are some of us out there that see people for what's in their hearts not their bods. take care
     
  14. hecte

    hecte Active Member

    hmmm Im not a virgin but I can say that getting laid wont help.

    I always think of the proverb..."Your own happiness is dependent on your outlook on Life"

    If you always think "Im ugly and I cant find a girlfriend and no one likes me" Then your certainly not going to be a very happy person and its going to be much harder to find a girlfriend.

    For some reason what helped me was the fact that I stopped caring about my life..It made me stop caring about needing a girlfriend, needing a nice body, needing a great job, needing peoples acceptance, needing love (NOTE: I deffinetly wasnt moping around and projecting my sad feelings onto others though! Dont ever do that it doesnt help!)...I guess I figured my life is shitty so why give a shit about anything that happens in it. Somehow that turned everything around. I became happy because I became comfortable with myself and the way my life was...I didnt have to control everything. Gradually everything I had wanted just came to me. So I guess thats the secret to it, dont try and force anything in life because youll only dissapoint yourself. Just let go of that control you want.
     
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