Do I want to stop?

[Forgotten_Man]

I had been doing that as part of my not drinking. In fact, I did it while I was drinking i the past and eating healthy tends to work the same way my not drinking works. I do a very good job, I weigh all my food and use a calculator to calculate my intake. I am very strict and plan my diet very well. Then something happens and I just shrug and go off my diet. This always happens, I guess I need to focus a bit more on it. I do not know, I think it is just a cycle with me. I do well for a bit but then give up and get back on for a bit. Not long enough to do any real good just long enough to feel like I did some good. I am feeling pretty anxious and depressed today. However, it is about my drinking so I think I might be going back on that cycle. I wonder how long I can keep it up?

With the drinking all this week I have felt extra anxious for some reason. Almost to the point of panic and that has not been good for me. So I think I need to get off the booze and back onto my usual routine of eating healthy and stuff. Otherwise, I am not going to feel better. These bits of panic are really annoying that is for sure.

 

[Wispiwill]

Sounds like you run out of steam on projects. Perhaps you could have a project whereby you make a note of how long your other projects last for. A detailed account of how quickly you run down, what it feels like, what you think might start the slide. That kind of thing? If nothing else it will give you something to focus on (apart from your other projects) and it might show a pattern.

Anxiety isn't fun. I panic over the smallest things. I try the long, slow deep breaths thing - it sort of helps. I'm sure you probably do that too. Other than, the only thing that sort of helps is going over everything that can happen and making sure I've got a plan for it. That and pointing out what the worst thing that can happen is - it's usually something pretty dumb and not serious at all. Doesn't make me feel better but gives me something else to feel as I end up feeling monumentally stupid for worrying about something so petty in the first place. Any of that help at all?

Good luck with the not drinking.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Taking on too much is a bit of a problem. Though I do like that it focuses me keeps me in line. The only way I managed to lose weight the first time around is because I spent thousands of dollars on a personal trainer. Sadly I do not have that kind of money at the current moment in time. Plus I am not a huge fan of paying someone to keep me honest. However, doing the new diet, fasting, and not drinking might be overloading me. I guess I could dial my obsession with the diet back. I am trying to hyper-focus on this game series that I have been playing. I still have at least 2 more entries in the series before the latest, English version, comes out. I am not sure what else to do. I have so many things I want to do but if I spend time equally on them then I will get nothing done. If I focus on only one the rest of the tasks do not get done.

The panic for me now is not getting my contract renewed. Last year it came down to the wire, which would have meant I would have had to do all my onboarding again. I am happy he is getting things done sooner. However, when I get stuck on problems and I appear to not be making much progress. I always wonder if he is just going to say "Nevermind". I can list the reasons why that is not going to happen, but I guess it was beaten into me by my mom that the company just sort of always wants to fire you.

Thanks for the encouragement and advice it has been helpful to at least get the thoughts out of my head.

 

[Wispiwill]

You could keep a record of your health on here, where we can all see and that might help keep you working at it (and it's free).

One project at a time, then - or at least to start with. I tend to focus on one until I get into a routine with it and then I feel free enough to start another one. Sometimes I end up dropping the first one as the new one takes my interest - sometimes I can keep them both, but there usually is a primary interest.

I don't think company's want to fire you - I think they prefer it if you quit. It costs them less and there's no chance of you suing them for wrongful dismissal.

Sometimes it can help to get things straight. The simple act of writing things down (or talking) means you have to get the thoughts into some kind of order.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

I wrote my own little tracking program I noticed a while back that if I do not appear to be losing the weight or making gains at the pace I think I should that demoralizes me. So this one just stores the data and I have to take the time to manually retrieve it because that is a bit more difficult than just clicking the button.

Yeah, I know that firing someone is a lot more expensive which is why I am still concerned because I am on a contract, technically. They can just let it expire and not let me know till the day before, as stated in the contract. Which comes with a whole other set of concerns for me. So it would be nice to know if I need to incorporate job-hunting into my current routine because it can be difficult to get back into the swing with that. Plus it looks better to do job hunting while you are employed.

My days are getting slightly better, granted I think that is because yesterday I had no errands or chores or concerns so I could just sit around and do whatever all day and not have to think about anything outside of eating which was nice. I guess I should do a better job of collecting my thoughts about wanting to die.

 

[Wispiwill]

I don't think you're alone in finding that not losing weight demoralises you. It's good that you've tried to find a way to stop that from being a problem.

No reason why you can't have a look at the job market while you're waiting for them to decide. It'll give you an idea of how things are currently and, if they catch wind of it, might make them realise that they need you. Maybe?

Glad you managed to have a better day. Feel free to talk about anything you want here (except methods obviously).