We'll see................ I'm thinkin of severe self harm, permanant self harm actually, too horrible to explain around you all. Why do I hate myself? It'd be severely painful & I don't know exactly why it comes to mind that I deserve this... it'd be cruel & unusual punishment if I did it to another I'd go to prison. Fear not, I only think of me suffering I deserve it.... I feel like a failure, in life. I must be takin all the anger out on me. If I admit these thoughts to my doctor, I'm a danger to myself & I have to stay in a room and be watched for weeks to get to a program where there is no freedom, only routine. I feel horrible there.... but feel horrible now... there is no help... I'm gonna die. If my idea becomes a reality my whole life changes, & not for the better, the harm will never heal. Why am I alive to suffer mentally like this? Not to mention the physical suffering I would go through, this is the most horrible thing I could possibly do to myself. It'd be less cruel to kill myself.