Do opposites truly attract?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Mar 16, 2016.

  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Whether in the case of friendship or a relationship, do you find it hard to connect to people who are opposite from you? Is it easier to get close to someone you have things in common with, or are you able to look past peoples' differences and accept them for who they are?
     
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I don't think that there is a blanket rule. For example, I am very unlike my best friend in a lot of ways. In almost every respect we are totally different personalities, but we do have similar interests and values which means we can talk for hours, because we like to talk about the same things. On the other hand, I have a friend who has a very similar personality to me, and I really struggle to talk to her because although we are very 'alike' we don't actually have any coinciding interests.

    I find some people who are my "opposites" to be absolutely fascinating and want to know their opinion on everything just because they are so different from me, even if we have nothing in common. I find other people who are my "opposites" to be shallow and irritating.

    So - basically - I don't think it is anything to do really with someone being an opposite or having differences - I think it is just about the individual people. I usually find that some people there is just "something" there - can't really put my finger on it but from the first conversation I find them interesting, funny, engaging etc and other people I just don't, even though there is nothing "wrong" with them at all. I think there is just a mystery "thing" lol.
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I just think it's how you sync up with each other, not how much you have in common. What I don't like is when someone wants me to change to be more like them. I am happy the way I am and don't expect anyone else to change either. Sometimes I find things that are dealbreakers, but I do my best to accept people as they are.
     
  4. Mremptyinside

    Mremptyinside Well-Known Member

    Well with my experience i would say:
    1. never change for anyone else, there are enough ppl out there who will love you for who you are and faking something, can destroy that.
    2. well i guess we need some similaritys in intrest as we seek ppl to talk about thinks we are intrested in, so shure we need someone with the same cind of opinions on surten things and intrest in the same things we got, but i think we also need a fair amount of other stuff they have a liking to and on our own, so we can try to show them whats so grate about things they havent yet experienced and the other side around.
    so i guess we need both.
    3. But what counts most is the aspect of how much you like talking to each other and how the character makes you feel when beein with them. for both sides, they should feel acceptet by the other and even wanted, for talks, or activitys.
    there are so many aspects i guess it cant really be decided by simply listing up things.
    I even noticed that i got along ppl with blood type O+ like me muuuch better then any other blood type. it could be a total cooinsidence, OR!!! something that also matters in the aspect to liking one another, as do looks, the sound of your voice and even how you smell.
    There are to many factors that are included, in the end you just have to find out if the persen as a saying " smelles nice to you" so if you take a liking or not ^^
    you smell very nice by the way ;)
     
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  5. nobodyknows71

    nobodyknows71 You know it’s sad but true... Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I think the bottom line here is that are no normals. You definitely shouldn’t change to fit around how someone wants you to be anymore than you would want someone to change to be more likeable to you. If you find that’s the case (on either side) then maybe you’re not the right fit for each other.
     
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  6. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Yes and no. It's possible for people with opposite personalities to attract each other. Very possible, in fact. But they have to have similar views on intimacy. I read an article recently about why Borderlines and Narcissists attract each other recently. And despite them, in many ways, being two opposite people, they do have similar views on intimacy. Both have trouble with whole object relations or object constancy. Object constancy has two parts to it: (a) seeing people as having both good and bad qualities, and (b) being able to feel a sense of emotional connection to someone whether or not they are present. For (b), this means also having trouble remembering the person's face in some cases when they're gone, as well as other prominent features of their looks and personality. Because of this, they are considered to have a similar level of intimacy skills. Though, they do require two different things from a relationship. The Borderline needs the Narcissist to constantly prove his unconditional love toward her, while the Narcissist needs the Borderline to feed his self-esteem and ego. They both form very quick attachments and are usually able to give these things to each other 100% in the beginning of a relationship. Down the line, however, it gets harder because the Narcissist has trouble proving his love constantly, especially after he is able to see the Borderline's "flaws". My husband and I meet all of this criteria quite well, and our relationship has been pretty chaotic at times. But I will say that we've managed to pull through regardless, which is pretty rare because these type of things don't usually last despite the instant attraction. With that said, we do have two very different personalities. He's outgoing, social, confident, aggressive, and has trouble showing empathy and emotion (other than anger). I'm introverted, self-critical, avoid people and social interaction like the plague, passive for the most part, except when I'm truly pissed off, and very empathetic and emotional.
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2018
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  7. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle SF Supporter

    My friends tend to be similar to me personality wise. We all have the same values, beliefs and interests. My three best friends also have the same insecurities as me so they totally understand where I'm coming from - the main difference between us is they are all extroverts while I'm an introvert. They all cover their insecurities by being loud and out there.

    My husband is the total opposite of me in most respects. Politically we're very different. He's a tight fisted git whereas I'll spend every penny I have without a thought. He's very self controlled and I am definitely not! He has the emotional capacity of a potato while I have enough emotions for an entire army. I sometimes think these differences save us both from the extremes - we balance each other and stop us both from going too far either way.
     
  8. walker95

    walker95 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    I agree with the others. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
    If you've got totally different core values than someone you're unlikely to get on well with them, you know? If you are a big believer in church / religion & someone else is a stark verbal atheist you might find that off putting. There are loads of examples. But it also gives you things to talk about & debate if you're into that.
    Also, it depends on how close the relationship is! Is this person gonna be who you've got in your bed cause no one wants to debate border wall over morning coffee (ok I do but I'm weird) or talk about gun laws after sex. So what's ok for your friend may not be ok for your bed buddy.
     
  9. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    I used to debate him over morning coffee, but then I just gave up because he literally waits until I want it bad enough to just go do it myself. Otherwise, he will not get up at all. Speaking of which, time for me to make morning coffee again. Lol.
     
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  10. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I think this is where people need to be at least somewhat similar for a relationship to work. But having opposite or, as I prefer to think of it, complementary personalities can be a huge boon.
     
  11. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    For most pairs of "opposites" the similarities tend to be in relationship goals or intimacy skills. So both may want to start a family, have a successful career and make a lot of money, or a career they both love and just make sufficient money. And more often than not, like I said, they both have similar intimacy skills. Someone who prefers to be independent, has a lot of self-esteem, and likes space won't be able to last with someone who is codependent, for example.
     
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  12. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I agree with all of the replies in some ways. I remember when I knew a guy who was homophobic, sexist, and racist. He kept saying he didn't want me to go to hell and that Satan was after me. He was really religious and wanted to convert me. I thought, I can't even be friends with this guy. So I don't mind some differences, as long as it's not that extremely different from me.
     
  13. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Haha. You should have been like, "Dude, relax, it's cool. He's not after me. He's merely a fan of my work and is trying to get me to join him as his number two. Persistent little fuck, isn't he?"
     
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  14. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Lol that's awesome, I probably should have just told him I was Satan and see how shocked he would be :p
     
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  15. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    That would be hilarious. Overly religious people make me feel sane, and that's saying a lot.
     
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