Do parents deliberately spoil children in order to harm them?

Discussion in 'Opinions, Beliefs, & Points of View' started by A_pixie, Jan 13, 2009.

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  1. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I have a theory that sometimes not only does cowardice and laziness stop a "parent" from disciplining a child, but the desire to take VENGEANCE on their children for being spoiled, demanding and disrespectful.

    Let me explain my idea, spoiling a kid effectively disables them. They will not know how to take care of themselves, function appropriately in society or manage their life. They will be so used to the cleaning, cooking, money etc provided for them and doing sweet fuck all, that when this lifestyle is suddenly removed they will FALL APART DUE TO NOT KNOWING HOW TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES.

    Think about it, not being able to hold down a job due to not being used to it, never being told "no" so not understanding what excessive alcohol and drugs do to a person. Never being told "no" so when that girl does tell you to back off rape seems psychologically justified because you "want it" (like all these spoiled football players being accused and aquitted of rape) it's why you see so many rich kids shoplifting. Being spoiled is no joke it can ruin someone and anyone these freaks of nature come into contact with.

    Parents are malicious. You hear them speaking to spoiled teenagers saying that when they get out in "the big wide world" they will get hurt. THEY MEAN IT. They are more than aware that they will not be there to cater to the child forever.

    They are fully aware that when they die, the child will not be able to fend for itself. The child which has grown into an adult will not have a clue about how to take care of themselves. Holding down a job, managing their lives etc will be an impossibility for them as they have been DELIBERATELY CONDITIONED into thinking some fool will sort it all out for them.

    Why would a parent do this?

    I think it starts off as either cowradice or laziness. The child gets spoiled. This progresses into a resentment no parent would admit to having for their own offspring, due to their kids demands, abusiveness and general misbehavior. So they decide not to correct their kids knowing they will one day behave like a brat in front of some bruiser more than willing to knock the crap out of them. Or simply not be able to have a decent life when Mummy and Daddy are gone. It's the ultimate revenge for years of nuturing someone who didn't appreciate you.

    You would not spoil someone if you loved them. I'm glad I'm the bastard kid of the family who is without fail the one being shouted at all the time, I wouldn't trade places for my fat, helpless, spoiled, delusional sister for the entire world.

    She has caused such heartache that part of me can't wait until I'm the only one she has left because she will get fuck all from me.

    What do you guys think? Do parents deliberately not correct their spoiled children in order to damage them in later life?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2009
  2. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure if you're mocking my post but not all parents and children share love. Would you say an incestuous rape victim loves her father? Would you not hate someone for that?

    The expression "tough love" comes to mind. If your kid treats you and your family in a way you know would get their arse kicked in the real world surely you would correct them before somebody badly hurts them? By not correcting a child you disable them and put them in a dangerously vulnerable position.
  3. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Ah I see sorry, I wasn't sure.

    I think family is just a bullshit term. You can't chose them, chances are you wouldn't and unconditonal love is a concept that scares me. Love is one of the excuses people use to cover up being chickenshit. Battered wives/husands who "love" their spouse use this concept of unconditional love in order to avoid conflict by leaving the abuser. Before anyone accuses me of not knowing what I'm talking about I have had experience with people going through this asking me for advice.

    I also don't see what's wrong with hating your family. Most people would think Hitler's family were crazy/evil if they didn't hate him for what he did.

    My point is, you can't love someone simply because they are related to you it doesn't make sense.
  4. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    This is just my opinion but I think you're making the same mistake that a lot of conspiracy theorists make, that you interpret actions born of incompetence for malicious intent. No one intends to ruin their child, it's just comes about from lack of knowledge or being overly protecting.
  5. Issaccs

    Issaccs Well-Known Member

    Ding Ding Ding we have a winner.
    Although to add to that they're also making the mistake of generalising their own bad experience to everyone elses.
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    yes they can. cause they dont wnt to believe that the person that is their farther could do such a thing, even tho they have the memories, but he swears blind he didnt do it, they want to believe him.
    but yet they hate for what he did.

    but 'love' is still there

    i was treated like shit by my mother, never given a thing, had to raise a child when i was still a child myself (age 8) and when i did move out, i failed. ended up with debt to my eyes, and i've now had to move back home.

    so even if your not spoiled, you can still end up fucked up anyway.

    and EVERYONE ends up alone, even your parents.
  7. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    My thoughts exactly. Not that there never is malicious intent because there undoubtedly sometimes is. Rather, most of the time, it's just incompetence. A person would have to be really screwed up to want to ruin their kid's life.
  8. daredhead

    daredhead Well-Known Member

    I definitely think spoiled children have a harder time dealing with the real world. I am a victim of this, up until recently, my parents would do everything for me, fighting my battles. I don't think they tried to intentionally harm me, I think at the time they were doing what they thought was best. They still spoil me, but I have insisted on becoming my own person, not being shaped into the perfect daughter by my parents. (The "perfect daughter" in their eyes is a show piece, one to be seen not heard).
  9. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i agree with pretty much all of this.. but not your first post...
    there is nothing wrong with hating your family.. some deserve it although i don;t think hate really gets you anywhere. the best revenge to a shitty family is to walk away and live well without them.. and to not bring your kids up the same way thus breaking the cycles of abuse etc.
  10. Aeterna

    Aeterna Account Closed

    You lost me at "Think about it, not being able to hold down a job due to not being used to it, never being told "no" so not understanding what excessive alcohol and drugs do to a person.", simply because you're making a massive generalization. A lot of parents (Especially in European countries), let their children drink along with them to teach them how to do so responsibly, and explain how drugs and tobacco can be harmful. A lot of parents also teach fiscal responsibility, although I believe that's been in decline the past few years.

    Also, parents are not meant to be the sole source of a child's information. That's what schooling, friends, books and television, and now the internet, are for. There's enough of a broad spectrum of information that if your parents don't tell you drugs are bad chances are someone else will.

    However, I'm not just going to say, "You're generalizing, therefore your wrong", and leave it at that.

    I personally believe a lot of reasons why (modern) children are spoiled, can be be blamed on post-World War II. We saw an economic and birth rate boom at the end of the war because the middle class grew, and the idea of "disposable income" came about. I bet the returning veterans wanted to give their kids something more then they had, after seeing six years of warfare.

    I think this tradition has continued well in to today. Your assertion, "You would not spoil them if you love them", does not hold water with me. If I love my children, I am going to want them to have the absolute best of everything I can give them. If it is within my means, then why wouldn't I want to give them whatever I could?

    Of course, doing so will naturally result in them being "spoiled". However, it's not out of any active malicious intent.

    Also, remember that the "American Dream" for the Middle Class includes having enough money to give your children everything you want them to have. At worst, you can claim they're turning their children to status symbols. However, I bet the reality is that they simply want their kids to start off better then they did.
  11. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    very well said, john and , Aeterna :smile:
  12. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I agree that some spoil their children by misguidance but some are with mlicious intent. Some are smart enough and sick enough to disabl their children. As for the "american dream" some children want their "parents" to lay down silk in the hallways for when they walk. Is this normal of the american dream, yes I am talking literally about the

    Maybe some so called parents sexually get off on the fact that their kids treat them like dirt. They may as well hand the fat c unts a whip.

  13. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    May I also add that giving a child a good life does not spoil them, its when they get whatever they want, despite the family having other priorities for cash like bills. I mean what if your child 13 and sick enough to want to have sex with a 4 YEAR OLD would you tell the polic and get psychiatric help like a good parent or cover for them and spoil their pedophilic ass, saying its not their fault, just keep it quiet. THAT IS SPOILING SOMEONE. REINFORCING THEIR SHITTY BEHAVIOR. confirming their behavior is correct. It is no different from saying yes to them all the time as a kid, you raise a rapist when you ay yes all the time. (that is JUST an example).

    I stll say you would never spoil someoen youloved,you would want them to grow up capable of looking after themselves not some backwards retarded freak.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2009
  14. Aeterna

    Aeterna Account Closed

    There was a point when I believed you had credibility, but unfortunately you've since lost it.

    Sexual gratification from the mistreatment of our own kin may exist, or have existed, somewhere, at some point in time. However, that's most likely because the person has severe mental problems, and would be far from the norm. If it truly existed, chances are some psychologist would have documented it somewhere.

    Everything you're talking is, at best, on the fringe of society. Most parents would tell a psychiatrist or call the police if the problem was serious enough, including pedophilia. Most parents give their children more then they can afford, because they think they can pay it off with credit cards. They most likely believe, "I can pay off the debt when the kids are out of the house", rather then, "I'm going to give my kid things that I can't possibly afford".

    You're forgetting that you aren't the only human capable of rational thought, and I think that's where a lot of this is coming from. You're also forgetting that people have this thing called "morality". It's that pesky little thing that causes the majority of people not to rob banks at every chance they get, sleep with a prostitute every day of the week, and try and kill their fellow man whenever they look at each other the wrong way.

    Maybe some parents do this, I don't know. However, I seriously think that this is only occurs for people with mental disabilities, not the general population.

    Also, I really do want to add that I'm having an extremely difficult time following your train of thought. You keep switching between two different subjects (Moving from giving children more then what you can afford, to talking about pedophilia for example), and it's not making much sense. Could you please try to clean it up a bit before posting? Thank you.
  15. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I apologize, when I get angry about something I go off on a very big tangent sometimes. I certainly don't think all parents never say no to their children in order to hurt them, but considering the odd cases of child abuse in the world (for example, Josef Fritzel sorry about the spelling) is it so hard to believe that to be cruel, a parent could deliberately leave their child unprepared for the world as an adult? By making them incapable of being independant?

    I think it's possible...
  16. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    It's possible but it's a really odd way to try to hurt someone. Those who are sadistic enough to hurt their own children would do so in a much more direct way than spoiling their children.

    There could be a situation where a parent is actively trying to keep their child dependent on them but that is more due to selfishness than sadism. I think it would be pretty rare occurrence though.
  17. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I agree with that actually John a more direct route would be taken if someone is sick enough to hurt their child.

    Some parents seem to want to keep their children dependant I think, you know the kind who never want their kids to marry, discourage them from working using any excuse and get jealous of every girlfriend/boyfriend their kids get? That's sort of making them ill-prepared for the world if they try to sabotage every attempt at independance.
  18. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    Yeah, it's pretty immature of them. I guess these are the same type of people who have kids in order to fill a void in their own lives. There's also parents who want their child to be independent but don't know how to go about doing so, or do know how to, but are unwilling to take that action out of fear of losing those they love.

    All in all, I'd be in favour of extensive parenting classes becoming a part of normal high school education. I don't think there's any other way to break the cycle of poor parenting.
  19. Mayal

    Mayal Well-Known Member

    I find this an interesting topic, especially the thought of parents sabotaging their offspring in order to give themselves some sort of satisfaction, i don't think it is beyond the realms of possibility, but i also do not think it is something that people conciously do either.

    But surely, the subject of child rearing and spoiled children is always more about finding a place to lay blame rather than any real attempt at trying to improve the standards of raising children, and that is in all institutions, be them state of charity.

    We raise children as a community, even if we are not within a community in the traditional sense, as well as the influence parents have in socialising their children, we also have to account for the government, the education system, the healthcare system, the media, and society at large. The education system in the UK for instance, seems to be primarily concerned with the self esteem of children, no child fails an exam, no child fails a task, no child wins one, there is no consequences for failure, no rewards for winning, and that would be all well and good if real life was like that, but it is not, and in my opinion, it is more damaging to a childs self esteem if they leave school to find out that they are going to fail in many aspects, with no coping mechanisms.

    The same goes for spoiled children, is there anything worst than seeing a young child demanding of its parents something in a supermarket? how spoiled you think, as you pass the ad's for childrens toys, and the marketing specifically targeted to toddler age groups, the TV programmes made specifically to advertise products, and the parent, working most of the hours they can trying to keep up with the constant barrage of accusation, you are a bad parent if your child does not have what it needs, never mind that there is no distinction between need and want anymore.

    All in all, every generation seems to be a social experiment for the previous one.

    Rant over
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