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do people feel sorry for you because you're a loser?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregisteredzks, Apr 25, 2008.

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  1. hmm, Does anybody else ever feel like the people you know only keep in contact with you because they feel sorry for you? I have this nagging feeling that the only reason anybody talks to me at all is because they have to, otherwise they'd feel guilty. I know it could all possibly be in my head, but I think I've become the pathetic loser who no one wants around but is always around. Does anyone ever feel this way? I barely have any friends and I sense that the ones I do have only feel an obligation to be my friend like it's their civic duty or something. I don't know. Let me ask another question, Has anyone ever felt pity for someone and kept them around because you felt guilty even though you didn't particularly like them? And to those who can answer my second question; What was it you wished or wish they would've done to make it easier for you? (example: wish they'd leave you alone, wish you never met them, wish they'd stop calling...etc....)
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Hey there,

    I'll try and answer all questions, one by one :smile:

    Yes, I have this feeling too sometimes. Not a lot, but sometimes I do feel that way. What I tend to do when I have that feeling for longer than one evening or so, is to just not start any conversations with people on MSN. See what happens. If people start conversations with me, that is a conformation that they keep in touch because they want to, rather than out of pity. If they don't start conversations with me, well, then I get convinced that they don't feel the need to talk to me... So I try to back down a bit :dunno:
    Do you know where this feeling you've got comes from? Maybe it's insecurities playing up?

    Yes I did. There used to be a time when I felt obligated to hang out and talk with everyone who wanted to talk with me, even if I didn't really want to. However, I mostly just didn't initiate any contact with them, but when they started a conversation or called me or such, I would just chat along :dunno:
    I try not to do that anymore, as it's not fair to them nor myself. And whenever I do catch myself talking to someone out of pity or the like, I just remind myself that I would want to know if someone would rather not talk to me as well.
    However, I don't mind a random chat with someone from time to time :dunno:

    To be honest, I haven't got a clue. I guess I'd rather they would choose someone else to talk to, but then again, I would have to be honest with them and tell them straight out that I don't feel like talking too often, in the first place.
    Wishing I'd never met them would be pointless, as you never know who you run in to and who you meet and all that.. :unsure:

    Okay I'ma stop here cos I'm starting to ramble :rolleyes:
  3. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    You don't sound like you like yourself much but I understand where you're coming from. I've had people in the past at school or university with whom I'd just float around but underneath it all there was an unspoken feeling of 'this is very casual' and I think lots of people knew I didn't like them.

    I don't see myself as a loser. And I don't have contact with people at the moment unless it's serious. If you were my friend I'd make you feel very welcome. I generally like people if they show a genuine interest in me and there's some kind of connection. But like I said, I've had those kind of casual friendships in the past but I usually know that it's all casual and I'm fine with that. I generally like studying people, so I miss those kind of 'casual relationships.' I used to study my aunts and my family but I don't have any contact with them now :)sad:) :dry:

    If I don't like someone I don't ever feel the obligation to keep them in my life. In the past cut off so called "friends" who pop up into my life at certain holidays in the year or want to get the gossip/moan about their life/use me as a "safety blanket" and "I like you so much I miss you so much I love talking to you you make me feel so much better," and then disappear for the next few months while I'm struggling to keep my family together. I think I've got more harsh with people who use me as some kind of entertainment or don't show any concern for my wellbeing.

    Why do you feel people would only be your friends out of duty? Why do you see yourself as a 'loser'? Perhaps if your view of yourself changed you wouldn't feel guilty for having friends?
  4. Yes - everyone bullies me. Just looking at me could inspire the nicest man in the world to suddenly rage and attack me. Later on he would feel remorseful and wish to apologize, but once I'm brought into the same room with him, he would immediately turn on me again and be unable to control his hatred. This is due to a horrible curse that was put on me by Satan which causes everyone to despise me uncontrollably. Even babies throw pacifiers at me, only to begin crying after realizing their pacifiers are gone. Satan often laughs so hard at my existence that he gets tummy aches. When his tummy aches, he wanders off to find some medicine, and the curse is broken momentarily until he gets back. If this post gets deleted or ignored, it's probably due to the curse. If this post survives somehow, it's because Satan was busy looking for tummy medicine at the time of the posting. Even if this post survives, it is almost guaranteed that it will receive bad responses. Again, this is due to Satan's curse. His hatred follows me everywhere, and causes people to react badly to everything I do. If you react positively to my post, you are the legendary hero who has finally broken the curse and is destined to receive the divine spectacles of holy eyesight from God on your next birthday. These will allow you to see evil incarnations and vanquish them with magic beams which will shoot out from your spectacles by God's will. If you doubt what I'm telling you now, again, this is because Satan's curse has prevented you from believing the truth.
  5. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    Hi :hug:

  6. Thanks Ish for your thoughtful and thorough reply. Everything you said sort of confirms that I'm not totally paranoid. I know I do have issues concerning insecurity, but I do know now that I'm not wrong to think that some people do pity others and have to force kindness. I think most people prefer to be the victim so that was brave of you to admit to that. I've been guilty of it too (too self indulged and victimized to realize it:p) and perhaps that may be the reason why I feel like others might be doing it to me. hmm I think I've stumbled upon something, who knows, but thankyou. hope that answers some of your questions you had for me too ggg.
    lol to short ukranian woman.
  7. wedavis

    wedavis New Member

    It human nature to feel sorry for sad people and they probably pick up on your sad vibe. They feel your pain. We are social creatures we can't help it.

    They may very well be avoiding you because people want to feel good, not bad. And if you aren't making them feel sad, you are making them uncomfortable. Don't take any of it personally. If I was Brad Pitt's girlfriend and all he did was mope when I was around him, I wouldn't look forward to seeing him.

    I'll bet if you stop thinking and acting like a "loser" you will stop feeling like one. People are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.
  8. wedavis

    wedavis New Member

  9. wedavis

    wedavis New Member

    You are hilarious!!!!!
  10. wedavis

    wedavis New Member

    SO FUNNY! That's what you were going for right?

    If not why would of all the billions of thoughts in the world you can choose to think would you think those thought (which are all just delusions I'm sure)?
  11. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You're not a loser :hug:
  12. I have recently had something similar happen to me. I went out with a girl friend of mine who goes out all the time and has a boyfriend who is a club promoter. I never go out anymore because I have had very bad luck being homeless, pennyless and carless over the past year. Recently things have started to come together for me and I wanted to spend some time with my friend because I missed her. Her boyfriend has become increasingly jealous to her and really says some things that are very degrading to her. In the midst of an argument he has said to me, "Why are you even here tag-a-long?"

    I know this isn't exactly what you were after but it did make me feel that this entire time he was only ever nice to me because of his girlfriend whom I was friends with. And that he thinks that I am a worthless person who hangs out with them and doesn't have any friends. Its really sad that when other people are depressed about their lives, they will attack you in a very crude way. I have not stayed in touch with many of my old friends I used to go out with because the economy is tough and we all are suffering.

    My point is, I did feel sorry for myself for a moment in time because of his comment and it made me feel like they were hanging out with me because they felt sorry for me. The main thing is, don't let it get to you. You are probably a beautiful person who just hasn't had much luck socially. Go meet new friends and do things that make you happy. I am not about to let some guy allow me to think that I am not worthy to hang out with them or that if my friend didn't let me hang out with her I would be a loser. I have had many friends in my time and sometimes there is just no one available to hang out. Our interests change, our lifestyles change and we get busy doing other things. But we can always make new friends or reach out to people.
  13. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Noone knows because I act like a winner. Some days I even fool myself - happy days, those ones. When people go through something like this, they will react in 2 ways - Either inflate the self, judge others as worthless, not worth their time anyway etc etc. While this is an illusion, it is an effective way of dealing with it because it promototes a strong self worth.

    The self depricating, possibly more realist response of being a loser, boring, everyone else is better etc is obviously what = depression.

    More than likely though, this entire way of thinking is based in the persons head. Noone else is thinking about you that deeply.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 6, 2008
  14. Name19

    Name19 Member

    Well I can asnwer a part of your question, if your interested read on.

    I have had moments were I feel my friends arn't gonna wait for me(at the movies) or wont show up,etc.This insecurities are natural,at least in my experience its usually met with the oposite of what a panic about. :)

    I used to encounter people that fit the description a lot in Highshcool.

    Let me ask another question, Has anyone ever felt pity for someone and kept them around because you felt guilty even though you didn't particularly like them?

    Not to say I was the most popular or anything in the shchool but I had a average sized group of people who I could say was part of the Alpha Males in it(sorta like the Boss type on the group) so sometimes some Friend's friend would talk to me and it first admitly I dint like it but felt forced(do to my rep or w.e.) I would chat up and stuff, but when I first started dealing with my "issues" I found that through all that what I wanted was someone to casually talk with,someone that looked for me because of who I am no strings attached not because of the people I controlled or as giving blessings or cortesy but as a Friend.From then on I realized how important it was for me to reach out to this people that are overall "neglected"(or feel so, its usually not the case) by the group and lend them an ear.After awhile I noticed people started respecting Me, not me as the Boss but as the person on a more personal level.The guys a contacted were all kinda shy and bit anti-social they matured up great people and I gotta say I felt proud.

    One specific event, was this girl who used to glimpse at us when we talked on recesses and stuff I dint really know her just that she was a Friend's friend's friend(lol) one day in the cafeteria I noticed she was eating alone I aproached her table and started talking.Suffice it to say we grow to have night long phone calls,trips to the beach,etc,etc.That was one of the first time I 100% made contact with someone offering only my friendship like that with no obligations no "strings" and theres not a day I smile and grin at my decision.She was VERY important part of my life to say the least.

    What I want to tell with that long semipointless story is that YES there are people that might feel that they dont really belong somewere that they are just cortesy friends BUT its mostly that a FEELING, sometimes you might be neglected you might get condesence agaisnt you but theres also people that will reach out to you and you wont realize it.Humans arn't perfect sometimes we dont realize what were doing.Maybe as you thought of X friend who neglects or pitties you, dont you have someone else in mind that YOU might be ignoring a possible flourishing friendship(love interest?) have you reached out to people?

    My best advice is to try and make an Honest aproach to everyone.Be Realistic do you always feel like talking to X and Y friends?
    And Remember
    Friendship is a complex puzzle handled by Clumsy beings
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2008
  15. Know exactly where you're coming from. Only I'm also a pathetic loser who got made redundant and cannot get a job either. So a broke & pathetic loser.
  16. Claudia

    Claudia Guest

    My son talked to me and shared information about my Mother (which he is not supposed to tell me). She only talks to me because she feels sorry for me. So now, how does that make sense? The only reason why she had contact with me is, because, she feels sorry for me. Who needs that? Who would want this kind of attention? All I can say is there is no room for feeling sorry for myself or anyone else. Life is to short and we are what we make it.
  17. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    This would not be true for me.

    My circle of people are NOT into feeling sorry or having pity parties. Neither would I want it or need it.

    They are productive/succesful people. They don't fully understand my
    self hate and "fading" issues. If anything, they accept when I isolate and disappear for weeks.......

    they always say they miss when I am fun etc.....How I wish they would at least understand that it's all show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  18. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The people closest to me (my family) is not sorry for me, just sick to death of me and keep telling me to "fix" my situation, which is easier said than done, but they seem to love yelling at me and telling me what they think I should do. And yes, my family seems to think I am a big loser.
  19. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    i think that all the time, that people dont really like me, and its just so they look good on looking after a 'different/difficult/emotional' person. of course i no that a few of my friends aint like that, but it does stil cross my mind lots. I always think that everyone is against me and that they hate me so much. i push away the people i care and love about because im scared that i will hurt them, or they wil hurt me. its one of my defensive mechanisms [freudian theory].

    to your second question:
    I dont keep friends around for pity, asi dont like that happening to me, but i do keep friends even if they really do hate me, which happens all the time, i keep them friends as id rsther them friedns rather than enemys [does this make sense?] i dont handle conflict very well, as im very scared of it like happening all the time. i wish i didnt come close to these people, as they have helped me through alot, and now they dont want to know me, but i dont want to argue with them.

    Does that help your curisouty?
    Xx Sky xX
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