Does it just make you feel better that you have a choice? Me personally I've felt suicidal for the better part of my life. Now it's just a part of my personality. Whenever I feel hopeless, I kinda take solace in the fact that I can do something about it. Unfortunately, contemplating suicide is the best way for me to cope, and it just makes me feel better. I think it's prevented me from challenging myself though, and that's that shitty thing about it. I can never step outside this coping mechanism for an extended period of time because it makes me uncomfortable. I want to do some pretty challenging things with my life, but I don't have the temperment to do so. It's sort of embarrassing. I dont know, any thoughts you can share about your situations?