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Do people here not want to feel suicidal?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jackson04, Aug 9, 2008.

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  1. jackson04

    jackson04 Member

    Does it just make you feel better that you have a choice? Me personally I've felt suicidal for the better part of my life. Now it's just a part of my personality. Whenever I feel hopeless, I kinda take solace in the fact that I can do something about it. Unfortunately, contemplating suicide is the best way for me to cope, and it just makes me feel better. I think it's prevented me from challenging myself though, and that's that shitty thing about it.

    I can never step outside this coping mechanism for an extended period of time because it makes me uncomfortable. I want to do some pretty challenging things with my life, but I don't have the temperment to do so. It's sort of embarrassing. I dont know, any thoughts you can share about your situations?
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I think many people use suicide or the thought of suicide as a way of controling thier problems. 'If things get too hard, then I'll just off myself.' But I agree with you that this will prevent you from challenging yourself. Overcoming challenges makes us tougher and more resilient. We need challenges, because it feels good to overcome them.
  3. BaZz

    BaZz Member

    Yeah I agree as well I been contemplating it for as long as I can remember and I always say well if shit goes to far not hard to end my life. Lately the thought runs deeper then ever I think that is just because i am getting older with less focus in life and my existing, but it is always an option on my table.
  4. jackson04

    jackson04 Member

    Yeah you're exactly right, and for myself that's very embarrassing to admit. Nobody, besides me and my parents, knows how deeply depressed I feel. I really don't like to display it or admit it. I'm 22 and up until about a year or so ago I always assumed that when the time was right I would just off myself.

    A couple things went my way, all of a sudden I kinda realize I had a lot of inner drive that I've never utilized. I really want to get commissioned in the Marine Corps, and I've been working very hard preparing myself both mentally and phyisically, and I know that I have the wherewithall deep down inside me.

    Unfortunately, old habits die hard. The more I think about giving up the idea of suicide the more uncomfortable I get. The biggest challenge for me is believing that I'm an equal to my peers. For most of the people I've met, I've never genuinely felt that way. I immediately assume that I'm not as good as this guy, and I always act the part. Like I said, that's just my temperament I guess.
  5. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    The Marine Corps helped my Brother shake off a horrible upbringing. He has fallen on hard times emotionally and with alcohol the past sixteen years or so and he feels it started soon after leaving the Corps. He also regrets serving only in the reserves, not active duty.

    I wish you the best of luck!
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Semper Fi,
    I am a former marine. I kick myself in the ass for getting out. I tried to reenlist when I was in my twentys and they said I was to old. Just be happy you served and overcaim. I saw a shrink when I was still in and he put me on thorazine. Everyone I talk to about the thorazine said it really gave them a buzz. That wasn't the case with me, I felt just the same nothing changed for me.
    I felt the pride of being a Marine, even after all these years I still feel the pride. Like they say Once a Marine always a Marine...
    Now I am feeling guilty for being ill. I have let myself down and also the one's around me...My therapist wants me to feel the pride and to build on that. He says I already have the disaplen so I should put that to work for me....
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think that for many the option of suicide will always be there, but that doesn't mean they want to be suicidal. I need to have the option but that doesn't mean I will exercise that option necessarily. I do know I do not want to feel suicidal. :(
  8. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    I wish I could rid myself of the thoughts. It really does become a crutch, you screw something up or have a bad day and suicide always seems to just creep in there giving you the illusion of control in a life that seems so far from what you want it to be. I used to think that having the option was a good thing for me, but now all I feel is just anger and hatred towards it. I hate the fact that my mind keeps coming back to that one thought everytime I fall into bad times. I just feel so weak and helpless like I'm not good enough to live so I have to keep thinking about dying, when the truth is, we're all good enough to live. It's like I'm so afraid to live, so afraid to take those chances, always feeling like I'll never measure up, that I keep running back to suicide. It's not a consoling state of mind for me anymore, and I wish with all my heart that it never became an option for me.
  9. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    This is not always true. Sometimes when challenges keep relentlessly coming at you, the overall effect is withering. Even if the challenges are things you can easily overcome individually, they can beat you down over time. It's like being stung to death by bees. A few stings are nothing you can't live with (unless you're allergic or something). But it's a whole new ballgame when they keep coming and don't let up.
  10. Ozibuna

    Ozibuna Well-Known Member

    Sure, but it all changes when you get the hang of it, when you find fun in it and when you enjoy doing it. And as far as the topic goes, cant say i really gave suicide a thought nor shall i, doesn't seem usefull to me to do it or think it. Basically it's just a garbage can thought.
  11. jerrin

    jerrin Guest

    people often feel like their life has no meaning and hopeless. This is only causes by stress, and a chemical in-valance, that is produce by some stress. I believe women do not succeed to as often as men, due to women being more advanced on long term thought process. Also a women is more soft than a man and have second thoughts right before the attempt. If you feel suicidal, just take a deep breath and think of how great your life can be if you set a plan to be the best you can be in the future, draw out a map of your goals and look forward to being able to accomplish your goal and be able to brag to others of how you reached that goal. But first and very most important sit back take a deep breath and try to relax. It can work out for the best.
  12. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i have worked hard in therapy to recover from both suicide attempts and feeling suicidal. it wasn't easy. i have felt suicidal on and off since i was 12. i'm 42 now so that's a long time. there were great years in between where i was able to set it aside. then last year it came back, full force. just like when i did drugs i felt suicide was my only true friend. now i recognize that it is not a friend, just a liar and a thief, trying to steal everything good from me. so to answer your question, yes, i wish to not be suicidal anymore. i am working hard to get there and it has been worth all the work. since my most recent attempt i have come to feel like i have been given a second chance at life. i hope to make the next 40 years great.
  13. ibinsanediego

    ibinsanediego Active Member

    Jackson04... funny reading your post rings a bell with me... I'm just starting to feel that way... it's like I now have a new purpose in life... to commit suicide... but I'm still in the planning stages.. and it seems like it requires too much work to get everything in order before going through with it... so now i'm in the procrastation period. I feel like I want to do it, but I don't have the time..LOL
    That and I want to do it right... I want to go peacefully using the right drugs which I don't have or know where to get them.. verses using my glock.
  14. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i wish more than anything i could get those thoughts to go away.
  15. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    Yh, i guess...I mean, i don't Want to die, I just want to be happy. There's a difference....sometimes you can't be happy though, so you have to choose second best, which for me i think would be to die.

  16. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    good answer.
  17. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    interesting question. I am not sure about any of this stuff. it's at
    least a little different for each individual I would guess.

    I suppose I can only speak for myself. I have had many times in my
    life when checking out felt like at least a sort of 'ace in the hole'
    but I always feel BETTER when I manage to talk myself away from
    the ledge. and THEN, I feel frightened when I see how many things
    or rather how important the FEW things are that I would miss if I left
    them behind.

    what a clumsy couple of paragraphs those were. more accurately,
    the people and critters who would miss me if I was gone. critters are
    important to me. my dog would not like to see me go. neither
    would my Mom, or my sister, and 'probably not' my brothers, though
    I wouldn't necessarily bet on that :)

    anyway, I don't think anyone wants or likes to feel suicidal. it can
    become a coping tool. I doubt it's really all that fuzzy and neat.

    again, I don't really know. I know I don't like it. it's a relief
    to turn and walk away from the ledge but very unsettling
    realizing how close that I was. and might be again, I guess,
    to be realistic.
  18. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think it is comforting.
    I often times think, at least I have this. At least the depression will never leave me.
    But that's not helpful I know.
  19. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    You can be happy though, i mean sure it's hard but i firmly believe that if anyone really wants to be happy they will work for it and eventually get there. Suicide should never be an option. :hug:
  20. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I am just having severe panic and pain, I can't take it anymore so I can cut off these strings they have attached to me.
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