Everybody keeps telling me that "in the end my ex will get it for what he put me through, that my 2 year old son's dad will get it for deserting us, that the guy that raped me will eventually be held accountable, that we all reap our rewards or punishments in" the end. Well my end is now if view. I have prolonged the inevitable or 4 days now by using this site. Today was the first time in a very long time that I saw a slight glimmer of hope. But that was blown out faster than I took to realize it was there. My plans are made, I have tried to finish all my business as best I can. But do we really get it in the end? I have suffered a lot of physical, emotional, sexual and psycology abuse at the hands of others. But still I kept trying to live a good life. Because I didn't want to "get it in the end". But today I realized that I have been getting it most of my life!! So what is going to happen to the others on judgement day? And the real shit topping on the cake? I'm committing suicide and according to the Catholics, I will not go to Heaven but rather Hell to pay for my sins. So even in death I won't escape the others. Cuz if it is true then they should be joining me there. I wish life could of been a little more easier and kinder. So far the easiest and kindest thing is going to be death. If I have been "getting it" all my life and am going to Hell then what was my purpose here?