A few weeks ago, I tried to kill myself. It was a spur of the moment deal and obviously, I wasn't successful. Anyways, been doing the whole therapy thing for over 10 years now, and the truth is, I just don't have the strength to do this shit anymore. I've got it very well planned out this time and I am not scared. I am relieved. I haven't felt "relieved" in years. August 8th is the day I die. My wife left me this summer, took the kids, and I am utterly alone. Yeah, I have a support group and friends, but I am still alone. You know what pisses me off about this whole thing? Is that for 10 years, I was sick. I suffer from PTSD and my wife always wanted me to get better. So, I did. I went to extensive therapy, talked extensively with friends and groups that specialize in this thing and I was doing 1 million times better with my emotions. I was never a horrible husband. I never hit her. I never yelled at her. I never cheated on her. I was just emotionally disconnected. But, like I said, that was getting SO MUCH better. Then, all of a sudden... gone. Kids gone, too. I don't want to be that "part time dad" and I don't want to live without her. After thinking about it quite a bit, that is just the bottom line and the choice I've made. Anyways, I know exactly when and how I'm doing it to make it as easy on everyone else is possible. My question is, I am going to leave several letters.... to my kids, my wife, my family, some friends.... blah blah. But, most importantly, I'm leaving "my wishes for my body". I want to be cremated, I don't want my wife at any "service" they may have, and blah blah. Now, by taking my own life, am I giving up the right to decide any of this? Will it not be legally binding? Even if I get a legal will, will it hold up if I committ suicide and different family members want different things?