I just picked up acting as a hobby, it helps me cope with suicidal thoughts and helps me vent a lot. I started acting in a short film as the lead and its a very dark film that has allowed me to vent a lot of my angst in the role. I recently was shooting one of the toughest scenes in the movie where my character broke down. I decided to break down completely for the role and felt a bit overwhelmed at some point. I imagined a stadium full of my loved ones, friends and acquaintances cheering me on to commit suicide. In the empty stadium there were also versions of myself from different times in my life. I felt shivers, a tight chest and nausea. I laughed hysterically and cried in a way I didnt know I could cry, and made a rattling noise that to me reminds me of my soul breaking in half. I felt that I saw a part of myself that was so ugly that my entire body was trying to reject it, like my mind was trying to reject reality itself. It felt horrible, but at least the director liked the performance haha. I've probably never felt that connected to my inner darkness and I feel both relieved and scared to have seen it and to have experienced a small portion of it. I was just wondering if anybody else has felt like this. Have you ever felt really cold in a warm place, with a feeling that the walls are closing in on you, also with nausea and a tight chest? Have you experienced broken laughter when you've cried heavily?