The following is just a bit of my story if you want to read, if not, just please post if your childhood experiences( physical/emotional/sexually abused, etc.) have caused your problems now... whatever they may be.
For me at least, I believe the majority of my problems do stem from childhood (0 to 10 years old). And from what I've read around this forum, it seems like your childhood is basically what makes you the person you are...
Let me be the first to say I hate blaming other people for my problems, I'm not one to point the finger at someone else when I know I can control myself... but it seems like no matter how hard I try and always end up going back in the same cycle...
Let me give you just ONE example for me... I was always beat when I was a kid... and the beating kind of became a routine, not because I did anything wrong, but I knew when my mom would beat me because of her mood... and I'm not talking a small spanking or anything, I'm talking BEAT THE HELL OUT OF... keep in mind I'm about 4 years old....
Now when I was a little kid and trying to learn the alphabet and times table, my mother would always be next to me, and anytime i got something wrong, she would hit my on the shoulders with shoes... (One time it was so bad, my shoulders were literally pitch black... I still have nightmares to this day because of that one beating to this day because its like engraved in my mind).
Now as the years went by, I was eventually in grade 1 and then grade 2... every day at 3 o'clock my mother would tell me to do my hw, and she would be right there... now everytime before i had to do my hw... I started to PUKE... every single day... I knew what the problem was... but my parents didn't know what was wrong with me and same with the doctors... i would puke every day at 3 o'clock because i was scared, in fear of being beat... it was a lot of stress as a 4/5 year old to take...
How this has effected me today? eventually my mom obviously stopped hitting me as i got older... but ever since then I just can't DO HOMEWORK OR STUDY... every day it's this constant struggle for me just to open a book, and i just can't do it... and it's like i still have that same fear from when i was a kid, except now i KNOW im not going to get beat or anything, and i don't puke... but I still can't bring myself to open a book... i procrastinate the same way i did when i was 4/5... and do anything to avoid studying because i know i would get beat... and this problem has been with me ever since i was a kid, and i have NEVER TOLD ANYONE... my mother know what she did, i bring it up every now and then and she just kinda ignores it... I had actually never thought about why i procrastinated so much and thought I was just purely lazy, but i started to notice something was wrong because all this time even when I would try to study, I felt sick/stressed... and only till a year or two ago did I really connect the dots...
This has caused me to do very poorly in school even though I am actually a pretty bright guy... but this constant process of procrastination is getting to me... and even when i study i can't focus... (I don't have ADHD, believe me i've tried all the medications...)... I know for a fact this is because of my childhood... I can focus on things that i have a natural interest for, sports, economics, finance.... but when it comes to "studying", im a different person.
I just don't know how to let go and move on...physically i want to... but it's like mentally I can't...? I don't know if that makes sense...
Obviously this poor relationship with my mother, has caused me to have other fucked up problems with myself... I became submissive in nature... to anyone especially woman, in ever way imagineable... and it's really caused me to dig myself in a hole and sent my mind into this fucked up state... There are so many other issues that stem from my stupid fucking mother...
Anyways sorry about the rambling, and I really appreciate it if you took the time to read it... any advice on my situation would be nice too...but I'd be interested to know if your childhood seems to be the stem for most of your problems that you have today?
I have also read a lot of research that supports this... (Sigmond Freud, etc.)
*Another example from this forum, was when I was reading a thread in the Rape and Abuse forum, about how some people seem much more sexually active/stimulated (more than usual), and they believe it stems from being sexually abused as a child... (I've actually seen this one on other websites too...)
For me at least, I believe the majority of my problems do stem from childhood (0 to 10 years old). And from what I've read around this forum, it seems like your childhood is basically what makes you the person you are...
Let me be the first to say I hate blaming other people for my problems, I'm not one to point the finger at someone else when I know I can control myself... but it seems like no matter how hard I try and always end up going back in the same cycle...
Let me give you just ONE example for me... I was always beat when I was a kid... and the beating kind of became a routine, not because I did anything wrong, but I knew when my mom would beat me because of her mood... and I'm not talking a small spanking or anything, I'm talking BEAT THE HELL OUT OF... keep in mind I'm about 4 years old....
Now when I was a little kid and trying to learn the alphabet and times table, my mother would always be next to me, and anytime i got something wrong, she would hit my on the shoulders with shoes... (One time it was so bad, my shoulders were literally pitch black... I still have nightmares to this day because of that one beating to this day because its like engraved in my mind).
Now as the years went by, I was eventually in grade 1 and then grade 2... every day at 3 o'clock my mother would tell me to do my hw, and she would be right there... now everytime before i had to do my hw... I started to PUKE... every single day... I knew what the problem was... but my parents didn't know what was wrong with me and same with the doctors... i would puke every day at 3 o'clock because i was scared, in fear of being beat... it was a lot of stress as a 4/5 year old to take...
How this has effected me today? eventually my mom obviously stopped hitting me as i got older... but ever since then I just can't DO HOMEWORK OR STUDY... every day it's this constant struggle for me just to open a book, and i just can't do it... and it's like i still have that same fear from when i was a kid, except now i KNOW im not going to get beat or anything, and i don't puke... but I still can't bring myself to open a book... i procrastinate the same way i did when i was 4/5... and do anything to avoid studying because i know i would get beat... and this problem has been with me ever since i was a kid, and i have NEVER TOLD ANYONE... my mother know what she did, i bring it up every now and then and she just kinda ignores it... I had actually never thought about why i procrastinated so much and thought I was just purely lazy, but i started to notice something was wrong because all this time even when I would try to study, I felt sick/stressed... and only till a year or two ago did I really connect the dots...
This has caused me to do very poorly in school even though I am actually a pretty bright guy... but this constant process of procrastination is getting to me... and even when i study i can't focus... (I don't have ADHD, believe me i've tried all the medications...)... I know for a fact this is because of my childhood... I can focus on things that i have a natural interest for, sports, economics, finance.... but when it comes to "studying", im a different person.
I just don't know how to let go and move on...physically i want to... but it's like mentally I can't...? I don't know if that makes sense...
Obviously this poor relationship with my mother, has caused me to have other fucked up problems with myself... I became submissive in nature... to anyone especially woman, in ever way imagineable... and it's really caused me to dig myself in a hole and sent my mind into this fucked up state... There are so many other issues that stem from my stupid fucking mother...
Anyways sorry about the rambling, and I really appreciate it if you took the time to read it... any advice on my situation would be nice too...but I'd be interested to know if your childhood seems to be the stem for most of your problems that you have today?
I have also read a lot of research that supports this... (Sigmond Freud, etc.)
*Another example from this forum, was when I was reading a thread in the Rape and Abuse forum, about how some people seem much more sexually active/stimulated (more than usual), and they believe it stems from being sexually abused as a child... (I've actually seen this one on other websites too...)