..that you know you wouldn't normally do, and then regret the shit. I had this brilliant fucking idea to hold a large community forum about employment, housing the poor, and education upgrades here in D.C. I scheduled it with another community advocate who was helping me with ideas. So I got the date set, and the location, and now have a list of a bunch of high-profile people I need to call and see if they can be on a discussion panel at the forum. I also need to write a proposal, and get an opening address ready, create flyers, do lots of community outreach to advertise the damn thing. I suggested we get on radio and say something about it blah blah.... All of these fucking things I planned to do, knowing I wouldn't have the time needed to get it all done, what with the second job and whatnot. I was acting as if I could actually get it done and that it was going to be so epic and informational and the mayor would come and so and so. What the fuck was I thinking? I haven't done a damn thing. I haven't made the flyers, I haven't made any calls, and our next progress meeting is Next Wednesday, and I've got nothing. And quite honestly, I don't even want to do the fucking community forum anymore, because I don't give a shit anymore. I don't have the time, don't have the energy, don't have the give-a-fuck about this community that I did last year. These creatures don't even give a fuck about the community themselves, and it's THEIRS! How do you trash your own neighborhood and spit on your own community? I'm really sick of trying to help people because there's no damn point. People have been trying to improve fucking slums and ghettos for decades, and they're just getting worse. I don't know how to address this at this moment, but right now, I know that getting 10-15 people who actually care to ask questions to people with some political influence isn't going to do SHIT! The problems in these communities are deep in culture and generational, based on ignorance, and I don't know how that's going to change. I'm just tired god damnit. I'm not genuinely caring about any of this shit anymore so I'm not worrying about it anymore. Anyway I guess at some point I'll have to call my colleague and let her know that I don't want to do this anymore. I don't have the time, and the impact of it will be completely useless and a waste of energy. The two of us are the only ones working on it, and no one else, and this was meant to be something with at least five people. But I can't do all this shit right now. Maybe another time when I have more motivation.