do you ever feel that bad that,,,

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by poisonedresistance, Oct 16, 2011.

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  1. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    sometimes you want to burn people as they sleep,,, fuck i have some real nasty thoughts sometimes.> would never do it

    they DO NOT compare with my dreams though.

    I can have horrific violent dreams

    one time I was smashing this persons face in with my fist and it burst apart like an old smushy apple.

    ive covered one person in petrol in my dreams and tormented them for hours about lighting the match.

    that scene in misery, where she hobbles the writer, ive dreamed of doing that to many people

    chaining and torturing people to an extreme.

    films most would consider sick and over the top,, appeal to my sadistic nature.

    the thing is, these thoughts arnt me, they are fleeting moments that soon pass unless im dreaming, then when i wake it bores into my day like a masonry drill bit.

    Im scared they are a dark part of me wanting to come out, ill never let them, id rather die first.
  2. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    I had a phase of violent nightmares but of a different nature. My advice would be to find a safe place to explore them as in therapy. Or at the minimum, to express some of their content through art like painting or writing.
  3. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    that sounds like a good idea, no good at painting but ill have a go! thanks isabel
  4. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    Maybe all this comes from keeping things inside and not telling it as it is, when it must be said. I mean there are moments when one really needs to yell in the other one's face what one believes. Exactly as thought.

    I have some sort of thoughts like this, but most of the times, it's like instinct
    it just shows up. With images :D
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    They are just thoughts just pain kept inside I have had horrilbe nightmares where all the anger is being released at the ones that harm I do hope you get some help as Isabel has said to explore all these thoughts hun hugs to you
  6. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

    If your on medication let your doctor know that your having these dreams and thoughts. Be sure to reject these thoughts. Put them out of your mind. Read something calming and peaceful. To dwell on something is to bring it closer to a reality. Many people who have done very violent crimes of the nature that you think about began by feeding their mind and heart with violent fantasies. This has been documented. The mind is capable of coming up with these thoughts on its own, but the key is to put them out of your mind. What morals are you guided by, surely they include treating others as you would like to be treated. Reinforce those morals by thinking of the beneficial value they have.
    Reading and studying the bible can help you with this also. Please read this article.
  7. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Well, I think the main thing is that you said you'd never act out these thoughts and that's good. But don't feel guilty for having these thoughts. They're just your brain's way of dealing with anger. Maybe as some others have suggested, you could do with talking about your feelings more or channeling them through art or writing, and then you might find that you start having these dreams less and less. But you're only human so don't feel bad for it.
  8. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    I don't dream like that, but I hav thoughts like that relatively regularly, as in whenever im pissed enough. The scary part is sometimes I actually enjoy it. Like one time I got in a fight, and for some reason I enjoyed inflicting the pain, though not entirely. This isn't as bad as it used to be though, thank god. not to say it's all better, either, I still fantasize about hurting people who piss me off.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2011
  9. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    No im not on any meds, a few glasses of wine on occasion maybe but even that comes down to once or twice a month.

    Your definitely right about me keeping things inside, half the time I have to though as my initial thoughts are always anti social-condescending and have a hint of arrogance about them. If folk dont like me much now they'd hate the real me.

    I am angry though, a lot of the time, i dont have many outlets. I love driving and i used to ride my cbr600 all the time but stopped because my nasty thoughts turned inwards and I knew that high stressors were a death trap. If it were just me on the road it wouldnt be an issue but its the fact that I could end up hurting others.

    I think im upset more than angry though.

    I just wanted to make a go of things and start again- and ive so severely fucked it all up,,,
    the people around me piss me off, im not a socialite and the neighbors are, so they gather in front of house and 'chat',, often dropping hints and lines that are aimed towards me,,,
    I keep my mouth shut and try to carry on with my day,,,

    my mum-well theres a laugh, she thinks i should get a caravan and be some gypsy nomad. just goes to show what she thinks of me.

    i have a few good friends i can rely on in a pinch but they all have their own problems so i find it hard to vent.

    i end up not saying anything and just thinking shit instead. the more shit I think the more graphic and detailed it becomes.

    I have a taste for medieval/Chinese/roman and Greek torture/death sentence devices so believe me when i say my imagination is not purely limited to burning,crushing and smashing, im just careful about the sort of things i dare air, even here as people are judgmental.

    If i want to act out any sadistic tendencies i use myself or do it safely through a lifestyle like BDSM.

    its just getting worse,, i see the old bat from next door and i imagine all manner of weird and wonderful things.

    Its nice to know im not alone in this though,, makes me feel a tad shitty to think im the only one with these kinds of thoughts.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2011
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