Do you ever wonder?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by I'mNotHere, Oct 7, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. I'mNotHere

    I'mNotHere Guest

    ...if people would miss you? But you know the answer is no, but you just keep trying harder and harder to fool yourself, maybe, just maybe one person would?

    I feel as if no matter how much I look around, I'm always just forgotten. It' not that I did anything 'great' or good for anyone. It's just...I feel like...just trying, maybe someone cares. Maybe someone does. I just can't feel it. But then I know I'm just lying to myself. I'm just always trying to find an incentive to live. But I can't.

    I don't feel connected...I don't have my mom or dad. I don't feel like I had people to 'guide' me. I just taught myself everything. But I'm an awful teacher. I screwed up so many times. And I'm just an embarassment. And I feel so unloved, that nobody cares. I don't have the dignity to post in my name.

    I don't really have friends. I don't have anything. I've planned to 'do it' next year...I've actually been content since I made that decision. I still get depressed, but not as much. I'm just trying to enjoy the time I have left. Sometimes I feel like I'm running out of time. And I know I am. I'm just...content but in pain. And for some reason, my heart just keeps trying to find someone that cares...

    I can't tell anyone. The few times I get asked 'how are you' over the week, I lie. Inside I'm always tore up, and I lie. Because it's hard enough just to get people to talk to me...then to push them away by complaining about my stupid thoughts? I don't want to. I'll listen, you can vent, and if you can leave happy at the end of the day, that's good enough for me...

    But I just keep trying. I keep waiting. I'm running out of time. In reality I have like more than a year until I wanted to do it, it's just...I'm breaking apart. I can't tell anyone, I'm breaking apart. And nothing is working anymore...I know I'm gonna lose. Because I know people don't care. If people don't care, I want to disappear. I want to apologize. And just never come back.

    I just want someone to really care...instead of living in empty worlds, and lying to myself...
     
  2. $MyName

    $MyName Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel, it's very much what used to hold me back from doing anything, until late last year. You keep holding out hope that there'll be some who really cares, or someone will come along and take that spot up. You feel like the people who are around are just all words and politeness but don't really care, so you don't say anything, and play along with them.

    I still struggle to feel like anyone cares now, even though when I think logically I can see at least a few people who really, genuinely would. I think I need to teach myself to accept that there are some 'real' people in this world of fakes. I'm slowly getting better at it, but it's really hard when you're in the spot where you can't see anyone to talk to or who would care if you suddenly left for good. Maybe we all feel like this to an extent at times? Maybe it's why people feel a need to be in relationships, or hang around a lot of friends whenever they can?

    I don't think you'd be lying to yourself, I think thats you being logical then your emotions and hurt taking over and telling you what they need to, to keep you feeling down.
     
  3. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    yes I wonder that.
     
  4. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I know how it is, I understand. :sad: You may feel alone in your emotions, but you truly are not.

    If I'm correct in who I think you are, then back then (you know when), we'd have said the same thing to each other numerous times. :laugh:

    In any case, everyone screws up. I bet you do it less than most. You're stronger than you think you are, smarter than you think you are, more helpful than you think you are. You're a tremendous individual, especially considering "I'll listen, you can vent, and if you can leave happy at the end of the day, that's good enough for me...". Not many people are willing to do that. Have some faith in yourself. I'm sure more people care and would notice than you've observed.

    Regardless, sometimes lying to yourself is the only way to endure.... these "empty worlds" keep us from getting painfully close to anyone and screwing everything up with them. Boy, do I know how it is.

    Please hang in there. You can talk to me anytime you wish. I don't think it a burden or anything, if you can believe that. You might lie to yourself, but you don't have to lie to everyone. Sometimes just venting the truth can lift a substantial amount of weight from your tortured shoulders. :hug:

    I wish the best for you.
     
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    When the world around you seems that way, it can break your soul. Some people are very unlucky in that, no one cares for them or has any sort of feelings for them.
    In truth, there are people out there who do or will care for you in the future both in that you know them but don't realize it or you haven't met them yet but when they do come into your life they, it will happen.
     
  6. Reaper_01

    Reaper_01 Member

    I never wonder, because I know that nobody would miss me. Except for my mother, but once she's gone, for a fact nobody would miss me.

    If anyone did, somebody would have at least called me in the last eight years.

    Everybody I knew moved on with their lives and I guess I got left behind in the debris.
     
  7. Jenny:[

    Jenny:[ Active Member

    i know exactly how you feel :sad:
    my aim is LnTylerwetrust if you'd like to talk sometime.


     
  8. ih8u

    ih8u Active Member

    i know there are a few that care a lot about me, which is what holds me back from ending this. but i also know that they'll move on without me eventually. being chronically sick sucks especially from something that doesnt kill you, but gives you loads of pain, discomfort and embarassment.
     
  9. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    i wonder who would miss me all the time. and i wonder who would be at my funeral, which i know a lot of people wonder about too. =/
     
  10. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    i try not to wonder..i try to be realistic whne it comes to certain people. I know certain ones would miss me and i know others wouldn't give a fuck but would probably put on a fake teary eyed face just to pretend.
     
  11. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I dont think about it, im too consumed with trying to find a reason to live, to worry about whether people will miss me when im dead. I know i could count that number of people at less than 10 though .
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2007
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.