Do you fall for people too quickly?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Dec 24, 2009.

  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Does anybody else do any of these things?

    A) Meet somebody (this person could be a friend or an acquaintance or a colleague, or even someone you barely know or speak to), become attracted to them, fall head over heels madly in love with them over a really short period of time.

    B) Start dating somebody, not even entirely sure you like them to begin with but once you break up you are completely crushed because you realise you are alone again and somehow have managed to convince yourself you were falling for them.

    C) Start dating somebody and fall for them like... within the week!

    D) Anything along these lines, where you either make a new friend or meet someone new and all of a sudden you are falling for them and it just seemingly makes no sense if you were in your right mind, because in being truthful with yourself you can see NO REASON why you would be falling for this person other than the fact that they are a living breathing human who likes you and is treating you nicely.

    Because this has just happened to me and I am devastated, we broke it off yesterday (amicably and I broke it off first, he just agreed) yet I am completely crushed. I dated this guy for TWO WEEKS. Now all I can think is how I much I miss his smell and I can't get him out of my mind and I can't think or sleep. How could I have fallen so hard in TWO WEEKS? I didn't even like him very much when we first met... I'm quite sure of that.

    What is wrong with me? :sad: Am I really THAT pathetic?
  2. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Not anymore.

    Nobody likes to be rejected. If you over immersed yourself with his presence in such a short amount of time, while neglecting your personal life, etc. then that could be part of it.

    To me, it sounds like you're possibly wanting anyone who comes into your life, whether there's a logical reason to like him or not. Maybe you just like the feeling of being enamored.
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    That's the thing - I wasn't rejected. I broke up with him... mainly because he wasn't being the boyfriend I wanted, is the only way I can put it. Long story short, I ended things and asked if we could stay friends and he agreed that maybe he wasn't in the right place to be in a full on relationship right now and friends would be good and we can see what happens in the future.
    And then again I've turned down so many guys in the last few months I know for sure it's not just me wanting ANYBODY, otherwise I wouldn't have turned them down, surely? My head makes no sense right now.

    I don't really have a personal life either - so there was nothing to neglect. I mean I was still going to work and stuff.

    I think the rest of what you said could be dead on though.
  4. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Let me rephrase - by saying 'Wanting anyone who comes into your life,' meaning those who come into it in terms of dating even if they don't fit the bill. However, you saw early on that this was not going to work. Pat yourself on the back for that.

    Since you have no personal life, then forming a potential relationship basically would mean that the man you're dating would take up all that space. Perhaps due to the fact that you lack a personal life, a man would end up being your whole world? Certainly this doesn't have to be the case even if one were not to have a personal life while maintaining a relationship.

    Analyzing this too heavily has its drawbacks. At least you realize that this is problematic. That may be enough - recognizing the problem and attempt to not repeat it in the future.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i've had infatuations, i can usually tell they are infatuations, projections of something i want on a distant aquaintence... but then.. i fell in love n it was too much for me. that time, it took me i think a few months to hit rock bottom...
  6. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Patsy - GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!!

    :( - I dont know how to break the cycle even when you know the feelings are crazy and destructive.

    I think we like to just keep hurting outselves :(
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I wish I knew how to stop it... I know we both do this and it's killing me, I can't breathe today. I'm sat here in my pjs just like taking deep breaths. It's so pathetic.
  8. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    Yah, this happens to me so much. I'm not in love at the moment, but I really like someone. We've been talking so far and I'm surprised it's gone this far. I'm trying to keep my wits about me and not get carried away. I keep telling myself, get to know him and take things slow and steady. I also tell myself to have realistic expectations, so that I'm not too disappointed if things don't work out later.

    I don't know if some of the feelings I had in the past about different guys were really love. It's hard to say. I fell for some of them very quickly, though. Maybe not all of them were deranged obsessions. I know that with some of the men I liked, I was too afraid to take it further. Looking back, maybe if I had been more assertive, things could have been different. I'll never know. But I'm trying to change that now.

    Some people can go back and reconnect with lost love interests and make it happen, but in my case, I've put them in the past.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 27, 2009
  9. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    how r u ever pathetic... ur human ... u make connections with people and when they end u mourn the lost of that, weather u ended it or not... dont feel guilty for how u feel..ur beating ur self up for nothing by adding on guilt to all the other feelings ur having.... i dont have many guy friends because I tend to get crushes on them instantly when ever they pay me any attention so I know what ur saying...idk honey but ur an awesome person .... :hug:
  10. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    it takes an unbelievably ridiculous amount of time for me to fall for someone. i've been divorced for seven years and have only fallen (a little bit) for one guy. that was after knowing him for about nine months. i guess you could say it's not all that important to me. oh well
  11. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Yeh. Well, I have never dated anyone or had a gf, but I fall for people I barely know just because I know them... if that makes sense...

    It is office syndrome for me, desperation, clinging to someone seen as a possibility if they are attractive, then my mind goes mad and I think about them all the time, every little dose of them I get makes me worse.

    Its not that this person is the one, or that I am in love, it is that they talk to me, or perhaps have to for work purposes. There are plenty of people out there but I do not meet them.
  12. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Aw thank you Steeb.
    And I know the feeling believe me, although what sucks more is it can happen to me with girls too. If a girl is a little bit too nice for me I will totally start to have a crush on her too. I hate being this way though!
  13. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    Sadly I think that is what happens to me too. Projecting what you want onto another peron, even though they are not like that at all..yeah that's got me into trouble a few times. I fall for people VERY fast and easily. It's really stupid, then I end up getting hurt, from rejection or self-sabotage.
  14. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I can't say that I've ever falllen for someone.
  15. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    After 24 years of marriage and 3 years divorced...

    Yeah, I think it is the fact that I am "in love" with the idea of being "in love" that gets me. I don't even consider most of the men who have approached me; but if the guy looks like a good match - that we could really connect - I fall fast and hard (in my mind :-o )- but at the first sign of a problem; that he would be bad for me or my kids, I back out just as quickly.

    The difficulties I have had are to realize that I was worth being cared about and treated nicely; and trust issues. Still struggle with that. The pain of being alone vs. the difficulty of trusting and being vulnerable. I think when I fall fast the loneliness is greater than the risk.
  16. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    Same here. When a girl showed attention to me, I kind of fell in love with her. We were just friends, emailing each other about various adventures we had. Every time I heard from her, I learned more about her and fell more in love. I eventually sent her flowers for her birthday, which she appreciated, but I sent flowers again a month later... That time with a romantic message. She gave me the "just friends" talk, and said she hoped I felt the same way. I let her know that I do like her, but our friendship is so important to me that I would never risk compromising it. But now I’m starting to feel empty and broken because she isn't talking to me like she used to... the openness and depth is no longer there, just quick replies.

    My problem is that I can't let go... After we met up again a few weeks ago, my resolve was doubled, and now I can't stop thinking about her. To me it feels like I didn’t try hard enough if I just give up. I keep thinking of gifts I can give her, things I could say to cheer her up or make her feel happy. I've been working for hours on a CD case/gift box for a CD she asked about. I just want to see her again. I even had a dream last night about spending the day with her, just having fun, talking and stuff. That's the second time in the past couple weeks. I felt great until I realized it was only a dream. :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 30, 2009
  17. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    Hmm.. nope. I've never even reached a) yet.
  18. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    Yes, I have. It's horrible when they don't reciprocrate your feelings.
    I'm trying so hard to get over it but it's so painful.
  19. ilsa

    ilsa Member

    Yes! I get major crushes on just about any remotely attractive guy who gives me positive attention, because it doesn't happen much. But I'm careful to display no interest at all even when they start showing signs of attraction to me. It's mostly because I'm socially awkward and can't take rejection, but it's also because I build these poor guys up in my mind so much and I'd rather not have those fantasies ruined by the real thing. Yeah, it's f*cked up and weird.
  20. silent_beast

    silent_beast Active Member

    At one point, yes I did fall for people too quickly. It wasn't love, but a profound adoration of them. But, I have been hurt too many times, so now, I am hesitant to become smitten with them so early.