Do you feel like I do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by coolspot, Jul 7, 2008.

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  1. coolspot

    coolspot Member

    I have beenn having strange thought as far a i can remember and really thought ending it all about 2 yrs ago.

    I suffer from blackouts caused by stress but when i try and identify hat causes it i eva blackout again or i find no answer at all.

    This went on for about 6 months till my work sacked me for having so much time off and my wok levels suffered to much. i then chenged jobs to a summer job of very little pay but big enjoyment which i had done before and was fine.

    No i am having the same problems as 2yrs ago but also have now found out 6 months ago, that while blacked out i held a knife to my dad and at the time my girlfriend as well before running off into the night and geting picked up by police.

    i have been having dreams of killing people asince taking anti-depresionts which i have now stoped taking but the dreams are still coming up a few times a week.

    I feel as if i can't control how i feel anymore, i have a house (with my ex)and plan moving out to live with my new girlfriend of a few months and she i have told her that i have these problems. She says that we can sort these things out over time but as we don't live together yet we don't see each other much as i can't really have her over and can't go to hers.

    Today i was standing on the edge of beechy head really scaring my self of how easy it would be to just (you know) luckly i had her with me to talk to or i don't know what would/could have happened.

    Does anyone else have problems that thy just can't find a slight answer to cos this really does scare me? And this is just half my problems.

    Sorry for the rant.
  2. Blueberry

    Blueberry Active Member

    Well, there is a solution -- and the first meds may not have worked, but trying again is usually a good idea.

    Going back and talking with a psychiatrist would probably be a good idea -- since they have advanced degrees and know how to help sort out exactly what's going on.

    It sounds like you're in crisis and really could use some help and calmness.
  3. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    that last blackout could be a type of parasomnia, kinda like sleep walking but you're better at it hahah. Yea a pychiatrist could help, for example changing antidepressants but i think its also worth while seeing a general doctor and seeing if he can refer you to someone (possibly a neurologist? i dont know who usually handles parasomnias). Also that one violent blackout may be an isolated incident since all ur other blackouts have been....well I dont know i guess cos u didnt go into detail. I'd go see someone and see if this becomes a recurring problem (the violent blackouts) before worrying too much about it

    or u mite be like sybal and have 54352546325 multiple nah jk that would be REALLY rare
  4. coolspot

    coolspot Member

    sorry as i said theres alot going on in my lil head. i have had a few others but they wern't as bad. i did at one point have a knife and was ready to stab while she was asleep. i have also had dreams of doing it to, even to the point of aking up in the bathroom washing blood (which isn't there) off my hands.

    i could safely say i have blacked out over 200 odd times most times i just drop to the floor for a 10 mins to a few hours but always in a safe enviroment

    meds i have had them changed nd then taken off them as i made a good recovery from depression now i only have a lil that is caused by my current problems.

    thanks for your advice so far:biggrin:
  5. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    200 odd times?? do the doctors know wat it is? if that keeps going one day ur gonna knock your head against something (which you probably have already) bad
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