I have beenn having strange thought as far a i can remember and really thought ending it all about 2 yrs ago. I suffer from blackouts caused by stress but when i try and identify hat causes it i eva blackout again or i find no answer at all. This went on for about 6 months till my work sacked me for having so much time off and my wok levels suffered to much. i then chenged jobs to a summer job of very little pay but big enjoyment which i had done before and was fine. No i am having the same problems as 2yrs ago but also have now found out 6 months ago, that while blacked out i held a knife to my dad and at the time my girlfriend as well before running off into the night and geting picked up by police. i have been having dreams of killing people asince taking anti-depresionts which i have now stoped taking but the dreams are still coming up a few times a week. I feel as if i can't control how i feel anymore, i have a house (with my ex)and plan moving out to live with my new girlfriend of a few months and she i have told her that i have these problems. She says that we can sort these things out over time but as we don't live together yet we don't see each other much as i can't really have her over and can't go to hers. Today i was standing on the edge of beechy head really scaring my self of how easy it would be to just (you know) luckly i had her with me to talk to or i don't know what would/could have happened. Does anyone else have problems that thy just can't find a slight answer to cos this really does scare me? And this is just half my problems. Sorry for the rant.