Do you feel like this?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Breathe, Apr 23, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    Yesterday i self harmed, thinking about life but i asked for help on this forum and i have made a doctors appointment to seek medical help. but now...i'm fine.
    this happens everytime, one moment i am depressed and reaching out for help next day i am wondering what the hell made me like that and feel stupid for acting the way cause i feel fine. I am so confused, i know i will soon get depressed again but at the moment there is no reason for me to go doctors its like that part of me is detached. a distant memory for now i cant remember much of it now i think about it.... :huh: still going docs, forcing myself in all honesty.
    i know it sounds weird but i rather be depressed all the time then these constant mood swings. its been bugging me all day.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2009
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Each of us have moods that change throughout the course of the day and according to what we are doing...that is human nature...so glad you are feeling better and yes, please go to the doctor to see if the really low moods can be stabilized...big hugs, J
     
  3. Celebrated Thing

    Celebrated Thing Well-Known Member

    Yes, everyday I get this weird happy surge where I feel like I can do anything and everything is beautiful and like two hours later I crash and hate myself. I dont even enjoy when I get the happy feeling cause I know its fake and wont last. You can try to remind yourself that the sadness your feeling will leave you in a couple hours and you will feel good again. Dont ever feel stupid, your not, emotions are incredibly powerful and can be hard to overcome when you feel like you cant control them.

    When you feel like you might hurt yourself again, try to catch and remind yourself how you will look back on this. When I feel like I want to hurt myself, I try to remember that I will feel good again, but the scar stays. The bad moment will leave but the scar will be a constant reminder for me. Though it hasnt worked everytime, it has helped me. I hope this helps, if not Im sorry.
     
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    When you have your appointment, discuss these swings and shifts with your doctor, even if your now feeling the opposite.
     
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    happens to me every time. i feel like such a liar when i'm on a "fine" moment, but i always know that i will end up back in the bad places. thats what you gotta think about, the bad times are bad, and shouldnt happen. so regardless of how you feel you need help with the bad times :hug:
     
  6. Saunder

    Saunder New Member

    I'm new here. Hope you get the help you deserve. ( I'm severely depressed ).
     
  7. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    Your right sheep, that's exactly how i feel when i am fine, a liar.
    God the appointment is in like a hour, i better get ready :sad: i mean what if they send me to a institution? I am 16 so they cant tell my family but if i refuse treatment or prove a danger to myself or others they can :unsure: then i will be sectioned and also what if the doctor doesn't understand? or just laughs in my face? god i am getting myself worked up :nerves:
    But *sigh* i got to go through with this, i got some new cuts in the last few minutes as i am getting really nervous and depressed as i revel over what i am going to be saying. The annoying thing is i know in a few hours i will be fine, hyper and happy urgh damn it. I will discuss these mood swings with my doc thanks for reminding me Mystic. After the doctors i have crappy college but i have made sure to end the day with something good, hanging out with my mates :) that should cheer me up and plus it gives me something to look forward to.
    Thank you for your support guys :hug:. I'll post up what the verdict is after college. I have to remind myself that i am being strong for looking for help not weak :dry:.
    Before which i will go have some skittles, skittles makes everything better lol bye for now :victory:
     
  8. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I hope the doctors appointment goes well for you.
     
  9. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    i second that, let us know how it goes for you. remember even if you feel good, you still need help with the bad :hug:
     
  10. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    I kinda skived college. i needed some time to think so i sat by the canal side enjoying the sun after the appointment lol, i needed me time.
    It went okay. he understood my wish not to inform my parents, he was very helpful and he was fine with everything...except when i lied to him then admitted that action. i told him that i had feelings of self harming and suicide, then i admitted i do self harm. he was a little distressed because as i actually act upon those feelings i could act upon the suicidal feelings so as he put it "it changes everything."
    He phoned an adolescent mental clinic who took his medical opinion and my details and who are going to phone me later today on my mobile to have a "chat".
    i didn't know self harming affected it so bad. at first he said because of my age he did not want me on antidepressants, and that i would have one or two meetings with these clinic guys, though after i admitted self harming he changed his tone. he said it is very likely i will have to see a psychiatrist and just as such i will be put on medication. It is up to these clinic guys now, they will phone either tonight or after the weekend seeing it is Friday.
    Before i left the room he asked if i was going to try anything after, if i needed counseling right now and such. i said no, i wouldn't try anything drastic. he gave me a GP's number to call if i needed help and also told me if anything happens over the weekend to go to Accident and Emergency room they will help me there too.

    So all in all. It went fine. i have decided to tell my parents if i do get put on medication and sent to see someone but for now i will be their normal daughter. i did miss out a few things when telling him my symptoms i was in a bit of a distress when admitting them to another person face to face. I feel a little worried for the future events as i don't know what will happen in much detail but i feel better now i am getting help and i know i will get better over time.

    Thank you everyone for your support on this :hug: you've been a big help i don't think i would of gone without this forum.
    :victory:
    xx
     
  11. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I'm a bit late catching on. I'm really glad you felt that the dr responded to you with some empathy, i've been to enough drs in my time to know that some aren't so helpful! I'd really advocate telling your parents what has been happening for you, just because i know when i'm really depressed my mind goes haywire and i really need my family around me otherwise i wouldn't be able to get any treatment. It sounds to me that you can be the same, that is why i think it may be useful.
    Yeh, what happened to you has happened to me in the past more often than i can count. In fact, i so often can't remember being depressed when i'm fine that i do just drop treatment/play down the implications of the depression. It just happened to me recently actually, about 7 months ago i went through an angry stage and stopped all medication (not a wise idea but i was too angry to care back then!), then i became severely depressed for about 6 months, i got given another psych appt because my family got worried (it was not my idea, i was too depressed to think at the time - hence why i think it is important to have someone to monitor your moods), but about a wk before the appt i was suddenly fine again and then i didn't want to go to the appt because i felt i didn't need any help. It is catch 22, when i'm depressed i don't want help as nothing will help, and when i'm fine i don't feel i need any help! So yep it really sucks, because when i'm fine i play down my depression and laugh it off. I had to remember that i do feel so depressed i'm suicidal sometimes, and that isn't okay. But it is hard to say these things and not feel like you are making a mountain out of a molehill. (again i think it helps at this point to have family support reminding us that we weren't okay a few wks earlier).
    I don't switch from fine to depressed everyday like you, that must be exhausting! I have bouts of depression and periods of feeling fine, just unfortunately the 'fine' periods are way too short (e.g.weeks)!! I hate the mood swings too but i know that the only way i'm alive today is because of my periods when i escape the depression, having that light relief builds up my energy again. I would hate to be depressed continuously. I've just endured 6months - it was starting to become intolerable.

    Good luck with the next step in your recovery plan!
     
  12. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    Yes my mood swings are exhausting and very confusing :laugh: I have only been able to keep to one mood for 2 days at max. But though I feel the mood swings I do not let them show in front of others in my life.

    I do not really want to tell my parents as my father will leave me alone not in a nasty abandonment way but he does not know what to do. My mother on the other hand will spread the news to everyone which she did when she initially found out last year and I had to wake up every morning to "how are you feeling mentally?" that made me feel like i was a psycho path :sad:

    Thank you for your input though, reading it I might see if I should tell one of my friends or contemplate telling a family member. I feel somewhat the same to you, when I am depressed I want help sometimes but I feel weak for asking for it or I just want people to leave me alone because I believe it wont help me but when I am fine I feel stupid for feeling depressed as it does not affect me at the it. Crazy 'eh? :laugh:
     
  13. esc_13

    esc_13 Guest

    My experinces are extremely similar to yours, like you i went to see the gp and sort of told them bits and pieces, i ended up having to attend a mental health clinic. I was put on meds, and had weekly appointments. For this reason i would tell your parents, because finding excuses for school and such can be a pain in the a**. I personally choose not to tell my parents, and in some ways regret. My mum is very much like yours, when she finally found out she didn't mind spreading the news around to all her friends. One important thing, is that if you go and see the p.doc, etc try to be as honest as possible, not always easy but very important.
     
  14. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    I was thinking about telling them today but she is in a bad mood over my brother eating all the ice cream? So if she gets angry over that how will she react to me self harming again and the truth I have not been talking to her all this time?

    I am in college but yes getting time off might be a bit hectic. I was thinking about doing a year out of 2 on this course am doing getting the award for doing a year and then quitting so I can go into a mental institution if needed and to take some me time, probably taking a part time job and getting myself "sorted" does anyone think this is a good idea? I'm not that sure. :unsure:

    :blink: Yeah I have learnt to be honest now, as the doc had to phone up the clinic to tell them I do act on my self harming feelings :dry: I am worried to what he meant by "This changes everything"

    I dare not tell my college about it because a acquaintance of mine for Air Cadets told me he was kicked from the same course as me because he was on anti-depressants and was seeing a psychiatrist.

    What is it like? The meds, appointments and such. If you do not mind me asking.
     
  15. esc_13

    esc_13 Guest

    For me personally, the meds didn't work but then again i was only on one type. I sort of gave up on the whole appts. and meds after 6 months or so. The appointments for me were two different types, one was with a psychiatrist, and one with a counsellor/psychologist. I found that i wasn't completely honest, which really didn't help. I found it hard to talk to someone strange about all my feelings, plus sometimes i suck about putting it into words. If your like that it could be better writing down how you have felt and taking that along with you.
     
  16. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    Yeah I heard writing it down helps, I might honestly try that. Yes exactly like me, I tell bits and pieces but never the full story. Though it does seem a little strange handing a piece of paper in or reading off it, do the doctors think that is rehearsed or your faking it? I have been told I am faking it by a lot of people before.

    Do meds work for anyone cause everytime i look into it i have heard they dont help :unsure:
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.