I am sitting here with racing thoughts, my mind trying to catch up, but like a loop, my thoughts just continue racing over and over. Like many people on here, I too have a very hard time making friends, and have always had my heart broken. I too have always found myself doing for others and not doing for myself. Why? I do not know. I've always tried to keep peace, because I can not handle the yelling, the cursing. I've never have gone off on someone before - well, maybe once or twice to someone I didn't know but was told I was in a state of manic due to Bi-Polar. I've had my runs in with the law before, heck I'm going through the system now for a non-violent, stupid mistake....and when I wanted the court to know about my mental status, well, lets just say my lawyer said "Nope....I'm not telling and you will accept the plea for the misdemeanor (However you spell it)". My counselor said I suffer from some impairment in reality testing or communication - speech at times is illogical, obscure or irrelevant and I have major impairment in areas such as work, family relations, judgment, thinking and moods. It seems the only real intelligence I have is in computers (Repair, programming, etc) but when it comes to making proper judgment calls, I sometimes make mistakes and not realize it at the time I don't think I'm a bad person, but in my mind I feel people hate me, my family disowns me, my lawyer doesn't care about me as a person at all, and I'm afraid to go outside, afraid of people wanting to hurt me. I know it sounds crazy, but I honestly feel that my life would be so much better if I just never existed anymore. Should I have told the court about my mental illness before I accepted the plea? I know it was only a low level misdemeanor, but still I feel that at the time I was not thinking proper or making good judgment. Don't take my mistake as me being a horrible person please, just wanted opinions is all.