Ok, so I've been thinking a lot about this recently, and I've come to the conclusion that although I often get treated like shit by other people, I probably deserve it because of my BPD. Hear me out. Because I have emotional instabilities and can't always control myself, and because of the insecurity and the abandonment and the various other issues that I have, it causes me to behave in an unpleasant manner sometimes. Therefore, and talking mainly relationships but also friendships (as I have been abandoned by my closest 'friend' because of this), how can I possibly expect to become close to a 'nice girl'? The gender issue may or may not impact upon it, but... seriously, who's gonna want to be close to someone like me?! It's only recently that I realise how, in life, to some degree I think we all get what we deserve. I feel that I'm not 'good enough' to be close to someone who will treat me right, and hence I end up with the ones who just want to use and hurt me. For a while I had been thinking, how unfair - but lately I've begun to realise that it just seems to be the way of the world, and that with my disorder it's actually more unfair of ME to expect someone decent and genuine to be close to me. It's still upsetting to think that I will never share that true, honest closeness that many people take for granted - but at the same time, I think maybe it's for the best. After all, I bring it on myself because of my illness. These days, I don't even look for nice girls any more - I seek out the nasty ones, because it's what I'm used to and what I understand. If a girl is nice to me for too long it just freaks me out! Does anyone else feel that they get treated like shit because it's all they deserve?