do you have a draft of a suicide note that you revise from time to time?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lawstudentindebt, Dec 2, 2009.

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  1. lawstudentindebt

    lawstudentindebt Active Member

    I have one--it's about 120 pages right now, and I constantly reword it to make it clearer. I spent about 6 hours this morning working on it. I'm actually fairly proud of its quality and think it's my best piece of writing. When I'm revising it, I usually envision it being read aloud, in its entirety, at my funeral, which I recognize is a sick thought, but it makes me really care about its logic and structure. Usually, I feel less suicidal after I work on it for a while, but for a rather perverse reason: I feel like I can't kill myself until the written product is absolutely perfect, and I'm never quite satisfied 100% with the explanation, and feel like there needs to be more said, so I never get around to doing the deed.
  2. 1victor

    1victor Well-Known Member

    Yes, I have.
    But mine gets shorter every time I revise it.
    Now it's one or two sentences to each of my friends or relative.

    You can easily bury your point in the pile of words. Over the time people say: "I do not know what his/her problems was but he sure had talent as a writer."

  3. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I have written suicide letters to all my "friends" in the past but as time went by I have destroyed some for not being necessary anymore (after losing all contact with the person), revised them to take into consideration recent events or create new ones for new people who entered my life. Only two letters have never been changed since the initial writting.
  4. maranature

    maranature Well-Known Member

    Mmm, not really sure what I'd say in my suicide note.

    There was a play on in London a couple of months ago called '4.48 Psychosis', which was written by a woman who committed suicide. Effectively the play is a suicide note.

    Whilst it's obviously gloomy to read such material, evidently people who visit this forum are going to be drawn to such writing.

    Make of it what you will.

    I suppose by reading others' emotional experience it makes me feel slightly less lonely, wiser, aware that I'm not the only one.
  5. kurenai

    kurenai Well-Known Member

    I love that play!! And I'm not sure that writing a play before you commit suicide means that your play is a suicide note. I think she was trying to say something more. Not that we'll find out what it is.
  6. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    I have one and I'd rather not use it...but my situation is very desperate right now.
    Not sure I can hold onto the last glimpse of hope for long.
    In my note I am mentioning all the people who hurt me the most, starting from my ex employer who is the major cause of my bad situation as it stands now.
    I'd rather not do it and actually improve my situation for the better. However the act of suicide per se is a consequence of how desperate right now I am as I haven't received any source of income for the last 3 months. Lots of job interviews, loads of rejections, even at 3rd stage interview and no job offer whatsoever.
    Pretty desperate indeed.
    Suicide is the only thing I am thinking about right now to end this misery for good.
  7. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    I don't have one suicide note that I revise, I have many. They are all kept in a folder on my computer "If what happens happens". Usually I write a new one each month.
  8. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I don't....

    but that actually sounds fairly therapeutic.
  9. ghost_rider

    ghost_rider Member

    I keep mine in my email drafts folder. I agree with the OP, they have to be perfect. In the event they are needed I always envision being able to have them sent at a predetermined date/time.
  10. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I am terribly sorry you feel so desperate. I am rooting for you :console:.

    I have a grammatically imperfect rough draft of a suicide note that I hope accomplishes the absolution of anyone's responsibility and gives, I hope, comfort. I don't understand how a suicide "note" can be 120 pages long but everyone is an individual.
  11. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about feeling better after working on it. I had a notebook with some poems in it maybe 10-13 pages of work front and back. Every poem was about how i felt so people could understand me better and the final writing in it was my note but it felt like they were all part of the note. Anyway after each one i finished it felt like part of the pain that i wrote about was no longer in me but on the paper. It was my self therapy you could call it. I thought of people reading them all at my funeral too.
  12. Raven

    Raven Guest

    Yes, I nope is never read, I say sorry to my parents they will not understand, I note to two people who never understood I told her why did she shot realize what I was saying. I wrote it for someone to read yet I pray it is never read.

  13. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    I didn't actually think of leaving a note until now. It sounds like a great idea. I just have no idea what it should say.
  14. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    I have some notes hidden away somewhere, I wrote one for significant people in my life. But that was a while ago and now they are outdated and I have no significant people in my life. I might leave a note but it would only be a few words, or a sentence, I really don't care.
  15. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Nope no notes!! Once I am dead it won't matter anyhow..Half of my family don't even talk to me because of my illness and the other half just ignore it like it's going to go away..
  16. towei

    towei Member

    I started writing mine, but I'm not satisfied since it's not perfect... It was so hard to write it, because I just started crying while I was writing. I'm on page 4 now, and basically I try to explain that it was my wish, and my decision. That there shouldn't be any blame on anyone but me, and that nothing anybody could've said could've changed my wishes. I mention my friends, wife and family with a personal note, and well-wishes, and some well-thought-of words that I hope can contribute to there cope of loss of me.
  17. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    It's the oddest thing I haven't been able to shed tears for some time.

    Not for myself or anyone else. I have some medical problems I don't know if it's related to that or what?
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I've closed this thread, since suicide notes aren't permitted here.
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I've re-opened this thread, but please remember that suicide notes aren't permitted here. If one is posted, it will be deleted and the member warned.
  20. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    Thank you :)
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