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Do you know what's missing from your life?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Frank Smith, Apr 7, 2012.

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  1. Frank Smith

    Frank Smith Member

    I have no life goal, no specific one anyway. I go wherever the wind takes me. Never from when I was younger did I know what I wanted to do in life, never had any career goals, have no real interest or hobbies and generally live for the day, which pretty much consist of working full time and sitting on my coach on my day off. I don't know if you would describe it has depression, but I have never been happy. Right now I am bored with life, have been for as long as I can remember.

    First I thought it was friends. Being bullied in pretty much every school I have attended knocked all the confidence out of me. Recently, though most I would not describe as true friends, I have met a few work-friends and being going out more often, but still, though I enjoy myself at times, it does not change the way I feel.

    Also thought it must be about relationships. I do like to have someone I can talk to, I like people who show faith in me and the person I most admire is no one famous, just someone I met a few years ago who, I think it would be a fair thing to say, never think about me. However, I wonder how much that would change. I definitely would start getting into shape, maybe step my game up at work for a promotion, but in terms of working for a relationship?

    You guys have probably seen my previous thread. One of the prettiest girls I have seen told me one time "any time you want to go out, whether it's just hanging out or going out to eat, whatever, please just tell me". I never took her up on it. A few weeks later I get a call asking when I am going to take her out, in the most unenthusiastic way, I made the ahhh noise when you trying think or remember something and told her I'll let her know. The week after, she just decided to tell me that we were going out (she saw the timetable and noticed we had the same days off) and it was a really good weekend, we went out everyday, done something different, good times.

    I never took it up from there. Loved her to death, but just as I was going to tell her that I liked her, another guy came into the picture. Now I am in a situation where she is going to choose between the two. But now I am thinking, if you do go out with her, are you going to give her the attention? Yeah, now and again you will take her out some where special, but if she was going to call you whilst you were typing this thread for example, would you want to have a conversation with her? Would you drop what you are doing, which is nothing, and go hang out with her? The answer is no.

    Another girl I was seeing said I was well too self-concerned for her. Yeah it was great when I took her out every couple of months or so, but if you don't care enough to see her and call her in between, what's the point?

    So I am in a situation where over the past 2 days all I have been doing is thinking this situation over and over again, typing on boards and just going round in circles. I have come to the conclusion I am simply not ready for a relationship, mainly because I do not know what I want from life, or whether I even want it. But at the same time, I am crazy for the person.

    My life needs meaning, and to be honest, I have done shit all to find what it could be. I am a hard worker, but I lack enthusiasm, any goals, interest, ANYTHING!
  2. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    If you cannot give a potential partner in a relationship the attention that they need and deserve, then I agree with you that a relationship is probably not the best thing for you right now. As for finding a life goal, what do you enjoy doing? Do you go to college for anything, or are you planning to? Do you have any interests/hobbies?

    Depression might be the reason that you lack any enthusiasm or will power to do anything. Have you tried seeing a doctor and getting diagnosed?
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