Do you know...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by itmahanh, Feb 1, 2010.

  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    how f*cking hard it is to come here day after day offering words that I hope will get through to those that need to hold on. Stretch their limits just a few more inches. Throwing out words that I just cant apply to myself??????

    How many times I've come here actively suicidal hoping that by helping one other person may help pull me back too? But while I'm typing out those words on the inside I'm screaming "if it's what you really believe you need, it is the last option you have then DO IT!!!!! I understand because I want it too!!!!!!!!!!

    But I dont. Not only against the rules but sooooo against who I am. But yet in so many ways it has been said to me. "Then just do it!!" How when that's all you are capable of hearing anymore, thinking anymore and feeling anymore does one turn it off?

    You dont.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You care about people just like we care about you thats why you try to help because you know down deep you don't think suicide is an answer take care.
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I concur, stupid rules and getting in the way of my true feelings. Then again, I can use this forum as another means of self-hatred. Because discouraging people to kill themselves makes me a hypocrite. I hate hypocrites, I can just pile on the self-loathing.
     
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    You get professional help.
     
  5. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I have definitely been the beneficiary of many, many good words and motivating thoughts and good ideas from you, itmahanh, so first of all thank you so much for being there for all of us even though you are suffering so much yourself.. I don't know if you know how much good you have done, maybe you don't believe me but it's true anyway.

    Is there a way you can channel your helpful energy toward yourself? Sort of trick yourself into it? I know how you feel, I feel like the world's biggest hypocrite all the time, posting on here as if I have ANY clue how to help anyone not be suicidal... but if you can manage it, maybe you should try posting how you feel in your own private diary, closing it, waiting a bit, opening it, and then reading your own words as though they were a post from someone else, trying not to let any information that "she" didn't actually post influence your reaction... Then post a response to "her" and then just let the dialogue sort of unfold.. I dunno, maybe a silly idea, just a thought..