how f*cking hard it is to come here day after day offering words that I hope will get through to those that need to hold on. Stretch their limits just a few more inches. Throwing out words that I just cant apply to myself?????? How many times I've come here actively suicidal hoping that by helping one other person may help pull me back too? But while I'm typing out those words on the inside I'm screaming "if it's what you really believe you need, it is the last option you have then DO IT!!!!! I understand because I want it too!!!!!!!!!! But I dont. Not only against the rules but sooooo against who I am. But yet in so many ways it has been said to me. "Then just do it!!" How when that's all you are capable of hearing anymore, thinking anymore and feeling anymore does one turn it off? You dont.