Me and my sister got into a huge argument in the car on the way to pick-up some food. It started with me telling her about my video project for my class and how I wanted her to talk the film seriously even though it's a rough draft and I wanted her to give me some real, constructive criticism about my film. The only reason I said that was because I showed the film to my mother who half watched and half payed attention to it. I really felt like my mother didn't get the just of the film and her criticism wasn't good enough for me. My sister than starts in about how in the real world people are mean and "REAL". I've heard this speech about twenty times before and I just get so tired of hearing it because I have heard it so much. I know that people are mean and aren't always going to be "nice". I was always the weird shy quiet fat ugly girl (still am) so I got picked on and bullied quite a bit. I've had some downright mean things said to my face and my back. My family has been quite mean to me since I was a child. My family has said just as many mean things as my classmates,strangers, supposed friends,etc. When she says things about people not being nice, I know that personally and I feel like it's denying my experiences in life esp. with teasing. My sister is 32 and I'm 21 and of course she knows more than me. Some things she say's I do try to listen to. She's one of those mean pretty girls and she knows it. A couple of months ago she told me and my mom this: "I don't have many female friends because 1. people think I'm mean and 2. Women are jealous of my looks." I spent my youth being stepped on by girls just like that. My mother is a bully as well. My whole life they have been telling me I need to toughen up, get tough,etc. I feel like this whole "I keepz it real""I'm just so honest" thing is an excuse for people to say rude and mean things without consequence. It's one thing to tell the truth and to stand up for yourself but that doesn't mean you can walk over other people. I feel like a lot of these people wouldn't say things to people who they think would stand up to them and say something back. I don't come from a nice gentle loving family. My family has never been that way ever! They've always been mean,bullies, and even abusive. I'm so jealous of people who come from happy loving families were they were encouraged. In my family almost everything is negative and we're usually fighting every other day and it gets violent. However, there are a lot of people faking their families "happiness" in public too. I love my family but I just don't like them, I feel like they don't like me either. I see how racist and bullying they are. Yet I'm not a perfect picture either. I can be rude and mean sometimes. I said a rude thing to my sister when we were fighting and I feel horrible about it. I want to be a better person. I've been trying lately and it's difficult. I need therapy because there is just no way I can go on without. In a couple of months I'm leaving the city to go to college somewhere and live on my own. I'm a bit excited to get away because I've always wanted to leave. I was planning a sort of family/family friend trip to Las Vegas for over the Summer but now I'm thinking about canceling it. Too much drama and I have other things going on.