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Do you love your parents even if they abused you?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by doityourself, Apr 20, 2011.

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  1. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    These questions have been coming to my mind, esp after some of the conversations Ive had with my mom lately.

    If you were abused as a child by your parent, do you still love and respect them. Im finding it hard to find any type of emotion towards my mom other than hate and disappointment.

    My dad is in prison for murder and I feel nothing for him, the devil will surely take him downstairs if there is a such thing. Some may think this is harsh, but the man is a murdeor, child molestor and just crazy, (not like me) he mentally crazy!!

    My mom sat back and let so much happen to us, brought on alot of it herself, so how can I love her.

    When I think of this it brings guilt on, she is my mom shouldnt that be enough for love?

    Why do I feel guilt, how is that fair to me?

    Do any of you think/feel the same way?
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    They are both dead, i do not miss them.
    They adopted me and abused me on many levels.
    I have forgiven them, not the acts but them.
    Now i no longer carry the hate, anger and depression.
    Have decided to let others have that if they want it, i sure as hell dont.
    Letting go is the hardest thing i have ever done.
    But perhaps the best thing too.
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Thank you for posting.

    Did it take thier deaths for you to move past it?
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Yes and no.
    Good question, but i sure am glad i dont have to even try to talk to them.
    Thing is, its not about them, its about me.
    Its about being able to forgive both them and myself.
    Its impossible to let go and move forward until you do.
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    If you dont mind me asking what did you have to forgive yourself for if you were the one abused?
  6. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    good thread. i have mixed feelings towards my family. my mom did nothing to protect us from my dad. i haven't forgiven her for that, even though she is now dead.

    it's more complicated with my dad. even though he abused me horribly i still love him. i am not at all in touch with my anger. i am still stuck thinking of him as i did as a kid. i haven't matured at all in my relationship with him. more therapy for me, i think!
  8. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    No amount of therapy will deal with three letters ..... DAD. way it is.
    I will move towards forgiveness again. Only way.
  9. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I feel ya, even though I try my hardest to get over what was given to me as parents, its hard-my mom still lives the same life, she has brought my 2 sisters down with her and actually taught them the hussle. Im not sure I can ever forget that, or forgive her. There is no relationship there, never really ever had that connection feeling, she doesnt understand me and Im still confused as hell by her.

    I guess it is what it is and we just have to deal with it. I find myself seperating more and more as I get older, I shelter my kids from her life (its easy because we live in differant states). I keep thinking that Im waiting for the day that I will get the phone call of an OD or heart attack. Im over analzying what hasnt even happened yet. Its strange, and confusing. I wont even get on the conversation of my "dad".

    Im sorry that you had a hard childhood as well, Im also sorry that your mom was like mine in a sense and chose her man over her children, even though he was abusing you. Did he abuse her as well? I like how you put your still living in memories of your childhood when thinking of them.

    I to think my mom knew that alot of what was going on, just chose to ignore it. Not saying she was any better, she brought on alot of the abuse and neglect herself. Thats the strangest part because when my H yells or gets on to our kids I get all tense and on alert, waiting for something that has never happened in our household.

    I just find it hard to feel for her, knowing that shes made me this screwed up mental person that I am today, but in the wierd sort of way I still love her to. How is it fair to love and not get love in return from someone that had you, carried you for 10 months in her body, and still feel ashamed and guilty because you dont like her. To many questions, I just hope it doesnt take my whole life to find the answers.
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