Do You See My Smile

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by HarleyTwin, Nov 6, 2012.

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  1. HarleyTwin

    HarleyTwin Staff Alumni

    This is a poem I wrote a while back when some of my old school "bullies" (although a small handful) had added me to Facebook and I felt a flood of emotions coming back to haunt me all over again...not as if they ever left, but still. It was harsh. There was a discussion about bullies in chat earlier, and it reminded me of this: So yeah, it's old, and it was just a huge string of venting in poem form.

    Do you see my smile?
    How it fades when I think of you?
    The names you called me, the hurtful words you used
    I tried to change for you, to help you accept me
    Instead, you used my pain for your own pleasures
    I look at the way your life has become now and it’s not fair
    You’re still the smart, popular and successful ones
    And I’m still here, afraid to go out into the world
    I hate people because of you
    I hate life because of you
    I look back at my years of childhood and wonder where I went wrong
    Was I too ugly?
    Was I too bruised?
    Was I too nice, human, decent?
    Your cruel taunts and your selfish games
    Are all that’s left of my memories which drove me insane
    Do you feel any remorse? Or just pity?
    Why would you torture me like this after all these years?
    Showing me all your happy things you still have?
    What happened to karma?
    Why are you still trying to bring along more of my tears?
    I wanted to prove you all wrong
    But instead, I’m a shell
    If not at home, I was bruised by you
    How am I supposed to have faith in humanity?
    How am I supposed to congratulate you when I only wish you pain?
    Congratulations on your wedding Meghan, I’m glad to see you’ve changed
    Jorgie, I hope for your sake, your love isn’t in vain
    Sarah, your kids are beautiful, I always liked you most of all
    Broadie, if only my words could express sympathy for your fall
    Sam, I know you never liked me, and to this day I wonder why
    I’m sick of wondering the grounds to which you made me cry
    All I wanted at all was a little acceptance
    You didn’t have to like me
    You didn’t have to befriend me
    You didn’t have to invite me to your parties
    But to humiliate me, to use me and abuse me
    It astounds me you’re even human at all
    And after all these years, I question you
    How you searched me out and made me second guess you
    What were your motives?
    What is your plan?
    Are you trying to cast me out again?
    I shouldn’t care, but I do
    Why should a past come back to haunt you?
    Why couldn’t you all be buried and dead
    With only pictures of you still in my head
    The torture you caused me, the life you destroyed
    I need to break free, I’m not longer your toy
    But my past is just that, it cannot be changed
    And with so many people telling me the same
    It’s hard to move on and built up to brand new
    When all that I am, was created by you
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sadly talented...but I hope to see a smile here that confirms how much you are cared for
  3. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    :hug: Phoenix

    I'm sorry that you endured such cruel treatment. I hoe you are able to show that smile again. They cannot hurt you anymore. I would defriend them out of principle.
  4. Jackie's Strength

    Jackie's Strength Staff Alumni

    I really like this, love the ring it has to it. I'm particularly fond of the section where you name individual people.

    ... I'm sorry you had to go through this, especially with what was going on at home. I myself had some difficult experiences in school growing up, and they have definitely scarred me as well. I too hope that you are able to regain your smile.
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