Do you think it's possible to become accustomed to loneliness?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by snarrylover, Jun 4, 2013.

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  1. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I crave the company of other people. I want to go out with them and have fun. But on the rare occasions that I actually get to do that I get really nervous and anxious, and after a while I just want to be left alone. Sometimes I feel the safest in my bedroom all alone, but I want to be social. I think I've been on my own without friends for so long that when I do venture out I hate all the people around me.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes we become comfortable hun staying in our own safe space because we are not challenged then or threatened
     
  3. paulhewson

    paulhewson Well-Known Member

    People can get used to anything.
     
  4. Kirovski22

    Kirovski22 Active Member

    Its very possible. For me everyday is like flipping a coin: one side introvert and one side extrovert. And i can get accustomed to either of them depending on how im feeling. I think everyone needs to spend at least some time alone because it can allow reflection on how you are. Plus preferring loneliness and solitude shows for me that you dont fear living life on your own and that you dont always need people around you to create happiness because you can create your own
     
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I think you can become accustomed to it if you deal with it for long enough. I have to get used to it because I have no other choice.
     
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i think these are all valid points.

    totally possible
     
  7. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I like what you said about flipping a coin. I feel the same way - my moods dictate what I'm able to do during the course of the day.

    I know it's not an easy thing to do, but I think becoming accustomed to such a thing is one of the reasons we need to stay distracted or busy. Because once you fall into your comfort zone it's difficult to climb back out. As much as I want to be able to be around people I find it very hard to handle because I'm no longer use to it.
     
  8. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I can relate to the last line. I've often kept myself away even from family, hidden away in my room.

    If in a situation for long enough, we can get accustomed to anything, but to change it, it would have to start from within.
     
  9. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    I think it's very easy to become accustomed to loneliness. Then as you say Snarry it becomes the comfort zone and we are awkward ( or even more awkward) outside it. Slowly, gently becoming accustomed to being around others is probably the best antidote. Taking it at our own pace. Being alone all or even most of the time is not a good thing even if it feels the safest place.
     
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I do think it is possible to get used to being by ourselves. The good thing about social skills is that they are "skills" - we can learn and practice them and become better at them. Long visits with people can make me feel a little overwhelmed sometimes, so I do short exposures until I'm more comfortable. Sometimes, a shared activity/goal helps break the ice (e.g., a hiking group, a crafts club). Being with others seems to get easier the more I do it...My "comfort zone" has grown a bit, so I'm sure if it helped shy, reserved old me, there is hope for everyone. :hug:
     
  11. Vanq

    Vanq Active Member

    I'm so accustomed to being alone that it's my default state. I haven't had a social life since preadolescence. Now I'm 29. I spent so many years alone that when I saw a psychologist a couple years ago, they said I was schizoid. I doubt I'll ever be at home around people. At best I can tolerate them and get along with them(meaning "avoid conflict"), but it's a chore, and it's superficial. It's not something I have the ability to enjoy. To go out and "have fun" with people is an alien concept to me.

    I don't have the sort of "loneliness" where the desire is to merely be around other people. I feel more alone when I'm around other people, interacting with other people, because that's when it's most apparent that the barrier between us is not merely physical. It's psychological. We can't actually understand each other. On the surface we speak the same language, but there's very little real communication going on. I don't know how feasible it is to get used to that kind of loneliness.
     
  12. Underground

    Underground Well-Known Member

    Yes, you become accustomed to loneliness, you may even feel comfortable alone, but that's not to say you actually like it or feel fulfilled being lonely. Which is why it's so hard to escape from.
     
  13. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Yes I think so. You can become accustomed to most anything. Loneliness is hardest, in my opinion, after you become used to having someone there. Having to grow used to empty again after experiencing full I guess.
     
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