Do you? Do you think no one cares? That no one would miss you if you were gone? That pushing people away would stop them caring? Have you tried to convince yourself no one cares? Or maybe hope that no one cares so that you can do what you want without hurting people? Have you tried to tell yourself people would be ok if you died? Or that its better off if you are dead? Let me tell you that people will care. That people will hurt. That people don't stop caring just because you haven't spoken for a day or a week or a month or a year. You're probably thinking 'not for me', or 'as if', but yeh, for you. It's true. I know how wretched life can feel. It can feel completely intolerable. It can feel unbearable. It can feel full of pain. It can feel hopeless. It can feel lonely. It can feel isolating. It can be so easy in those times to convince yourself or to hope no one cares or to just believe that no one cares and people would be better off without you. That is wrong. Further wrong than you could ever imagine unless you have stood there. When someone you love tries to kill themself, or succeeds, it hurts, and that's an understatement. What happens to those people is that they are put on a merry go round of emotions. They will feel guilt that they let you down. They will feel guilt for not being there when you needed them. They will get tearful or cry for no apparent reason. They will get terrified of losing you, and/or others. They will feel confused about what is happening. They will feel very, very sad. They may get hysterical. They will question what they have done or what they haven't done. They will blame themselves. They will want to be strong for you, but crumble inside. They will look and analyse any contact you did or didn't have. They will be shocked at what's happened. They won't want to believe it. They will feel numb or nothing. They will feel empty. They will feel like their heart is breaking, and that's an actual physical feeling. They will beg for you to come back, or to stay, or to fight. They will feel overwhelming anger at anything and everything and anyone and everyone, including you and themselves. They will be scared to let anyone in incase they too hurt them. They will be scarred forever because of the pain that it causes. Those things don't happen in order, its like a random selection, for a random amount of time, and then switching to something else, and it will switch over and over until the person is exhausted, and then continue to switch over and over, battering the person with a continuous barrage of emotions. Even if you don't believe that people care, they do because you are important and you touch lives. Again, you may find this hard to believe but that doesn't stop it being true. Those people who you maybe once had friendships or relationships with, or who are relatives, those who maybe you have lost contact with, or tried to cut out, they will all care and they will all hurt. You know what? Even those you have argued with or are estranged from will care and feel it. Hate and love are very closely linked. If you don't believe me, just ask them? Ask them if they would care. Its very easy to believe that no one cares. Its really hard to believe that someone somewhere may care, even if you are not sure who. Cutting people out or thinking no one cares or would be better off without you is no reason or excuse to try and kill yourself or to succeed and kill yourself because it quite simply is not true. Next time you feel bad, feel suicidal, reach out to someone. Reach out to people in your life (or who haven't been in your life). Ask them if they care. Let them show you they care. Reach out to a stranger. Contact the Samaritans. People care whether you believe it or not. If you die or severely hurt yourself, people will care whether you believe it or not. Tell the truth. Let people help. Turn it around. Think of theose people who are in your life, or passed through your life, or who you have lost contact with. Would you care if they died? You are no different from any of them. You may feel it, but you are just the same. You are a human, a person, with a life and relationships. When those thoughts creep in about no one caring, banish them, because they are lies. People care, more than you will ever know.