Do you think no one cares?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by A Randomer, Apr 7, 2010.

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  1. A Randomer

    A Randomer Guest

    Do you?

    Do you think no one cares?

    That no one would miss you if you were gone?

    That pushing people away would stop them caring?

    Have you tried to convince yourself no one cares?

    Or maybe hope that no one cares so that you can do what you want without hurting people?

    Have you tried to tell yourself people would be ok if you died? Or that its better off if you are dead?

    Let me tell you that people will care. That people will hurt. That people don't stop caring just because you haven't spoken for a day or a week or a month or a year. You're probably thinking 'not for me', or 'as if', but yeh, for you. It's true.

    I know how wretched life can feel. It can feel completely intolerable. It can feel unbearable. It can feel full of pain. It can feel hopeless. It can feel lonely. It can feel isolating.

    It can be so easy in those times to convince yourself or to hope no one cares or to just believe that no one cares and people would be better off without you.

    That is wrong. Further wrong than you could ever imagine unless you have stood there.

    When someone you love tries to kill themself, or succeeds, it hurts, and that's an understatement.

    What happens to those people is that they are put on a merry go round of emotions.

    They will feel guilt that they let you down.

    They will feel guilt for not being there when you needed them.

    They will get tearful or cry for no apparent reason.

    They will get terrified of losing you, and/or others.

    They will feel confused about what is happening.

    They will feel very, very sad.

    They may get hysterical.

    They will question what they have done or what they haven't done.

    They will blame themselves.

    They will want to be strong for you, but crumble inside.

    They will look and analyse any contact you did or didn't have.

    They will be shocked at what's happened.

    They won't want to believe it.

    They will feel numb or nothing.

    They will feel empty.

    They will feel like their heart is breaking, and that's an actual physical feeling.

    They will beg for you to come back, or to stay, or to fight.

    They will feel overwhelming anger at anything and everything and anyone and everyone, including you and themselves.

    They will be scared to let anyone in incase they too hurt them.

    They will be scarred forever because of the pain that it causes.

    Those things don't happen in order, its like a random selection, for a random amount of time, and then switching to something else, and it will switch over and over until the person is exhausted, and then continue to switch over and over, battering the person with a continuous barrage of emotions.

    Even if you don't believe that people care, they do because you are important and you touch lives. Again, you may find this hard to believe but that doesn't stop it being true. Those people who you maybe once had friendships or relationships with, or who are relatives, those who maybe you have lost contact with, or tried to cut out, they will all care and they will all hurt. You know what? Even those you have argued with or are estranged from will care and feel it. Hate and love are very closely linked.

    If you don't believe me, just ask them? Ask them if they would care.

    Its very easy to believe that no one cares. Its really hard to believe that someone somewhere may care, even if you are not sure who.

    Cutting people out or thinking no one cares or would be better off without you is no reason or excuse to try and kill yourself or to succeed and kill yourself because it quite simply is not true.

    Next time you feel bad, feel suicidal, reach out to someone. Reach out to people in your life (or who haven't been in your life). Ask them if they care. Let them show you they care. Reach out to a stranger. Contact the Samaritans. People care whether you believe it or not. If you die or severely hurt yourself, people will care whether you believe it or not. Tell the truth. Let people help.

    Turn it around. Think of theose people who are in your life, or passed through your life, or who you have lost contact with. Would you care if they died? You are no different from any of them. You may feel it, but you are just the same. You are a human, a person, with a life and relationships.

    When those thoughts creep in about no one caring, banish them, because they are lies.

    People care, more than you will ever know.
  2. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    While I agree with you, and know that you have good intentions, I think you are laying it on a bit thick. You didn't really need to list everything someone will go through after a loss because any rational member of this forum will know it all already (at least I hope they do).

    Also, you shouldn't have just come here and posted such intense statements, some people here (myself included) can't handle thinking about all this when they are going through too much already. You aren't helping the way you think you are.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 7, 2010
  3. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    dont you think we cant see this i no people care thats the one thing holding me here but that may not be enough alot of people on this site are hurting alot. alot of us no people care but for some its not enough for some life has got to a point where they are hurting so much they just cant see any other way i can see where you are coming from i think nearly all of us on this site have thought about what ending things would do to the people around us for some of us thats enough to keep us fighting just a little longer others however this isnt enough. it maybe hard for someone who isnt in this position to see. its not always as simple as knowing people care...
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't want people to care

    don't see why they could
  5. DreamReaver

    DreamReaver Well-Known Member

    I know people care, i just don't care that they care.
  6. TheOncomingStorm

    TheOncomingStorm Well-Known Member

    I'm 'fraid i'm going to agree with Tobes on this one. The post itself actually made me feel worse - You say that after an attempt whether it be successful or not, that the people around you feel all these things..So therefore all I am causing them is hurt?.. I'm alive after an attempt and i'm causing them hurt..I succeed and I cause them hurt.. I cannot win.
    If that is the case then surely theres no point in me reaching out anymore, maybe i'm causing more pain being alive than I am dead..I mean it can't be easy having to look at me everyday, thinking about what i've done and trying to be strong..At least when i'm gone they dont need to be strong for me, they can let it all out.

    Anyway, this thread is already playing on my mind far more than what it prehaps should have done, so im going to finish this post here.
  7. A Randomer

    A Randomer Guest

    Fine delete it then. However, don't make assumptions or presumptions that you know anything about why this was written or anything about me.

    A lot of people DON'T know these things. They don't want to see them, they don't want to believe them, but they are true.

    I'm talking about reaching out BEFORE you do anything. I'm not running the guilt trip on people, I trying to communicate to people that even if you think people don't care, they do and to try reaching out and letting people show you they care because it can often ease the intensity of what you feel at that time (depending on the reasons obviously). Knowing someone cares and can and will be there can be enough to help in that crisis. That's all.
  8. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey I for one appreciate the thought behind you post and thanks for reminding us.

    We get so overwhelmed by our pain you see that like someone replied "we know they care we just don't care that they care"

    Would you like to become a member as we could sure you the love you have to offer here. You seem like a kind giving soul and well that is always welcomed here....big hugs to you for taking the time to reach out to us here....I admire you

    Thanks again, really !!!
  9. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Staying alive just so that your family isn't upset when you're dead is no way to live.
  10. A Randomer

    A Randomer Guest

    I am a member. I left because of a few issues, however, it doesn't stop me caring about people on here and thinking of them when I see something that potentially could help one person.

    Knowing people care and not caring is pretty much the most honest thing said on this thread. I posted this thread for those people who feel like no one cares and wish someone did. If you know people care, fine, poddle on your way, but if you don't, then think about it. Reach out and let yourself see that someone does care.

    Wasting Echo, people do care about you. You may not understand why, but the amount of replies and support you get here show that, as does how much your family loves you.
  11. A Randomer

    A Randomer Guest

    No where, ANYWHERE, does it say that.

    You're right, that's not a way to live, and we shouldn't live for others, but if someone thinks no one cares but wishes someone did then reaching out to find that person can make the world of difference.

    People are reading, misreading and adding their own interpretations. They are not actually focusing and 'hearing' on what was posted.
  12. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    It says you are a guest ya know?
  13. A Randomer

    A Randomer Guest

    Yes, I'm posting this as a guest, i.e. as a member who is not signed in. I don't want to sign in under my account. I wanted to post this in the hope it may reach one person and make one person reach out to someone to find the care they need/want, this was the only way I could do it.

    The mods are more than welcome to the delete this though. I would report it myself and ask for it to be deleted but I can't, so someone else can. Go nuts.
  14. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    No your kindness is evident and I think it is great that you have reached out...Like I said any support is welcomed here and appreciated it.
  15. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    it's tough to kid yourself into honestly believing that no one cares. Everyone here knows that they have at least one reason to carry on, or they wouldn’t be on a support forum to keep them going.

    I know that i worry my family but at the same time i hope that they know I struggle with life and sometimes i feel like it's hard for me to carry on. Why is their pain more important than mine? Yes, i am selfish for wanting to put them through emotional suffering so that mine can stop, but are they not selfish for expecting me to carry on because they don't want to lose someone they love?

  16. A Randomer

    A Randomer Guest

    No where in that thread has it stated that anyones suffering is more important than anyone elses. That's an absurd thought.

    All that post is trying to get is that is you don't think people care (and for some people its easy to hope that people don't care, or believe people don't care, or whatever) then reach out and see that people do care.

    If you know someone cares, then fine, that's lovely, this thread is completely irrelevent to you. If you don't know people care, or try to convince yourself they don't, then think again.
  17. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    Please don't get me wrong, that wasn't an attack on you and it's a nice thought, though slightly patronizing. I know people care, even if the thread aims to remind me this, I am still left in a dilemma at the end of it.

    Those exact words to not need to be used to imply it:

    So those who care suffer, but I'm suffering now. How does one balance the two?
  18. A Randomer

    A Randomer Guest

    I'm with you.

    I was not looking at comparing suffering because I don't think any suffering is comparable. You can't put up someone who is suicidal, against someone who is a relative. Those things are completely uncomparable. Suicide brings out the selfish is everyone. Everyone wants their own pain to ease, be them relative or be them the suicidal person.

    The people this thread is aimed at are those who say things like 'no one cares about me', or 'if I died people would be better off without me' or 'if I push people away they will stop caring so I can die'. Essentially those people that have people not caring (in whatever form) as part of their reason for feeling as suicidal as they do.

    You know people care about you. I do, however, understand how you have taken my thread and put your own interpretation on it, and why you have done that, but the way you have interpreted it, is genuinely not how it was meant to be taken. You're not the audience it is meant for.

    Having said all that, You're in a horrible situation where either you are faced with horrific pain, or your relatives are faced with horrific pain, and you know that. That makes any decisions you make even harder. What I would say to you would be that the horrific pain that you feel does feel unbearable and that when you (a generic you) become suicidal its often because the pain you feel outweighs the coping skills you have to deal with that pain. So maybe its worth trying to look for coping strategies to help you with your pain, while it heals? You can't control your level of pain, but you can (generally speaking, again) control your actions while you are in that immense amount of pain, and maybe that's worth a shot?
  19. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    I personally liked the post... I sometimes struggling between asking for help & not asking for help & this post helps push me in the asking for help direction.
    It was an honest thread & I can appreciate that :smile:
  20. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    The people this thread is aimed at are those who say things like 'no one cares about me', or 'if I died people would be better off without me' or 'if I push people away they will stop caring so I can die'. Essentially those people that have people not caring (in whatever form) as part of their reason for feeling as suicidal as they do.

    Agreed 100%. Any of us who have read through the posts here have seen tons of people say that they're sure nobody cares about them, that if they died it wouldn't matter to anyone. And the point of this post is to say that it WOULD matter. You may be so far down that you feel it won't matter, that nobody will notice. But someone will notice, and care, and hurt if you're gone. The OP is saying that, if you feel nobody cares, reach out, and chances are you'll find out that someone does. And knowing that someone does care can make a world of difference.
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