Do you think you can help me appear less desperate?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ldub20, Mar 27, 2012.

  1. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    I can't help myself and can't find ways to appear less desperate. On my own that is. Are there any suggestions you can offer me to appear less desperate? Would you recommend that I redirect my focus? I could try that but to say that it won't be a challenge is ignorant. Not helping is the fact that I struggle to believe my college (UH) is full of single women when it could be. I feel every girl I'd like to meet will drop the b-bomb. I watched the movie "Hitch" Friday night but don't know if I can act on the advice (it may be just a movie but it's got a message). Gaining the necessary confidence to attract women is easier said that done, so have you got any suggestions on how to act on things that'll make this desperation go away or decrease? I'd like to know because it's killing me and making me hate myself. If I hate myself I can't find a GF but I need somewhere to start. If you can help me find it I'd love it.
  2. Paul.

    Paul. Member

    Hi Ldub20,

    My advice.. get comfy with who you are as a person and ensure you meet all your needs and requirements to the best of your ability i.e. love yourself strongly enough so that you don't need to be loved by other people. In my experience, having a woman in my life is an optional extra rather than a necessity; I'm equally ok with having a woman there or being on my own. In fact, I prefer being on my own.

    Most women I've met are very intuitive and when you don't *need* a woman in your life it seems to radiate out from yourself and they pick up on that and for some crazy reason it makes some/many/most (?) want you more.
  3. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    I'm cool with being a guy that likes music, sports, and writing but I hate my lack of a sense of belonging. If I could change that I'd love it. But I'll never appreciate lacking a sense of belonging or being lonely.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Paul has it in a nutshell.

    It actually works the same way for women, men can spot a "needy" woman a mile off and it makes them run.

    Having a good circle of friends would help no end, doesn't have to be loads of mates, but people you like and are important to you.
    One, it will boost your confidence and not make you so focused on getting a GF.
    It will also give you a feeling of belonging.
  5. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Partners who look for life in eachother, idk..That's very difficult to find and very dangerous in it's own way imo. I think one way is to be yourself, have your own goals and interests. Things that you really enjoy and can connect with. It allows you to explore them and be yourself with them so to say. And more on it, be in control of your life. People are generally curious buggers, the more about you there is, the more curious they will be. However if you're the one always hitting up women, I can imagine you'll create a routine and perhaps even a complex about what's "wrong".
    All in all just be you. Terry and paul are right though,if you bline for women, a person, you're going to scare them off. Relationships aren't built on that, it's a mutal apprication for one another and the time you're spending together. The things you're doing. If you're doing something together and consistantly diverting the attention from the situation onto her or yourself, it makes things very personal where as it wouldn't have been if the focus hadn't been placed there.
  6. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Stop. Live your life and love will come to you. Do some soul-searching, find something you enjoy and immerse yourself in it. Another thing: life isn't a movie, so obviously fictional movies and portrayals are unreliable sources for knowledge.