Do you want to get better?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by prettypearls, Mar 11, 2014.

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  1. prettypearls

    prettypearls Member

    For those of you who have suicidal thoughts.

    Do you want to get better? Are you seeking help? Are you getting better?

    A lot of questions at once, I guess. I just wonder about this because when I'm at my worst I don't really want to get better. I just want to give up. And the only person in my life who knows I have these thoughts bug me about seeking help from a doctor or something and I just don't want to. When I'm having a good day/week/month, I want to get help. But that's when I don't really need it, so I won't get it. But when I do need it, I don't want to go looking for it.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, prettypearls. Sounds to me like things go up and down for you. Life does that for all of us, but if we experience trouble with coping when things are bad, and we can't find relative stability, then maybe we do need to seek help. And if things are up and down, that might mean getting help at a time when we feel we don't "need" it.

    Finding a balance among work, family, leisure, friends, etc. is probably good for anyone. If something goes wrong in one area, we have more things to fall back on in other areas until the balance is reset. It's not a failing or weakness to seek some guidance. Good therapy supports as we develop goals and reach new insights. And it is usually a much faster route to a state of balance than pure trial or error on our own.

    Just my two cents. I hope you are doing well. :)
  3. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    For me it takes a lot for me to actually start taking steps to improve my condition. I have many positive coping skills, but not enough, and at the end of the day these coping skills I do have only cover/hide my problems, not actually fix or make better. Also I have a tendency to run or ignore my depression and suicidal ideation. I am 39 now, and this past January is the first time that I have ever sought help with out it being court/school/work required/ordered.

    When I am in a major downward cycle I do want to get better, but I do not want others to know about it, as if that is actually possible. So I make things worse.I isolate. I do not want to think suicidal thoughts, I do not want to plan out methods, but I do, because that is the only comfort I can see at the time.
    Getting in to see a doctor when I am most vulnerable, without making a suicide attempt, is extremely difficult. This is the time though that I end up receiving the best treatment, the most accurate treatment, as I am vulnerable enough to actually say what I am thinking, feeling, and doing. Otherwise, when I seek help when I am doing better, I am too embarrassed/afraid by my own mind and thoughts to give the professionals an accurate description of my problems.

    Somehow I have done better this time in seeking help and being open and honest about my condition. I do not know why this time is different, but it has been. I am actively participating in my treatment, regardless of my apprehension about sharing what I really think and feel. This is extremely difficult for me, and I am not well, but I do have some hope. I am getting better.

    Do what you can to seek treatment whenever you are capable. When you are at your worst, write down your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and what you are doing. That way if you seek help after a major crisis you have something to tell the professionals. If you have it on paper and go in to see the doctor, you can read how you have been feeling, instead of just stating how you feel atm.

    Not sure if this is an answer you were looking for, but please, either way, do seek professional help as these conditions, suicidal ideation, do not heal themselves. They may go away for a while, but not actually heal, at least that is my experience with this. Wishing you better days.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I don't really know anymore. Just seems a lot easier for me to do the alternative.
  5. lava2014

    lava2014 Member

    'Help' can only do so much for me, whats the point? It wont make my bad life go away.
  6. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    this is very much how i feel. no type of "help" can possibly change the reality of my life. and it is the reality of my life which causes my endless suffering. so no, i don't want to try and get better, because i understand intellectually that is not possible. i just want to die. really, truly, with my whole heart...just want to die and be done with this.
  7. Sleepy-the-Bat

    Sleepy-the-Bat New Member

    Part of me wants to get better, I can just imagine having a nicer life. The other part of me has this romanticized idea of the way I'm living now.
  8. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    romanticizing is positive
    there's nothing positive being stuck in a low, deep, dark place
    if i got what you meant right

    hi, pearls, how do you feel at your best?
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