I am back at work and it is horrible, I can't stop crying, this guy I work with lectures me all day and puts unecessary pressure and stress on me and it is only day 2. I want to go home but I don't want to let them down. I was thinking about walking up to the roof, but the only thing that stopped me was what if I survive and end up in a wheel chair, supposed to see the counsellor today but she cancelled the appointment. Now have to wait until next week sometime, maybe. That was last week. The counsellor did not make any contact with me until my husband emailed her and told him her he was concerned. I have found out that the guy that was lecturing me all day only does this to people when the supervisor is away. He is known for it. I ended up taking 3 days off then went back to work. My supervisor got concerned, I don't know why he didn't seem to concerned when I was upset only now since I took the days off. I remember my counsellor saying if I get suicidal urges to ring someone. So stupid me, goes and rings someone who knows my workplace really well. I told him I was so stressed that I felt like jumping off a building. Okay he sorts out some of the mess for me at work which is really good. Then he tells my counsellor's boss that I felt like jumping off a building. Next thing I know the CAT team ring me. These people have the power to lock you up in a psych hospital. How embarassing!! He said he rang because of the counsellors concerns. I was so nervous thinking if I said the wrong thing I knew where I would end up. They told him about a previous attempt, and he asked me about it, and get this, gave me more hints about it, like how long it takes etc, body reactions. Type of equipment to use. Now he will ring back the counsellor and they will probably notify my work. It is going from bad to worse. I don't even know if I can face my counsellor again on Monday, or even my work place. I was so stupid to actually talk to someone to find a sensible way to solve my problems. From now on I keep it to myself or message forums boards or an anonymous call service. The CAT (Crisis Assessment Team) guy said that I did not have a mental illness and that he would not be sending anyone out to see me which is good news!!! He also mentioned that if I did not answer the phone he would have sent the police around to collect me. Even more embarrasing. Then he asked about my eating habits and wanted to know what I ate today. Luckily today was one of the days I did eat. Then he wanted to know if I take showers!!!! I love showers and always get told off for being too long in the shower. He also told me due to family history such as my daughter suiciding and the anniversary that I was in the high risk group. But there is nothing I can do to stop that. I did not tell him the whole truth or else I would not be here now. I would be locked up. He asked me about researching on the internet, had I considered other methods, and he even went through a list of the methods!!!! I had but I didn't tell him that. He told my husband that I was not depressed.