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Doctor Jokes

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Rogue1, Jan 18, 2006.

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  1. Rogue1

    Rogue1 Active Member

    Dr Jokes,

    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the
    cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
    and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
    several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
    Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

    At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
    slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
    instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remarked the patient.
    Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
    husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
    later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
    "massive internal fart."
    Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

    I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
    placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right
    eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
    Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
    couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that
    he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his
    eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
    Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
    informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
    medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a
    new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
    him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the
    man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal
    of the old patch before applying a new one.
    Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
    you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered...
    "Why, not for about twenty years, since my husband was alive."
    Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

    I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast
    this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
    to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
    jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled "KY Jelly."
    Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

    A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple
    hair styled! Into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
    wearing strange clothes entered. It was very quickly determined that the
    patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
    When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
    that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
    that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
    wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow
    the lawn."

    Have a good day and keep out of the Dr's Office....
  2. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    :rofl: Thanks Rogue! Made me laugh... I really needed that today! XD

  3. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    Q: Which doctors have hardest work?

    A: Veterinarians and psychiatrists. They both have to deal with patients who can't tell what their problem is.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2011
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