Doctor made me feel more self-conscious

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stuckinchicago6, Apr 17, 2010.

  1. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I have problems with dating. There are never problems getting dates, but once guys find out I won't have sex with them until marriage, it is pretty much a deal breaker. I try to keep my opinions and my private life personal until I am pressed. It's not that I'm a Jesus freak. I just went to Catholic school my whole life and just want it to be special with my husband (if I ever even get married) :-( Anyway, after a guy presses me and keeps asking and wonders why I won't give it up, I eventually have to tell them. I just don't see what the big deal is. It's not like I'm asking for exclusivity. I just want somebody to go out with, have fun, and make out... but then guys get bored and start to say that they feel like they are in high school and make me feel like a freak...

    Anyway, I talked about this with the doctor today. He honestly made me feel more self-conscious. He told me how he broke it off with a girl before because he figured if at 24, it was that important to her that she hadn't lost it, he didn't want to do it and the lack of experience turned him off. This made me feel soooo terrible. Now, I will forever think that this is what guys think of me. At least when I was younger, I was prettier. Any guy would have wanted to be my first. Now, they don't even care about it. I'm almost 22 and I just feel like an idiot. I don't want to compromise my morals, but I'm also getting up there in age and I'm sick of being alone. To top it off, this doctor also had to tell me how his wife isn't a virgin... Why is life such a double edged sword??? Guys act like they are soooo cool with it and impressed, but then they freak out after a while when they realize you won't sleep with them. At the same time, they call women *****s when they want to actually use their sexuality. Either way, I was stuck at home tonight like a loser!!!
  2. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    wow, that seems really unprofessional of your doctor. i don't know what kind of relationship you guys have, but if my therapist went on about his or her sex life that would really make me wtf. you may want to look into getting a new one who's not gonna judge you and call virgins lame and say he would never date one. that aside, i can definitely relate. im a 22 yr o virgin and went to catholic schools growing up too and while im not saving myself for marriage by any stretch of the imagination, i can't help but think all that was indoctrinated in me while in school has influence why im so shy and uncomfortable sex. everytime i date a guy and it gets to that *point* and the whole kissing, making out thing has been exhausted its very nervewrecking. ive even flat out cut off communication with guys because i didnt want or expect him to understand and 0be patient with me. but there's nothing wrong your choice and what you believe in. they're are still guys out there willing to wait i'm sure. maybe try to find a guy that shares the same idea. :arms:
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2010
  3. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member


    You shouldn't feel like an idiot for keeping your morals. You're definitely not the only one who is holding off on premarital sex. Being a Muslim myself, I've been taught not to engage in sexual relations before I am married. I have many friends, girls and guys who believe this. You're bound to find a guy eventually who will hold on to those same values.

    As for you therapist, I know that he made you feel terrible about the whole thing. He was a bit out of line. Wanting to wait is not abnormal nor does it make you a terrible girlfriend or anything.

    Oh and you're not a loser! I admire people who are able to stick to their values like you are. Especially when images of sex etc. are so rampant in the media. You're a star!
  4. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I live in Chicago. It is a pretty big city, so it is hard to find people to understand. I am just sick of people making me feel like I am lame or prudish. I think a girl can be sexy and confident and be a fun girlfriend without having sex.
  5. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thank you both for all the support, though..... It is just soooooooooo hard especially to be in a city with a million girls who will readily give it up, so why should a guy wait for me? At the same time, I have to realize that this last one did not really like me or respect me if he couldn't respect my decisions and the doctor should keep his business to himself. He is also not much of a gentleman for talking about his wife like that!!!
  6. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    I'd like to try and give a male perspective, but i'll just say that i can understand where both you and the guys are coming from.