Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Carcinogen, Mar 26, 2008.

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  1. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    Soo...I went to the doctor yesterday about a cough I had, and when she was listening to my chest, she saw my arms. I didn't think she'd comment, since last time I went to the doctor (for kidney damage) they didn't say anything. Now she wants me to go and see her in two weeks, but...I don't know whether to bother or not. I don't really want counselling - I don't like talking to people - and I think that's all she'll offer me. I already kind of see someone, but the only reason I go is because I can easily distract her and evade questions as she's not a trained counsellor. I don't think I need help, but I'm not sure anymore. I don't like asking for help at all. Maybe I should just not bother...

    Everything is messed up right now. How can talking help? Why bother? Why can't I just make a decision on this and stick to it? Why didn't I think to cover my arms instead of just assuming she wouldn't care? Why am I so fucking stupid?!!!! :thatsit: :furious: :bash:

    I don't know anymore...
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    why not go back and see what happens?

    is she a regular medical doctor, or a psychiatrist? as a medical doctor there's only so much she can do, since i believe it's really emotional reasons that cause us to cut... but still it's nice to know that someone cares, right?

    cutting is a coping strategy. but eventually it stops working. you have to cut more, and it slowly feels less and less good so you find yourself cutting, with no relief. for me, that's when i knew it was time to stop.

    i say, take advantage of any "lifebelts" that are being thrown... anything to stay afloat until you are ready to get better,

  3. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    She's a medical doctor, and she's only at my surgery temporarily so she says she'll have to ask one of the other doctors about what can be done for me. I might feel kind of bad that she went to that trouble if I don't go. Then again, I might not, I don't feel much these days. I really don't know what they can do though.
    I'm kind of at the stage now where I need to cut deeper and more often for the same effect. I'm running out of space. Maybe it's time to stop...I can't see any alternatives though. I'm not sure I want any. I know cutting and purging won't help for too much longer, and then I'll have nowhere to go, but I still don't want them taken away from me. Why can't I make this decision? I can't live like this much longer, but are there any alternatives?

    Live or die, mordarisk, it's decision time...

    p.s. sorry for the rambling, most of this is pretty stupid. I'm just trying to get things straight in my head.
  4. DrownedGirl

    DrownedGirl Well-Known Member

    I went to my doctor too,he saw my scars on hands to..and strange he did not ask anything. But the trick is that i went to him just because of my "problems"..
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i know what you mean about alternatives... i've often felt the same way... like if i wasn't thinking or planning my death, cutting, drinking or getting high then what the hell was i gonna do... all my coping mechanisms ... gone. poooffff. vanished.

    but... i came to see that i had other things to replace the cutting, like posting here, learning to distract myself, educating myself, therapy, chatting with the community nurse, relaxation techniques like breathing, and even the suicide helpline. all are available to me, and are less likely to leave me hating myself in the morning.

    they didn't seem like coping tools, 'cos i'm used to freaking out, panicking, and then cutting while in a totally desperate frame of mind. the high i'd get was great... but the low after, the self-hatred just floored me. it was a terrible cycle of relief and hate, relief and hate....

    you might not be ready to give up cutting, but it might be worth going just to learn what your options might be when you are ready, one day.... never hurts to educate yourself

  6. taranama

    taranama Well-Known Member

    i wont hurt to have a little attention.....right?
  7. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    I get what you're saying, but I'm not entirely sure I want to float anymore if you know what I mean? It would probably be better if I just end it now.

    I know you're right though. I should just go and find out what alternatives they might offer. I just worry that if I do, I won't be able to go back, that I might be put in a situation where choice is taken away from me. idk...
  8. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    Hi mordarisk, self harm is tough, and its get worse when you can`t find any reason to stop, becasue you started enjoing it. After being a copyng technich self harm becomes of the reason of people sadness and loneliness. At this point, you should make your desition, because you`ll get used to cut everynight, or every week, and is kinda sad you know?to do it just because you can`t do anything else, just because anything feels like the razor on your skin, and i can tell you that if you don`t find a reason to stop, you`ll be doing it for years, and it will be harder to stop, it will be harder to hide. You`ll find yourself in an endless circle that starts by feeling sad and cutting for that, and that ends feeling sad because you NEED to hurt.
    That doctor will surely offer you counselling and it won`t be bad to go once or twice, just to make her think you tryed it.You can also discover that the Dr she recomends may be its cool and allows you to let it all out. Try to think how people who has self harming themselves for years regret the fact of not having stopped in time.I know how empty othor alternatives instead of cut seems. but think that some day your life problems will be solved, but wounds and blood, sadness and lonelines will be there just because you kept selfing harm yourself...
  9. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    I'll probably go. I've been doing this for five years already. There isn't much left. I have nothing to lose by going I suppose.
    Thanz for replying everyone. I now it was a stupid ramble.
  10. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    is wan`t stupid at all... good luck ! pmme if you need it^^
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