Just thinking about this makes me feel like gutting myself (self evisceration would be preferential to seeing one. HA! ...fuck but they have already taken the first step in s.e. for me, screw them)
I don't know much of your story, but I know you struggle a lot, and have done with doctors and the medical profession (through others threads of yours that I have read). I am sorry that you still seem to be at the receiving end of continual poor service. Do you wanna talk about it a bit more? Feel free to PM me if you ever need to offload. You support many on this forum, and offer many kind words, and I'm sure everyone would want to reciprocate. What's going on for you?
At the moment i am just so frustrated i cannot articulate
just thinking about them, makes me feel like vomiting i swear i have ptsd issues because of what they did
i have no use for them
they leave me in this condition
ever happy to cut on me until nothing is left (FUCK NO! Over my dead body...if anyone kills me it will be me, not them.)
but gawd let me have a bit of my f-ing life. Just a bit.
I can understand. I also can get pretty upset when thinking about doctors, though more hospital doctors as I've also not got the best of care there. :hug: Just gota try and do ur best. I think I also developed some PTSD from docs so ur not alone.
PM me if you need to vent or anything :hug: I'm here if u need me.
Its easy for me to say, but try not to focus on them (the docs) and what they did as it'll bring you down further. Increasing your anger and frustration because of them isn't good for you and you are what is important.
it seems we have all had issues with doctors and its really hard that there are times when you have to see them and its almost self destructive to see them when you dont trust them, you go in stressed and come out the same way..but what do you do otherwise.
please vent all you want here...you have supported many and everyone i am sure would be happy to have the opportunity to support you.
i actually said to psychotherapist last week that doctors are not perfect, they make mistakes but how do they live with them when us mere mortals cant. seems to me that its a profession that needs you to be kind and caring but cold and self preserving at the same time.
Was wondering how you were. I'm sorry things are a bit overwhelming for you right now. The only way I can cope somedays is one thing at a time, one thought at a time etc. Sometimes if I give myself a time limit a day to think & deal with certain things it can help a bit. Then I've dealt with that issue/thought consciously and will try to tell myself um done with it for today and can revisit tomorrow if I want/need to. It helps a little bit to free up the mind and some energy so I can try to focus on other things.
wouldn't have been so bad had it been just a couple errors or during only one surgical procedure...I could have understood that. I am a reasonable person, heh, usually. I think i can even sort of understand the errors, despite several medical professionals referring to it as me having been, "butchered". I don't understand having to plead for lifesaving treatment on several occasions. I would not have had massive purulent infection, peritonitis a couple times, or lost so much blood had someone just listened. I suppose I should have screamed instead of saying; Something is seriously wrong... Oh, and I don't understand the multiple cover-ups nor shall i ever.
Anyway, I shall see a doctor tomorrow.
I will try very hard to be polite, reasonable, and to keep my mouth shut. ugh.
Should this fail, I will not see a doctor again. For any reason. Ugh. I take that fucking back. I may have to in order to get a script for durable medical goods...ugh...fuck them. Well, I may be able to get supplies if i pay cash and don't go through the insurance company. Screw them.
i need to be preparing for this stupid visit.
i do not know why i am going to put myself through this stupid hell.
kk. going to get up and gather a few records, and i'll be back. ugh.
i don't even know what to say when i go.
if they ask why i am there likely they will get a blank stare...or i will say something like, well i am here because i like to torture myself. i am here because i am an idiot. i am here because OTHER people have faith in the medical profession.
okay. i have some of my records in front of me. The rest are in a 55 gallon sized plastic trash bag.
I am trembling. shaking. this sucks dirt. this is NOT my cup of tea. all it does is dredges up a lot of emotions and the memory of what happened. fuck this shit. ugh. heh, my friend is sitting next to me. doctor/friend doctor/friend hmmm. well. hmmm.
why the fuck am i doing this? i cannot even answer that question. why am i seeing a doctor? can someone tell me why? oh, i am an idiot. i didn't learn the first few times so i want to go back for more. oh. yeah. it's because it's me...i'm so stupid. i just love to put myself through bullshit huh? just love to waste a few precious hours and toss them at some fucked up doctor. ugh
i cannot stop shaking. heart is pounding. grrrrrrr