does anyone actually feel better?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by dying2die, May 28, 2007.

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  1. dying2die

    dying2die Well-Known Member

    i've been thinking about this a lot for the past few days... will I ever feel different? will life ever become less of a chore? do depressed people ever get happy again? if so, how long does it last? 6 months? 2 years? is it that we just end up committing suicide? seriously...
    I honestly have no hope for ever feeling differently than I do now. I know that my life will end with suicide. I can say that for a fact, well unless someone would do me the favor of homicide.
    i've tried just about everything and nothing eases my pain. I still think about how I will end it all, everyday. even when I'm not feeling all that down(which isn't often) I think about it. wtf???
    I don't see the point of going on when I know things will never change. I don't want to live with these strange thoughts anymore. I don't even feel like I'm really living. I feel like I'm just observing everyone around me living their life, not like I'm actually part of it.
    I don't know what my problem is... I have the most perfect life, a great husband, beautiful daughter, good job, awesome friends... I should be totally happy. yet, I'm completely miserable. am I just ungrateful?
    I'm so lost and confused and alone...
     
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Re: does anyone actally feel better?

    I'm sure that eventually, everyone does fight this and ends up feeling better. It's just the fight to get there...
     
  3. dying2die

    dying2die Well-Known Member

    Re: does anyone actally feel better?

    how long can we be expected to fight? I'm tired... of trying to be happy, of crying, of living, of pretending nothing os wrong, of trying to make sense of my thoughts, of being alive, of breathing... I can't fight anymore, its been far too long....
     
  4. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    Re: does anyone actally feel better?

    i so know where you are coming from. it really is a place you feel you will never see daylight from but it can and does happen. it takes various amounts of time for each person. i have heard of some recovering quickly and others it having taken years for me it was the years. oh i still have my downs but on the whole things are much better. btw i'm 37 yrs old.

    please hang in there and remember to stay in the moment as in what's going on around you. it helps. if you need to chat anymore please feel free to pm me. please take care
     
  5. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    at times i feel good, and then something will happen and it will all crash in on me. i'm 32 and have been fighting it since i was 5. everyone is different. some get over it and some don't it takes time though. be patient. we're all here to help, pm me if you need to chat :)
     
  6. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    I've noticed alot that some people can break from it very easily, and others literally just CAN'T. And I know that I can if I really, really try, but I can't be like that all the time. And I've noticed since I've been here that alot of people here are the type that just can't break through it. Not alone. Some people need eachother there, like in person. Need a real hug. Need to hear from someone's real voice, that they care, that they are loved.

    Or maybe I'm just weird. Yeah, I'll bank on that.
     
  7. While your depression may effervesce into nothingness, you will perpetuate through time. However, for me, this poses a major problem. My depression has shined a bright light onto my true persona, revealing its most egregious flaws to my eyes. Even though this void will gradually disappear, I unfortunately cannot follow its path. I will retain the same monstrous face and the same sluggish mind. So, even if your mood brightens, you may not. Sorry if this triggers or is offensive.
     
  8. dying2die

    dying2die Well-Known Member

    to me depression is no longer a disease, it is who i am. perhaps that is how i know things will never actually get better. my everyday life has evolved around my depression, i am no longer the person i used to be. even when i'm not totally down, i still think about suicide and how my life really means nothing to me. depression is part of my personality, who i am and how i live.
    with that said, i see no point in living any longer than i already have. i'm not happy here, and apparently never will be. i don't enjoy waking up each morning or doing anything at all. the only thing that gives me some sense of relief from my eternal pain is writing.
    i've tried everything to move the dark cloud above me, and yet it is constantly raining on me. i am tired of all of this... i can't do it anymore.

    I just want to die
    I want to fade away
    Unwilling to face the pain of another day

    I can't stay here
    I won't cry anymore
    Hopelessness has eaten away to my inner core

    Fear in my eye
    Pain in my heart
    Dying is the only way for my life to start

    Goodbye my family
    Goodbye my friends
    Death is how my sad story ends.
     
  9. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    hun like what some ppl say, some take months other takes years depending on how much u want to fight, and i knw its hard to keep fighting to keep on living. If u every want to talk mah msn is danni931@hotmail.com i'm always here for ya and we both can make it through this dark time
     
  10. DownwardSpiral

    DownwardSpiral Well-Known Member

    dying2die- I can relate to how you feel. I too have a "good" life, job, am financially stable, and a wonderful partner of 10 years. However, with all that is going good for me I still have constant thoughts of suicide. There are good and bad times. I have suffered from depression since I was 16-17 years old. I have attempted suicide several times and have come back from the crisis moments feeling better. I am now starting to focus on what triggers the onset of the crisis mode. I do know that people feel better and you will feel better as well. Its a challenge that can be overcome. Sometimes easier said than done but it is possible with help and support from those around you.
     
  11. dying2die

    dying2die Well-Known Member

    that's what I'm most afraid of... that I will still be here in10 years feeling the same way I feel now.
    I can't let that happen. I have no more strength to fight this battle. I don't want to be hopeless and sad anymore, the only way to stop my pain is to end it all. I do believe that some people might get better, I just am not one of those people, and I CAN'T live like this anymore!!!!
     
  12. DownwardSpiral

    DownwardSpiral Well-Known Member

    I have felt like you do right now many times. I have attempted and survived to live another day. You can make it through this part of your life. I understand that you are scared to make it through this part and then come back to the same point again the future. It doesht have to come back to that though. There is plenty of good help around to help you through this. If you cant find them then IM or PM me and we can make it over the hurdle together.
     
  13. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    yah. Im alone usually so being able to talk to other humans who treat me with respect helps much.
     
  14. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    d2d, I so understand where you are right now. I am bipolar and I have attempted suicide several times only to survive. I have stayed in the hospital more times than I can remember. I think sometimes I am more trouble than I am worth to my family and friends. Then my husband tells me he loves me and I take it on faith that God has something else for me to do here on the earth. Depression makes time slow down so when you feel bad, anything you do feels like it takes longer than it really does.
    I know you have been told this before but hang in there. You are loved and you touch more lives than you know. You would really be missed if you were to die now. God has plans for your life that he will reveal to you when the time comes.
    I didn't see this topic in this thread yet so I will ask; are you in treatment for depression? Fighting it is a little easier with the help of a medical doctor and a counselor. Take care of yourself, you are very important to us.
    With love from, Jolanta
     
  15. sadsong

    sadsong Staff Alumni

    d2d, please know that you can feel better.

    It took me two year (i know to some that is nothing, but to me it was a long time) and i am feeling better. Don't get me wrong, i still feel complete shit at times and i'm still on medication and depression is still a part of my life, but looking objectively i guess i feel better than i did.

    I think when you've felt depressed for so long it's hard to remember what "normal" is. Everyone has times when they feel crap, when they feel low and depressed.

    I really hope that some light appears for you and that your depression lifts.

    Lizzy. xx
     
  16. dying2die

    dying2die Well-Known Member

    I actually recently stopped seeing both my therapist and shrink. it wasn't doing anything for me. they both pretty much told me they didn't know what to do anymore. the sad part is I've heard that from several different therapists and shrinks. I've been doing inpatient and outpatient therapy for nearly 10 and it never has helped much. I guess I feel like they don't really understand me.
     
  17. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh, sweetie, :hug: medical professionals aren't supposed to give up on patients. :mad: That must feel awful. :( Please, go back to your family doctor and tell him (her) what happened. You need someone who will stay with you and help you fight this.
    I know it's difficult to see right now but it is possible to feel better. :hug:
     
  18. dying2die

    dying2die Well-Known Member

    I just don't see the point in explaining my extensive mental history to another therapist or psychiatrist again. I think that every time I have to tell the story again, it makes me feel so much worse. It makes me feel... like I'm "crazy"! Just before I stopped seeing my therapist, every visit was a traumatic event. By the end of the session I was always crying. Not so much because I had to discuss uncomfortable topics, but more because it made me realize how messed my head was. What kind of person does the things that I have done? Who thinks the thoughts that I do? Why can't I just live a normal happy life? My most suicidal times were after my appointments. Actually after my last appointment, I ended up sitting on some beach cliffs, drinking vodka, holding a bottle of pills and a razor blade. My husband found me and put an end to that escape. That's why I can't do therapy. Meds were never really my thing. I've never found anything that ever did anything. I was on everything from zoloft, to remron, to lithium. I've even had E.C.T. I've tried the full spectrum light treatment.... I've never seen any results. That is why I am as hopeless as I am!
     
  19. Des

    Des Member

    I can identify with you about how you feel. I too feel that my depression is part of who I am and how I cope. I personally do not think that I am depressed just because I want to die. It is not as if I get into dark periods and then want to end my life but rather, like you, I constantly think about ending this existence of mine.

    There is a darkness within me that just simply never allows the light to penetrate. My life is overshadowed by this darkness and despite what is going on around me and how "loved" I am, this is never enough. I personally don't believe that my thoughts will ever really change. Yes, they get put on the backburner for a few days but, they are never far from my mind. I have tried various antidepressants and some may help for a short period but, ultimately, despite medication, I still want to die and know that I will end my life sooner rather than later.

    I have been asked to speak to a crisis call centre when I am suicidal but, to me, this is not a crisis situation. I do not attempt suicide when I am very emotional or distressed so, in my view, I don't need to have someone try to discourage me as I know this is how my life will end one day.

    I don't mean to sound as if you will never get better or that your thoughts won't change but, if you are like me, the chances of this happening are very slight.

    Des
     
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