Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BigTomTooToo, Feb 8, 2012.
Or rather be dead?
Yes i want to die and more than that i wish i'd never been born.It's not fair really coz i learn't that my mother had an abortion but then went on to have three kids with my father,him being the father of the aborted baby too.They only ever wanted three kids but that first came along too soon but had they kept that baby,i wouldn't be here so i'm here only by a cruel twist of fate. I've envied that aborted child all my adult life since i learn't of their brief existence,if only he or she had been born i coulda been saved my miserable existence.
The problem with me is that I've screwed up my life terribly, probably beyond repair as my depression tells me. How can I ever be normal after being isolated in my home for so long, missing out on tons and tons of experiences everyone else my age has gone through? Now I'm too far behind everyone else to ever catch up to them and they'd all see me as a freak if I ever wanted to befriend them, date them, marry them, etc. That is why I feel that I must eventually commit suicide. But maybe I don't want to die. I am afraid of a failed attempt but also of what will happen to me beyond this life. Nobody knows for sure, but yet I feel that as long as I'm in this life, I'll be miserable and alone. Anything sounds better than that, maybe even being dead. But what if I suffer through an unpleasant afterlife like hell which is even worse than the hell I suffer through here on Earth?
Yes, I do pretty much want to die. I'm never going to amount to anything. I know I'm a burden to my family.
I'm the loser in the family. The con's vastly outweigh the pro's for me living.
I would seriously want to keep living if I could win the lottery- (I say that because some of my depression is situational- but I am just depressed in general too) I've been playing but I'm not having any luck and I'm running out of time.
No, I am very thankful for God giving me a 2nd chance and I love life
I would prefer not having been born.
I'm not attracted to the idea of people missing me or anything like it. I simply want to vanish.
I unfortunately chose a profession I can't find a decent job in and I barely have any social life to speak of. I was given everything, studied like crazy, prepared myself the best I could but fate unfortunately doesn't want to give me a break.
I actually wanted to be happy, have a family some day, a dog, etc, but unfortunately Natural Selection is very real and there is no place for me on this planet.
Yes. after fighting tooth and nail to have somewhat of a normal life after my childhood, seven years of intense therapy, many different meds, and many personal strides i needed to do for myself to get passed things, i started doing better bout the last two weeks of an out patient group, and i was having major break throughs, and yes, almost loving myself. well i hurt my back just as it was ending, the pain never went away only to find at 25; after being emotionally, physically and mentally abused for the first 18 years of life and spending seven years trying to find myself in that mess; i eventually found out i have degenerative disc desease, it doesn't go away, i'll be in a wheelchair, i i feel like i've never had a chance. . . . so really there's no point any more.. . there's nothing to fight for, i was thought if i got better at least i could put it behind me and hope to almsot kinda enjoy or at least try my damdest to. I'm pretty limited as it is right now, i feel weak and useless not being able to do 99& of what i used to do.... it's been three years, and i still don't see a better solution. so i guess i've resigned to knowing i'll never get that chance, and so it'll be on my terms.... fuck that. so the answer is yes. very much so. i lknow it wont be today or tomorrow. but it's guaranteed to happen.
I said maybe. I guess it's more accurate to say sometimes or yes, but it's difficult. I have a stable belief that I want to kill myself rather than die any other way, and I have a very difficult time imagining myself living to old age or even to middle age. However, when I think of specific methods and imagine how I'd go through with it, I get scared. Really, I'm just waiting for the moment when the fear isn't enough to stop me.
Yes. Inside all I feel is the longing for the pain to be over. After a few failed attempts,the want is still there. I know that death is final, but it would end not only mine but my family's suffering.
I replied yes..I told myself along time ago that once my parents passed away then I have free rain to go thru with it..Now I am trying to hang on for my daughter and grandaughter..My daughter is suicidal also..She does way too much cocaine..One day she won't wake up..But about me if the time is right and my mind is right then I will go thru with it..
I agree, I just threw the poll together :/
Yes i actually want to die and i have the means to. Just waiting for the right moment
I don't think i'd be on this forum if I didn't want to. lol
I had to answer with the last option. "None of these options fit" Because I'm not really sure what my answer should be. Do I want to? Well, sort of. Do I really want to? I don't know. I think my attraction to suicide isn't the desire to die, but rather the idea of it. In some morbid, round about way, I romanticize it in my mind. I've reached a point where I walk around feeling as though I've already died, so I conclude, that me not being here would be no different than me being here.
Not long ago, I would have answered "yes" and made a very sincere attempt in September. After spending some time in a locked psych ward (not really that helpful), Some occasional one-on-one therapy (moderately helpful) and finally getting my psych doc to accept the possibility I could be bi-polar II, or something other than straight depression, he medicated me appropriately (most helpful). Also helpful were small group therapy sessions.
I'm not suggesting medication is the answer for everyone, and for me it took over a year of trying different meds and combinations to arrive here, where today I'm ok, not great, but being ok is light years ahead of where I was. And after adding the most recent med, it took adjusting the dosage and then waiting 6-8 weeks for results.
Being evaluated and treated was necessary for me, otherwise I'm sure I'd be dead by now.
i answered no. because the truth is, i dont want to die, i want the pain to die. i want to kill the pain. i really dont want to kill my body, just the pain. problem is, the pain wont stop. its 24/7. all isee is pain. all i think, feel, breath, eat sleep is pain and more pain. im exhausted. the ONLY time i feel any relief at all is when im asleep..which is so rare and fleeting. i take ambien then wake up 3 hrs later,then take unisome, then wake up 2 hours later and take another sleeping pill...its fucking exhausting. i just want peace. so, its not that i want to die, its that i want peace.
You know what it is with me?? I LOVE LIFE!!
The girl that turned her back on me gave me so much lust for life.
I mean, I was depressed because of feeling like nothing because of at home and at school and just not getting anything done in life.
Then, with this girl who I FINALLY found after years, I could do anything, I was starting my life again.
She made it so I'd get outside, in contact with the nature I knew that was beautiful, but I never had a reason to go outside.
But she was there then, we would walk outside together whole days, we'd talk about everything, have beautiful moments together.
I appreciated things so much more than I already did, with much more passion and just... you know, genuinely...
And finally the romance and love I'd been wishing for since I was like 10-11 years old, the stuff you see in movies and such...
Only... then I lost her, gone was the future with her in my life, the love, the passion, the sharing, enjoying life together, everything.
Everywhere I go, it all reminds me of her. So life hurts now and I don't want it anymore because of that.
I want to be dead, just so I don't have to sort of "miss life" WHILE I'm alive.
She would always complain that sometimes I'd get all depressed and said I wanted to die, and she had a hard time with that.
But that was already fading, those were after-effects from the depression I was in and which was healing because of her.
I also explained that to her, but she just had to make a bigger problem out of it that it was. Even though it only happened a couple of times and it was as good as gone after a while...
So, at the moment... I don't know... I used to wish, before her, I was never born. Now... I wish I was just dead... I'm so tired of sadness.
I mean, I never thought I'd be so sad again, or even more than I was before. I'm sick and tired of life doing this to me. So yes, I want to get rid of this life...
I also want to show people how they treated me, what they caused, how they made me feel and what they caused me to want to do.
Is there no beautiful girl here who experiences this too? Because my... ex *puke* told me multiple times to just "find a girlfriend".
That's how much she cares about me wanting her and us having gone apart, after all the time and everything we spent together.
So... who knows, maybe I can save two here... Although it's literally a LONG shot, as most of you are probably American...
normally: i want to kill myself, but i don't want to die. and i don't want to live.
bad bad days: i want to die. don't want to kill myself (no energy, wish someone else would do it).
To be honest I wouldnt mind dying. If im taken in my sleep or if its quick and painless then id be okay with it. Life can get very tiring as you grow older, Im only 18 but I feel way older and burnt out. My future is uncertain and its scary. Different crazy emotions its like a roller coaster :|
Undecided. I can't decide if everything or nothing is laid out in front of me at this point in my life.