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Does anyone else believe

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lonelymortal, Apr 27, 2009.

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  1. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    That their depression/suicidal feelings are linked to their childhood ?

    I remember being small and weak as a child, the type of kid who never fit in and never found a clique. I remember people tripping me in class, putting needles on my chair, pushing me down the stairs, punching me, calling me stupid, weak, pathetic, etc. When I walked into the classroom(from age 9-11) people would be whispering, glaring, laughing at me, like I was the worst person in the world. I was quiet and shy, from another country and not used to a culture where people lack such basic respect. I had 2 good friends when I was elementary school but sure enough we all ended up going to different middle schools. Such is life. In middle school I didn't have anyone tripping me or pushing me down the stairs but I got laughed at, humiliated and insulted everyday. Kids talking about how my jeans looked too big, or my shirt had a stain on it, you name it. I used to walk down the hall and people that knew me would laugh at me. I would walk into ANY class and kids start whispering and laughing. I had 2 good friends in middle school but they ended up going to a different high school.
    The point is that I believe I was already scarred by the time I was 13-14. Tired of being pushed around, told to give other kids my money or my pencil, etc because I was a few inches shorter. Tired of teachers encouraging the bullies and laughing when people were picking on me. Nobody cared.
    I would go home at the end of the day, my step-father swearing and yelling at me over little incidents, my step-father pushing me against the wall and threatening me. Always calling me stupid, worthless, pathetic, miserable, a loser. Always there to harass me and make me feel even worse. Always there to rub everything in. Always there to take away books, the TV, the computer, video games, anything that I was remotely interested in. If I liked it, it had to be taken away. Nothing I ever did was ever good enough for anybody. I was always the underdog, the failure, the loser. My step-mother always ignored me. When she did talk to me it would be to tell me that I needed to work harder in school and that's all. No type of love or bond. Always treated like an inconvience by kids, teachers, and step-parents. Wake up early in the morning, get harassed, made fun of and tripped at school, go home and get pushed, insulted, harrased and made fun of. I almost never saw my childhood friends outside of school.
    I still live with my step-parents but my step-mother is on the verge of dying and they've stopped pushing me/harrassing me. Now they just nag me all the time, talk about how i'm never going to get anywhere in life and I was destined to lose. They're the type of people that would absolutely LOVE to completely destroy your reputation in front of your friends/girlfriend.
    Can anyone else relate?
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    What else could it be linked too?
    I'm nurture over nature... I think it's all got to do with childhood. I certainly know that's where my suicidal feelings come from.
  3. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    Just wondering if I'm the only one who believes their messed up childhood has caused them to become a totally messed up person. Everyone is different so it's hard to say.
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I am sure that my childhood played some part in it.
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Well, I grew up with an obsessive compulsive, untreated bipolar father.

    And he wasn't the happy kind of manic, more the rage kind of manic. I had to deal with that until he got stripped of his parental rights.
  6. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    Me too....I'm bipolar also.

    I think it's linked.
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I relate.

    And as for your question. Yes. But I protect myself well. I protect myself/my spirit/the vulnerable young bit of me, very well. Otherwise, I'm dead. It's difficult to have a relationship though, if I'm so scared of being hurt.
  8. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I was the kid that always got bullied, beaten up, etc!
  9. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I can relate to my childhood.

    I have been very lucky to one point- to have a very caring, loving and supportive family. Without my family, I wouldn't have made it this far.

    During my childhood, I was the kind of kid that everyone bullied and laughed at. Through almost my whole "teenhood" I blamed myself. Now I don't know what to do... I guess I'm trying to overcome and forget this shit.
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I can relate.. I spent practically my whole childhood locked in my bedroom because I was always in trouble for stupid shit.. Now I am older and I have been isolating myself in my bedroom for the last fifteen years..So yeah I relate..
  11. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    It depends, can be, but not always.
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