I'm not afraid of death. I never have been. I'm a bit afraid of "dying" but not being dead. What I want to ask has a little to do with that. You see, what scares me more than death or dying is suicide not being an option. I may not want to kill myself this very second, but I want to keep the option open. What scares me more than anything is that when I do want to die, I won't be able to. Like, getting locked up in a nut house on suicide watch absolutly terrifies me. I would like to keep a bunch of pills or a gun in my house, just in case. It's not that I have a definite plan to use them, but having them would bring great comfort and help me live a little longer because the stress of NOT being able to kill myself is gone. It also scares me when I read how many suicides are unsuccessful. Like I read somewhere that only 1% of people who try to kill themselves by cutting their wrists succeed. In fact, the ONLY way a heard was 99% effective was gunshot, but I don't have a gun, and that scares me. If I had the money I would buy one, just for the secure feeling it would give me... that I could if I wanted to. I'm not sure I'm making total sense, but.... does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone feel comforted that they have an "out" just in case they need it? I am I the only one that is scared that if I want to, I won't be able?