Does Anyone Else Feel Like This?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by bronwyyn, Mar 10, 2008.

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  1. bronwyyn

    bronwyyn Well-Known Member

    I'm not afraid of death. I never have been. I'm a bit afraid of "dying" but not being dead. What I want to ask has a little to do with that.

    You see, what scares me more than death or dying is suicide not being an option. I may not want to kill myself this very second, but I want to keep the option open. What scares me more than anything is that when I do want to die, I won't be able to. Like, getting locked up in a nut house on suicide watch absolutly terrifies me. I would like to keep a bunch of pills or a gun in my house, just in case. It's not that I have a definite plan to use them, but having them would bring great comfort and help me live a little longer because the stress of NOT being able to kill myself is gone.

    It also scares me when I read how many suicides are unsuccessful. Like I read somewhere that only 1% of people who try to kill themselves by cutting their wrists succeed. In fact, the ONLY way a heard was 99% effective was gunshot, but I don't have a gun, and that scares me. If I had the money I would buy one, just for the secure feeling it would give me... that I could if I wanted to.

    I'm not sure I'm making total sense, but.... does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone feel comforted that they have an "out" just in case they need it? I am I the only one that is scared that if I want to, I won't be able?
  2. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    I do. Knowing that suicide is always an option brings me comfort.
  3. bronwyyn

    bronwyyn Well-Known Member

    Wow, one response. Maybe I really am a nutcase.:unsure:
  4. Being a prisoner to society in any way, is the most scariest thing possible. It puts them in the power of controlling you, which is the opposite of suicide. The hope is that you will not become a prisoner to society nor suicide. Either way, it is a near-constant battle.
  5. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    The option reassures me also
  6. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    Mainly I'd play with self destruction in the past and test my limits through things.

    But I understand what you're saying. If I was in a lot of pain I wouldn't want anybody stopping me. I am just very fortunate to have had my girlfriend who has imprinted something in my head that "It will pass, it will pass, just hang on and it will change." She put that in my head when I was 17 and dragged me through a lot of things that way when I thought there was no hope or no possibility of change.
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