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Hi - It is possible that I have figured out part of the problem with the donations. I believe that if you try to use paypal balance or your debit/credit card that should work now. Bank transfer still seems glitchy. If you try with a card and it fails please can you let me know? Fingers crossed that part is resolved though. Thanks so much for the support - Freya
Does anyone else feel overwhelmingly guilty
- Thread starter meeko1004
- Start date
- Status
Yeah I've felt that way a lot. It used to be
I felt guilty in front of god. Like I always felt like
I had done something terribly wrong. No explanation for this feeling.
But now its the guilt you describe..guilty for everything I've got
When its just being wasted as compared to those who do more
Important things with their lives who don't have those things.
Or guilty everyday I'm at work and I make a mistake and a manager
Sees it. Or I have to call a manager. Or just guilty for friends leaving me..
for my mom being the way she is..ect. Basically everything.
I feel like I let everyone down. Including myself.
I felt guilty in front of god. Like I always felt like
I had done something terribly wrong. No explanation for this feeling.
But now its the guilt you describe..guilty for everything I've got
When its just being wasted as compared to those who do more
Important things with their lives who don't have those things.
Or guilty everyday I'm at work and I make a mistake and a manager
Sees it. Or I have to call a manager. Or just guilty for friends leaving me..
for my mom being the way she is..ect. Basically everything.
I feel like I let everyone down. Including myself.
feelings of guilt are eating me up for many of the reasons stated here already, but most of all, i feel guilty for the death of my other half, long story very short is i was his principal carer and tiredness made me make bad judgements at the end and he died..he put his faith in me and i screwed up and he died in a miserable way. all the meds in the world wont take that away and the usual platitudes of "you did your best" etc mean nothing as no one saw how it was. sorry rambling now...but yes..guilt is evil! :sigh:
100% of the time, everything what you've mentioned and much more. Seems to be getting worse, didn't really feel this way many years ago, maybe it's because I've turned into such a useless waste of a human being. It's easy for others to say don't worry or think about it, that does no good for any of us, wish I knew of a good concrete answer to help us here but don't have one.:grr:
You really have to differentiate between the guilt that comes from depression and genuine guilt which comes from doing bad things - immoral things more so than illegal.
Then perhaps, you have a mixture of both forms.
Either way, if what you have done is wicked and evil (murder, rape and so on) then hopefully you'd turn yourself in.
Depression is like an amplifier for negative things so its little wonder guilt would get dragged into it. Why not? It makes sense really that depression would 'hijack' a few little guilts or regrets and leave us feeling like we are the worse son or daughter, mother or lover or carer in the world.
It's really just a trick of the mind. Like a panic attack. I mean, ever feel panic in a crowd, or shop and feel that old flight or fight instinct? You know its a trick of the mind as there is no impending danger you need to fight or run from.
Also, ever have a feeling, just before you drop off to sleep, that makes you feel like you are falling from a great height? Again its a sign the mind makes us feel some things which are not real. This guilt is just one of those moments - extended, because guilt is not some instant feeling that pops up and dissipates.
As for feeling bad about your partner icemaiden - its natural even if you done all you could to focus on the ever present failings we ALL HAVE. I know about caring and have seen people who have cared for terminally ill people. Sometimes people want more than we can give - someone who is very ill might only want close ones to care for them - but if your the only one really there then you exhaust yourself. If you made some bad judgement towards the end - it was just down to a traumatic and likely exhausting period of a few months prior to you not being able to carry on till the end. You done what you could - his pain is now over and you should pray for him if you believe, pray for yourself also. When people die there is often a time when even big families with lots of people to care might not be able to pull off what seemed to do perhaps almost single handed. I'm guessing others might feel guilt in that case.
Even parents of terminally ill children generally always use the hospice because there they get 24 hr care, love and attention. Pain relief needs that level of care sometimes.
Guilt is like a cancer. Instead of cells multiplying its the thoughts that multiply. Just one thought will pop up at first. You've let someone down maybe - made a big mistake - maybe you lived a genuinely bad life. You think you're 'no good' and that's all you need for guilt to multiply and drag up EVERY negative thought that the darkness of your mind can muster up.
You got to take action against this - become angry about it because its a real KILLJOY. I mean depression, by itself, it's not too bad. Guilt is worse because it mimics a very real emotion in us - in fact perhaps something that makes us who we are. After all - if we judge a person by anything we will judge them on their capacity to have some moral code.
Accept your depression. We have no choice there and depending how long you've had it then maybe its just a part of you. But guilt - if you want to determine whether or not you are really guilty of something - just write down on paper the things that were so wrong. For most people its just the usual things - we make mistakes - we feel bad about them then we rectify the behaviour that caused the mistake.
First off you need to ask whether you have a moral code.
Then assess whether it ties in with common sense.
Given many here will actually feel like they need to die because of some imagined guilt - its time to realise it is an imposter for the real thing. Real guilt is a recognition of wrong - genuine shame is a wonderful thing IF that sense of shame of guilt is a wake up call.
If your guilt, on the other hand, is some kind of thought process of negativity - the recurring theme that holds back your life - then its false guilt - and if you disagree then that's only natural also. Your so convinced by the authenticity of the feeling because its what you wake up to and what you go to bed thinking about.
Rest assured, what you feel is not always how it is. We can become convinced of the craziest of notions sometimes.
The main thing you need to do (if you have not) is to obviously seek some help and talk to people about this horrible illness. Guilt is sometimes part and parcel of depression, to a greater or lesser degree it it is perhaps the root of depression. I think everyone who gets depressed must feel guilt eventually. Come to think of it - is there anyone with depression who does not feel guilty about something?
The worse guilt is the sort people kill themselves for. This can be genuine, I know someone evil who killed themselves. That said, almost everyone I know who died in a variety of suicides, all felt some kind of guilt. Guilt for not being able to cope with the kids, guilt over feeling not good enough, guilt over being a burden. Sadly, many have died with this persistent emotion gnawing away inside.
But you got to know it really is just part of the illness - the condition.
If you were truly a bad person, trust me, you would not feel an ounce of guilt over actual crimes and certainly not waste a second of your time dwelling on how you may have made others feel bad.
I feel some genuine guilt about not caring enough for family in my youth and reckless days of being a young man. I counter that by doing nice things now and being the one who can hopefully care for them up until a point were they need professional help, hospital stays and so on.
If you have made mistakes in the past - its part of life. We make a trade off by recognising our mistakes of the past and using our leant wisdom as and when we can help in the here and now. This way, we can maybe feel a little bit good about ourselves.
Get help if you have not done so. Help others once you feel like your guilt is just like that which most people will carry around.
Good luck!
Then perhaps, you have a mixture of both forms.
Either way, if what you have done is wicked and evil (murder, rape and so on) then hopefully you'd turn yourself in.
Depression is like an amplifier for negative things so its little wonder guilt would get dragged into it. Why not? It makes sense really that depression would 'hijack' a few little guilts or regrets and leave us feeling like we are the worse son or daughter, mother or lover or carer in the world.
It's really just a trick of the mind. Like a panic attack. I mean, ever feel panic in a crowd, or shop and feel that old flight or fight instinct? You know its a trick of the mind as there is no impending danger you need to fight or run from.
Also, ever have a feeling, just before you drop off to sleep, that makes you feel like you are falling from a great height? Again its a sign the mind makes us feel some things which are not real. This guilt is just one of those moments - extended, because guilt is not some instant feeling that pops up and dissipates.
As for feeling bad about your partner icemaiden - its natural even if you done all you could to focus on the ever present failings we ALL HAVE. I know about caring and have seen people who have cared for terminally ill people. Sometimes people want more than we can give - someone who is very ill might only want close ones to care for them - but if your the only one really there then you exhaust yourself. If you made some bad judgement towards the end - it was just down to a traumatic and likely exhausting period of a few months prior to you not being able to carry on till the end. You done what you could - his pain is now over and you should pray for him if you believe, pray for yourself also. When people die there is often a time when even big families with lots of people to care might not be able to pull off what seemed to do perhaps almost single handed. I'm guessing others might feel guilt in that case.
Even parents of terminally ill children generally always use the hospice because there they get 24 hr care, love and attention. Pain relief needs that level of care sometimes.
Guilt is like a cancer. Instead of cells multiplying its the thoughts that multiply. Just one thought will pop up at first. You've let someone down maybe - made a big mistake - maybe you lived a genuinely bad life. You think you're 'no good' and that's all you need for guilt to multiply and drag up EVERY negative thought that the darkness of your mind can muster up.
You got to take action against this - become angry about it because its a real KILLJOY. I mean depression, by itself, it's not too bad. Guilt is worse because it mimics a very real emotion in us - in fact perhaps something that makes us who we are. After all - if we judge a person by anything we will judge them on their capacity to have some moral code.
Accept your depression. We have no choice there and depending how long you've had it then maybe its just a part of you. But guilt - if you want to determine whether or not you are really guilty of something - just write down on paper the things that were so wrong. For most people its just the usual things - we make mistakes - we feel bad about them then we rectify the behaviour that caused the mistake.
First off you need to ask whether you have a moral code.
Then assess whether it ties in with common sense.
Given many here will actually feel like they need to die because of some imagined guilt - its time to realise it is an imposter for the real thing. Real guilt is a recognition of wrong - genuine shame is a wonderful thing IF that sense of shame of guilt is a wake up call.
If your guilt, on the other hand, is some kind of thought process of negativity - the recurring theme that holds back your life - then its false guilt - and if you disagree then that's only natural also. Your so convinced by the authenticity of the feeling because its what you wake up to and what you go to bed thinking about.
Rest assured, what you feel is not always how it is. We can become convinced of the craziest of notions sometimes.
The main thing you need to do (if you have not) is to obviously seek some help and talk to people about this horrible illness. Guilt is sometimes part and parcel of depression, to a greater or lesser degree it it is perhaps the root of depression. I think everyone who gets depressed must feel guilt eventually. Come to think of it - is there anyone with depression who does not feel guilty about something?
The worse guilt is the sort people kill themselves for. This can be genuine, I know someone evil who killed themselves. That said, almost everyone I know who died in a variety of suicides, all felt some kind of guilt. Guilt for not being able to cope with the kids, guilt over feeling not good enough, guilt over being a burden. Sadly, many have died with this persistent emotion gnawing away inside.
But you got to know it really is just part of the illness - the condition.
If you were truly a bad person, trust me, you would not feel an ounce of guilt over actual crimes and certainly not waste a second of your time dwelling on how you may have made others feel bad.
I feel some genuine guilt about not caring enough for family in my youth and reckless days of being a young man. I counter that by doing nice things now and being the one who can hopefully care for them up until a point were they need professional help, hospital stays and so on.
If you have made mistakes in the past - its part of life. We make a trade off by recognising our mistakes of the past and using our leant wisdom as and when we can help in the here and now. This way, we can maybe feel a little bit good about ourselves.
Get help if you have not done so. Help others once you feel like your guilt is just like that which most people will carry around.
Good luck!
thank you for your kind words peacelovingguy...and no matter how often i get told "you did your best" blah blah blah....no one really sees the inside outs of being a carer...particularly 24/7, i do not want pity, i would do it all again, there is so much involved and i have had to overlook many losses, including my lovely dad, from being a carer, you lose your identity and persona but you dont realise it or feel bad about it...when you have someones life in your hands and you screw up for whatever reason, that evil demon called guilt eats away at you, it erodes your grief so you dont grieve, it erodes everything till you dont know who what where why when how...it totally screws you and then if you have other issues (or losses) they seep in to your psyche and ultimately you dont know which way is up and you forget what got you here, and that makes you feel even more guilt cos how can you forget the loss that got you here in the first place...hamster on a wheel..round and round..guilt is evil and very destructive but i am told it can also be liberating...heck...if only that proves to be true...i was always classed as a strong person but like a flat battery i am out of energy...guilt is a taker and gives you nothing back.... all i can say is i hope everyone here going through horrid guilt can fight the demon and maybe together we will defeat it.
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