Does anyone else get attacked in public for how they look??

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Youlleatamuffinandlikeit, Feb 17, 2012.

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  1. Youlleatamuffinandlikeit

    Youlleatamuffinandlikeit Well-Known Member

    Just curious. Because it happens to me ALL the time and it's making me want to kill myself, a lot. Given that I have bdd and depression, too, it is all the more devastating.

    I am so tired of constantly being battered. So tired.
  2. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I used to. And honestly, it fucked me up worse than anything else...even more than being sexually abused. Bullying is no joke.
  3. Youlleatamuffinandlikeit

    Youlleatamuffinandlikeit Well-Known Member

    Every single time I get degraded by some loudmouth prick, it hits directly on the emotional wound which tells me that I am ugly, unacceptable and have NO place in this world. My bdd has taken away all quality to my life- I have nothing outside of my obsessions. I've worked very hard in my life, but it all counts for nothing because I look hideous and like a freak and **nobody** wants the freak. Nobody.

    I have never had such an attack of suicidal feelings, in such a long time. I don't think I can take it happening again, but I know it will.
  4. Youlleatamuffinandlikeit

    Youlleatamuffinandlikeit Well-Known Member

    If ONLY working hard was enough to beat this.....but when there is something wrong in your brain, when no matter how hard you work it can still get you in that hole. Add to that this constant abuse....and I just....I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!
  5. Youlleatamuffinandlikeit

    Youlleatamuffinandlikeit Well-Known Member

    I'm supposed to be working this weekend, dealing with the public. I don't know how I'm going to cope. I want to cry :(((((((

    I don't want to be here anymore.
  6. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I'm truly and sincerely sorry that you are going through this. I literally am tearing up for you right now because I know exactly how much it hurts to be ridiculed constantly and how most people don't think it's a big deal, or they're just "joking". Just please try to remember that it's not your fault and there's nothing wrong with you. It's them.
  7. Youlleatamuffinandlikeit

    Youlleatamuffinandlikeit Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your kindness and understanding. It means a lot.

    It's so hard, because it's virtually guaranteed to happen to me whenever I go out, add to that the voices in my head telling me that I am ugly and that I should just kill myself, as I add up all the years of misery and loss that the disorder has wrought upon me.

    I'm just very, very, battered today. Locked into a battle with the mirror for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and I STILL look awful.

    I can't keep doing this. I just literally CANNOT.
  8. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I think you should try to distract yourself with something and avoid the mirror. Sometimes I can't avoid looking into the mirror every time I pass by one it seems, but it's more beneficial when I do, instead of fixating on how I look. You have a disorder, though, and that's what's making you feel ugly. It's not because you really are. In fact, you sound like a beautiful person to me. Please, try to find some sort of activity to engage yourself in right now.
  9. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that you are attacked in public for your looks. What do those nasty people say?
  10. Youlleatamuffinandlikeit

    Youlleatamuffinandlikeit Well-Known Member

    I won't repeat what they say, as it is humiliating. In fact, all of my life is humiliation now. Privately I am so crippled by my issues that I struggle to function on any kind of level, and in public I am constantly reminded of how ugly and worthless I am.

    I don't know. I don't think it's really worth putting up with anymore. I don't think its worth living.
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Sorry you have to deal with this. People can really be pricks. I have to deal with the same thing, too bad some people can't look past the outside and see that you are a good person.
  12. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Sorry you feel like that, wish i could help but all i can say are platitudes.

    You have an interesting username, why did you pick it?

    (love the plant lady!)
  13. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I'm a guy with BDD and no confidence whatsover. I've had it pretty much all my life and now I'm in my late 40s. I feel like I'm suffocating in a plastic bag. I'm pretty much a loner these days.
  14. niah

    niah Member

    I know exactly how you feel. And I'm sorry.
  15. Youlleatamuffinandlikeit

    Youlleatamuffinandlikeit Well-Known Member

    I feel as though I cannot win. I find this whole situation very hypocritical. You see, I feel as though I have experienced the full range of experiences when it comes to how your appearance can affect other people.

    I've been the ugly kid. I didn't like that. That was the worst. Nobody cares about you and nobody wants you. It was like being trapped in the wrong body.

    I know what it's like to have people think you are a freak, too. And I have come to hate that with equal intensity. You aren't even treated like a person. And again, it just keeps you alone.

    On my very very rare 'good' days I have also experienced the power that a so-called attractive appearance can give you. Seen how people instantaneously treat you better. This is what I want, and if I was attractive in the way I want to be that is what I would get.

    I do not want to look extreme or distorted, but with this thing in my head no matter how hard I try this can always happen.

    Frankly I am starting to be disgusted by all of it, the fight to try and reach a place of peace within myself from within and without is constantly undermined by this bullying where-ever I go. So how am I supposed to make any progress in myself when I am constantly attacked and reminded that I am not 'fooling' anyone and that I am in fact an ugly freak? How can anyone have that kind of strength?

    I am beyond fed up.
  16. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    People who treat others differently only because of their appearance usually get what they deserve in the end, people will lie to them, their world will be fake but seem perfect and they will like to pretend they are happy. We can only be ourselves, and that is special enough for anyone who really wants to know you. The others, let them live in their world. :)
    Good luck with everything!
  17. Youlleatamuffinandlikeit

    Youlleatamuffinandlikeit Well-Known Member

    I really wish it was this simple.....
  18. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    Can't you just let them say all they want and if they cross the line just yell to express your thoughts and feelings, make your point, tell them they're assholes? Bullies love to feel weakness, don't show them what they want, show strength, and they'll go. You are for sure more stronger then them, emotionally.
    Just some thoughts.

    P.S.: Something I have to remember myself - They are usually just sad insecure people, try to remember that next time.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 18, 2012
  19. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I've never been bullied or attacked in my whole life even though I am a minority in society. Guess I am lucky. I've experienced racism in high school though. So I kinda relate a little. But if I were in your situation, I don't know what I would do. My heart would tell me to pack up and leave the area to find a new place to live.....that's hard I know.
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