I have horrible issues with spending money and saving money. If i get paid on a friday atleast half will be gone by monday.
Don't even get me started on credit cards, i have 4 and they are all maxed out and then some. I keep telling myself that i will put money towards it next paycheck... but then payday rolls around and i just can't help myself and i go on a spree and then oops... looks like ill have to wait until the next payday. It's something i constantly think and stress about yet i just cant seem to put it as a top priority to pay.
I am so broke right now that for the past few months i have been taking money out of a secured account and i have just recently put my foot down and told myself i wouldn't take anymore out seeing as 90% of it is gone now. I'm just so bad with money i have zero saving skills.
Spending money sort of soothes me. It's one of the few things left that i actually still enjoy. I sound like a fucking weirdo here but just the whole transaction and everything... it's exciting. It's pathetic that i feel that my life has gotten to the point where i find something as small as a purchase transaction is exciting. I feel the only way i can avoid this is to avoid malls and shopping centres as well as shopping district streets....they just draw me in no matter how hard i try to resist they draw me back. It's an addiction. It's stupid, but it's an addiction.. a pathetic addiction.
There are times... when i find things in my closet or in my room that i don't even remember buying. I'll find bags tucked away in the back of my closet with the tags on and everything or still in the original unopened box. I'll look at the receipt and find out that i had gotten it a month or more ago at which point it's now too late to return. I'll also receive boxes in the mail from time to time that i don't remember ordering at all.
There have been times where i've spent a couple grand in a 2 day period and have nothing to show for it.
That's probably the worst part of it for me. I have nothing to show for anything that i have bought. It wouldn't bother me quite so much if i atleast had something to show for it like a car or something but to be quite honest i just blow my money crap like junk food, alcohol, smokes, books that i'll never read(thats another addiction in itself), and so on. I also have a lot of clothes for it which i suppose isn't so bad but i steal feel like i could have done better considering the money i have spent.
It frightens me to think that for the first time it's pay day and i don't have an instant urge to spend it... perhaps i have hit rock bottom? It's pathetic to think that because i dont want to spend money it may be a sign that i have gotten to an extreme low... lower than before.
I feel like a moron writing this. No one knows the severity of the debt i owe. All my friends act as if it's no problem saving money, and really it shouldn't be but for me it is.