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Does anyone else have this?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tendenCs_89, Dec 11, 2008.

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  1. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Hi Im Alfie
    I have a problem where througout the day I have this strange anxiety in my head like a splinter. Its like an acute awareness of myself, the best way i can describe it is a white noise constantly humming in my head. This feeling makes me constantly over-analyse everything i see.

    So if I say "hello" to someone and they say "hi" back, Ill have 100 thoughts suddenly. Why didnt they say hello? should i have said hi? why didnt they look me in the eye? should i have said anything? did i look stupid? etc etc (this is an exaggerrated example but you get the idea)

    So this makes me really paranoid, and means im constantly thinking people are saying things behind my back and im always thinking about how i look to others. This means that socialising is difficult and i never feel at ease. Sometimes this feeling is small and i can get over it. But sometimes (and a lot lately) its been blocking out every other thought and i get into a state where i can only think about myself and this brings on massive fear, anger and depression.
    I feel terriffied and want to beat someone up and kill myself all in one. This means i can barely even respond to people. This problem is literally ruining my life and stopping me from having happiness and being normal and ive tried a million things to stop it.

    Does anyone else have this? does anyone know anything that can cure it?

    Sorry this was so long
  2. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    By the way i have been looking at SF posts for a while and i realise that compared to a lot of peoples problems on here this really isnt that bad. Like i havent been abused and ive never tried to kill myself (even though I have thought about it)
    But this is making me depressed and feel stupid and worthless so i hope youll respond and try and help me :smile:
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    just wanted to say hi, and welcome. personally, i haven't felt what you describe but it sounds very painful and difficult to live with. could a therapist or counsellor help you with this?
  4. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the welcome dazzle :)

    yeah i have therapy every week, and its helped me understand whats happening, like without it i wouldnt have been able to explain this feeling in the post i just made
    But it hasnt actually helped at all. Like i dont feel happier or better whatsoever. I saw my therapist today actually and told her i think i need medication or something but she said that wouldnt help at all
    I dunno...
  5. perfectempire

    perfectempire Active Member

    What you're experiencing is the story of my life. I'm afraid to even say hello to people because I'm afraid that my recognition abilities will fail me...I'm also constantly afraid that I said it wrong/did it wrong/upset them ect. Whenever I hang out with friends I feel so awful afterwards...almost certain that they hate me b/c I talked too much or said something embarassing. It wrecks my life because its in addition to panic attacks. All of this uncertainty makes me want to just press the "off" button and DIE.

    I'm so upset.

    But I know what you're going through.

  6. ckeppa

    ckeppa Active Member

    i feel the same way everyday, ontop of an eating disorder, *witch comes with inerexia*...i want to thow up constintly, sevear depression... ive lost all will to have a sex life again because my last partner Fucked me up...i have absolutly nobody to turn to...and because of that thought prosses, over the years its made me Very anti social, lonly and angry..so non the less ive become a ticking time bomb to anyone around me...cant hold a conversation let alone hold myself up. its becoming harder to live by the day. and there is no solution that i found helpful...at all. i want to die every minute im awake. but im scared to sleep because all my dreams are nightmares about my past life...every night is the same. please somebody end my misery
    all that wasnt to show you have it better or anything of the sort...just to show we all feel the pain ur going thu. ur not alone, if ya wanna talk pm me,
    but no i havnt found a cure yet. if you do find one, there is a god.
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I also suffer with this, your comment about after being with friends and thinking that they hate you rings so true for me also. There are types of medications that can help, as far as i know lexapro is more an anti anxiety than an anti depressant.if you are in america you can pick it up at the drug store.your not alone hun and welcome to our home that is SF :hug:
  8. sidjor

    sidjor Active Member

    I feel the same way..over analyze everything....i also have depersonalization which may be the reason i have this.

  9. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    wow i didnt realise other people had exactly the same thing...thought it was just me. i guess its quite comforting
    Ive tried to force this to end by being overly social and forcing my head not to think of ANYTHING but this just makes it even worse
    and sometimes i try and accept what is happenning and just live with it, but this just makes me feel depressed because i want to change so badly...
    perfectempire and ckeppa thanks for the support. im only 16 and from the impression i got you two are older, and i see myself being in youre situation when im an adult which worries me.... :sad:
    well ill keep asking and trying to find out what the best way to deal with this is, and when i do ill let you both know :)
    do any of you know what the official name for this is?
  10. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    thanks sid and wheresmysheep :)
    i appreciate it
  11. perfectempire

    perfectempire Active Member

    It's called "social anxiety disorder" or "social phobia" DSM-IV 300.23
  12. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi TendenCs,

    Welcome to SF!!

    I have experienced what you described, which I believe is social anxiety. Therapy and medication can cure anxiety. Have you seen a doctor/plan to see a doctor about this? Anxiety is extremely hard to live with, you need something to help you cope. So please don't attempt to get through it alone :hug:
  14. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    hi sweetheart
    thanks a lot for the welcome :)

    yeah trying to stop this anxiety on my own has been something ive been trying to do for about a year. Like I'd force myself to be really social and say whatever came into my head, or id force myself to look really happy. Its only recently ive realised this always fails and just makes it worse. :(

    i have therapy, which helps me to understand whats happening and help me articulate my thoughts about myself
    BUT it doesnt actually help at all. I think i need some medication, im gonna do some research and try and get some. if you know any good brands please let me know :)
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey :)

    Benzodiazepines are the best medications to treat anxiety. xanax, valium and klonopin will all make you feel like your on cloud 9:tongue: They are wonderful drugs but extremely addictive. They take anxiety away within minutes. It's awesome!

    If you find it difficult to raise the subject with your doctor..just say to him/her....My anxiety is getting a lot worse, is there anything you can prescribe for it? You don't need to go into the suicidal thoughts etc..unless you really want to.

    It's good to hear that you're in therapy. Even if you don't feel it's helping, it's probably one of the reasons you are still with us. I hope you feel better soon hun. I'm always here if you need to talk..:hug:

    Hugs, Lynn :arms:
  16. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Thanks Lyyn
    Im only 16 so i dont know what the situation is with me taking stuff like valium, but ill see what i can do
    ill definetely mention it to my therapist :)
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