Does anyone else miss the hospitals?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by cayzira, Nov 19, 2009.

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  1. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I miss the ward. After almost a year of despising it, I would happily go back there. It's strange really, almost exactly 3 years ago today I took the overdose that landed me in that place... after a year of "work" I got out, cured. Things were great, then Sue went back in.

    I couldn't bear to visit the place, I started showing up drunk, only way I could face it. The drinking soon became an everyday thing, and then drugs got involved. I'm pathetic, all that help, and I never got better. They didn't treat the illness, I know that much, they never do, they simply fixed the symptoms. Now I've got new ones, and the old one's are coming back. I should have used the time I had there to get better, I'm an idiot for wasting a chance to fix myself.

    Things are supposed to be okay, I'm meant to be better. I wish I could go back... it was the only place I've ever felt accepted. It was the only place I ever had friends. I wish I didn't, I wish I could just keep on hating the place, but... Is this normal, does anyone else miss the fucking hospitals.I don't understand how I went from not being able to go there sober, to missing it... it doesn't make sense.
     
  2. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    it makes sense to me, it's safe, nobody hurts you, you're taken care of, i wish i could go on days i feel like this, or at least stay there a couple of mornings/afternoons a week, there are the only people in RL that understand me
     
  3. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    I've been to the hospital too much in my life for a 23 year old. Next time I go I will be dead, I don't ever want to set foot in there again.
     
  4. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I miss the ward sometimes because I had good food, good friends (of all ages, except for kids), and there was pay tv and a pool table. Plus I could smoke all I wanted outdoors and enjoy the air-con indoors. Occasionally I wish I could go back, but I still prefer being at home, with my internet.
     
  5. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I don't miss the hospital because of the thousands of restrictions, the tedious groups, how slowly time passes and the same walls/furniture/view out the windows. I feel like a caged hamster in the hospital.
     
  6. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Hi Cayzira, was it Llyn Y Groes at the Maelor in Wrexham you stayed? I have had 3 stays there when I used to live in Wrexham, I have also been in the Countess at Chester also. My psychiatrist was Dr Clifford. It's a good unit to be on. I know what you mean about missing the ward, if you are a regular inpatient and outpatient you meet some real characters.
     
  7. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I miss being there for the constant human interaction. And it's almost like I can toss out all the guilt in all I say or do because everyone else is in the exact same situation as me.
    If I were playing UNO or some other game with my friends I'd be all anxious because I knew it would end, it'd be over, and they'd go home. In the hospital it was like, what else are we going to do. So I knew I had people to spend time with.

    And yes like said above, it's safe, you're taken care of.
    But while I was there I always wanted out.

    Whereabouts did you go to the hospital? I know where I went, in Connecticut... they keep people minimum three days but usually no more than a week. Someone said they were in there a month, but that's the longest I've ever heard nowadays.
     
  8. xXxRNBxXx

    xXxRNBxXx Senior member

    i always hate it when im in there and cant wait to get out...BUT once im out i want to be back in there... confusing i know lol i've only been out a month...i miss always having someone there to talk to no matter what hour. Being able to talk to other people who can relate in someway as to what your going through...I feel other in patients helped me more then the doctor did.
     
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    That is 100% exactly how I feel! :hug:
     
  10. sinnssykdom

    sinnssykdom Banned Member

    This is how i feel too,

    but i also kind of feel this...

    I geuss i feel above when im in there but once im out its nice at first and then i realize how the things i did to get out are really no help but in all honesty i don't think they truly help your problems just maybe a place to get stabilized i suppose.

     
  11. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    "i always hate it when im in there and cant wait to get out...BUT once im out i want to be back in there... confusing i know lol i've only been out a month...i miss always having someone there to talk to no matter what hour. Being able to talk to other people who can relate in someway as to what your going through...I feel other in patients helped me more then the doctor did."

    I coulden't agree more. I hated the year I spent in Cheadle, and wanted nothing more than to get out (Did suceed at one point, and spent 3 days on the run - kind of a fucked up story) but now... I miss it, I miss the routine, I miss the saftey, I miss not having to see sheelagh drunk, I miss every day being the same (I still can't stand change, it scares the shit out of me)

    The patients there, are the only people I've ever really gotten on with... sadley, there the closest things I've ever had to friends. People bond better in shit situations it seems. I remember when I left they threw a party for me (In the year I'd been there, I'd never seen them do this for anyone) and one of the staff cried. People cared about me, people took the time to get to know me.

    I'm still in touch with one of them, we see each other every few months, and I've been dateing Susan for 2 and a half years now, she was the first person who didn't treat me like shit by deaufault. The people I met in the ward were the nicest, truest, most careing people, I've ever know.

    The way things are now... I'd rather be in there, my minds as fucked up as it was back then, and my bodys starting to go the same way. As much as I miss the place, I still hate it, because after a year, they didn't help! If anything I'm worse. While I was in the ward I may have been severly depressed, but I was a careing, empathetic, and polite person, and I stuck to my own moral code... now I fucked up, severly depressed, druggie, who after another year with sheelagh has been come increasingly cynical, and lost most of my own morals.

    The more I think about it, the more I know, the reason I want to go back there, is because while I was there: I was a good person... now, I can hardly look at myself in the mirror, because I don't requignize or like the person I see.
     
  12. Sidewalk Slam

    Sidewalk Slam Well-Known Member

    For the past two years or so, I have come to points about once a month or more where I start trying to figure out a way to get put in a place like that for a while. I never actually want to kill myself (well I do, but haven't attempted or been more than 75% ready to attempt (sorry for a lame percentage usage as a point)).. One of my good friends was in and out of mental hospitals and she loved being there sometimes. It was a way to get away. I sometimes decide I'm going to walk up to the front counter and threaten suicide so they'll put me in and keep me safe from myself, but I've never had enough guts to do it. I think I'm just worried about what my family would think. I get so close to actually doing this though.. I figure it's better than my first actual suicide attempt. And I figure maybe I could get on some medication that way.

    edit: this thread- http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=15834 "Should I fake a suicide attempt to gain help".. is exactly what I think of doing. I haven't yet, I just don't know how to ask for help and be taken seriously. Asking for help is one giant step.. being taken completely seriously (as in.. even if I try to back out of the help I'm trying to get, I'm made to get it since I asked.. they shouldn't listen to me as I'm indesicive) is another giant step. Two steps I obviously can't take.

    edit2: please don't attack me for that. I'm not going to, it's just been a thought. Anything you want to bitch at me for about what I said, I already know, I already read the entire thread, and I already understood from the beginning why it's a stupid and insulting idea. =]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2009
  13. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I can relate to a lot of what your saying sidewalk, but I woulden't reccomend walking up to the counter and asking to be admitted. thouse places are a big shock to one's system, and while I miss it now (Nearly 2 years later), I will tell you firsthand that it's a horrible experience. (I know this seems contrary to me wanting to go back myself, and missing the place - that is why I'm confused)

    I can understand the reasoning behind the "Should I fake a suicide attempt to gain help" thoughts, and while I don't think many people would admitt to it, I think it's proably passed through the minds of quite a few people here. Personally I woulden't reccomend it, any treatment you would recive would revolve around the lie, and I imagine that the constant maintaining of such a lie, would significantly lower one's self-esteem, leaving you in a worse position that when you started. I saw this happen to a girl (Well, she never admitted to fakeing it... but it was pretty clear), and it wasen't nice, she ended up a lot more messed up than she came in, and alot of us didn't trust her.

    You say that asking for help, and being taken seriosly, are two steps that you cannot take. Why not? I woulden't worry about the trying to back out of it thing.. there pretty wise to that one, and as for actually asking... it's not easy (I've never been able to do it), but surely it's better than getting help.

    I'm in the process of trying to pluck up the corage to ask for help myself at the moment, I just want back on my pills (I took myself off them a year ago... it was a stupid move) I certainly don't want to wind up getting admitted again, (While I miss the ward... I don't know if really want to be there - luckly I know that I don't need that kind of help anymore, so I don't need to know Yes I'm still confused about all of this) and while it's a pretty simple request to make (they didn't want me to come off them anyway) I'll admitt that I'm shit scared. But I have to ask, for the same reason you should ask:Asking for help, is better than the alternatives.

    Not sure if I've made much sense here... I can't really understand my own thoughts, so it was hard writing them down. Sorry.
     
  14. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i'm not totally sure that i miss them, but to some extent i must given that i keep ending up back there every few months. i now have them trained as to which one i would prefer to be in. it's like it's been said before i like the fact that i can talk to someone anytime of day or night. in fact i'm going through this again right now. i guess it's almost like i'm joansin to go back in. just suffice all this to say i would like to go back in just cuz most of the time i do feel better when i come back out.
     
  15. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    no. i do notice though some people really like and rely on the hospital environment, they feel taken care of or...they're in there to have a break from their drugs or whatever. some people actually make friends there? i just don't. it's the last resort for me and i always discharge myself asap. i'd rather die then go into hospital, my experiences were that bad. the last time wasn't too bad though. i felt completely in control of the situation.
     
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member


    i know i'm not taken care of in my psych ward. i mean in terms of keeping an eye on me and keeping me away from a bridge, ok. but in terms of being taken care of in the past, no way. i never got that. the helplessness when you're going to die, seriously from your ED was terrifying, that and realising there was no one there. i just got into a lot of arguements with the nurses there for their way of treating my eating disorder through wanting me on medication. and the behaviour of the nurses working in the night, is unbelievable.

    how long? it depends, some people are on sections lasting 6 months. i've always gone in voluntarily. the longer i stay there the more ill i get, mentally in terms of dissociation. 3 days maximum was enough the last time.
    i do notice, like you said, some people might just go in and out because of social isolation. or i don't know, i do get the feeling some people are in a repetitive pattern and are kinda unhealthily dependent on the care involved. i really like the outpatient monitoring outreach team which allow me to not go to the inpatient ward upstairs. they monitor you and keep a close eye on your symptoms every day which is what i want them do to when i approach them.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 24, 2009
  17. Sidewalk Slam

    Sidewalk Slam Well-Known Member

    Is there any way you can commit yourself without owing thousands of dollars afterward?
     
  18. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I made several attempts, one attempt I ended up in hospital, and the CAT team were called, they said there was nothing they could do to help me, and home I went. So I wouldn't fake an attempt to get into hospital. A real attempt didn't get me there.
     
  19. Moony

    Moony Well-Known Member

    sometimes I do miss it. It's been a year since my last stay, i've taken myself off medication a few months later, I have pretty much anyone could want: a great boyfriend living with me, a job that doesn't suck every day... and yet sometimes I miss the quiet of my little private room at the clinic, the understanding of my friends there, the nurses...

    and most of all I miss being worried about. I'd never been the one my family worried about, all my life i've been the "strong one" (which was fake of course, i'd cut all the time). Until my dad found me dying that morning, they never knew i wasn't perfectly fine. I thought after that they'd always try to see past my smile, but now i live with my boyfriend so they figure everything is allright.


    which is fine by me, most of the time. I'm an independent person. Most of the time. But still, sometimes I miss being the center of attention. god i'm so selfish and pathetic.
     
  20. Missyme1208

    Missyme1208 New Member

    Cheadle Royal?? I spent two years in and out of that place and, at the time i hated it there, but i guess at some point i must have grown to love it in some way because i've been out a while now and still miss it!! I have great friends now, but i know that i'll never be as close to anyone ever again as i was to the people in there. I was talking about it the other day- i was saying that i still felt like there was a barrier between me and the rest of the world- and i never once felt like that when i was in (Russell house,not the main building) Cheadle.
    I used to say Cheadle was like Narnia, like it was a completely separate world and it was our world, and what went on in there was nobody else's business. "Normal" people were "ousiders" - I liked that
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2010
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