Does anyone else...?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by xoCherie, May 26, 2012.

  1. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    Does anyone else push all of their guy mates away, but only after certain things?

    I had a guy from my course, an older guy with kids, flirting with me and he pressured me into having sex twice with him - I didn't want to but he cuddled me afterwards and I haven't had cuddles in so long I pine for them - and now is treating me like dirt and is threatening to get me kicked from course because of my mental health (empty threats, course can't discriminate against mental health). I don't expect a relationship or anything like that, this is a back story to my question.
    Since all that I've literally pushed all of my guy mates away, even the ones I've known for four years. I don't know why. I find it hard to look guys in the face now, let alone meet their eyes.
    I'm just wondering, has anyone else done this?
  2. chewbacca

    chewbacca Well-Known Member

    i basically do the same, of course its the other way around with me
  3. Deonidas

    Deonidas Member

    I know what you mean. I can't look a woman in the face due to my inner conflicts. I have difficulty looking at anyone in the face anymore lest they see the shame in my eyes.
  4. Gimiq

    Gimiq Well-Known Member

    You guys are awesome, for the love of god dump the dousche. U shhuld be able to be loved without being required to give it up and damn sure shouldnt last only a day. I started to have that feeling deonides mentioned at a young age. After a while they cant decipher the ash in your eye, im just being honest but it sounds like u have lost faith in men being gentlemen.
  5. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I'm not ashamed though. Disgusted with myself, yes. But ashamed? No. As far as I'm concerned it's the guy that should feel ashamed, for pressuring me into sex in the first place.

    It's not...I don't know. Guys don't meet what I look for I guess. I don't even know what that is, since I can't go off the "you date guys like your father" thing - haven't seen him since I was a wee bub - so its like it's all a crash test with every guy I meet, and lately it's like I've just, it takes too much effort to look for what I want.
  6. Gimiq

    Gimiq Well-Known Member

    I think if you keep talking to people on here you will eventually find on accident what you been searching for on purpose.
  7. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    Mmm...I want a real life relationship though. I can't do online or long distance. I'm a clingy girl because I want to be able to cuddle him and cuddle up in bed next to him, little physical things to give me emotional support I guess
  8. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    First, look at the bold. These are the only parts of your post that matter and those few words say more than everything else. Keep them in mind for what I'm about to say.

    You didn't push him away; you gave up your dignity and self-respect and he said "I got what I want now, so I'm done with you." NEVER let someone pressure you into opening up a very close and private part of yourself to them, ESPECIALLY when you're unwilling. Men don't want someone who they can just manipulate into bed with them because they say so and you jump to it like a dog performing tricks for him. That's just an easy meal and you got eaten like an unwitting little girl. I don't know what your backstory with him was, and I don't even think I care. You don't need to lay with everyone who wants to have sex with you just because they say so. You're old enough to understand this.

    And you're letting this experience damage your self-esteem; you don't want to disappoint another potential partner and scared they're going to use you, too - just like this guy did. So you push them away. Maybe you're starting to realize a vulnerability about yourself that you don't want opened up again. I know you deny being ashamed, but I think there is some shame there (whether you acknowledge it or realize it or not) in knowing you just let someone use you, with no willpower whatsoever of your own to stand your ground and control who has access to your body. You let men have power over you. They intimidate you, easily, and control you, easily. Easily. I suppose it is hard to look someone with this much power over you in the face.

    Have you given much thought as to why you allow men to intimidate you? I ask because the source of this tension seems to be letting them have their way with you.

    Maybe you should chill out and find yourself before trying to find a man. If you get some self-respect and know yourself and exactly how you want and deserve to be treated, then perhaps it would be easier to look anyone straight in the face because you'll know who you are, and will have more strength than you show now.

    Maybe I'm wrong about how you see yourself, but I'm just going on what you're saying and what I know to be true from experience.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2012