For 2 years i worked my ass off for one reason, to be a sailor in the USN. For as long as i can remember i wanted to be in the military. When other kids were reading Harry Potter and Goosebumps I was reading biographies on Chesty Puller and Bull Halsey. I was indoctrinated into the military mindset at a very young age and it was clear what i was going to do with my life. During my teenage years i became very depressed. I gained a lot of weight, lost interest in things, and was overall a really miserable prick. There was a few things i still enjoyed though; hockey, wrestling and of course the military. My senior year i decided to begin doing everything i needed to do to get into the Navy. I studied, obtained all the relevant paperwork, learned how to maintain firearms, nautical navigation, i knew the name and designation of every ship from carriers to destroyers. I even lost 50 lbs. Well after two years I felt I was absolutely ready to be the best damn sailor they'd ever seen. After going through the enlistment process I was DQ'd for a medical problem i thought was behind me. When I was 13 I had testicular cancer. That along with a blood disorder i acquired through the whole ordeal made certain the fact that I would never be able to do what I was meant to do. Anyway, that's where I am now. I'm not sad, just angry and empty. Where do I go from here? My entire life I've been preparing for the Navy and now I know it will never happen. I have no idea where to go from here. I had no plan b, nothing to fall back on. It's not that I'm all that sad or feeling hopeless; I've just lost all purpose in life. It feels like living just isn't a viable option anymore. I don't want to die, but what the hell am I supposed to do now?