does anyone ever fantsize

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ThornThatNeverHeals, Mar 13, 2012.

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  1. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    of their death? i mean like... going through every step, of every possible way.... dreaming up the path youd take, the way youd feel..... knowing who would block you... over and over again....

    am i just going crazy?
  2. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I've done that. At times its calmed me down. I haven't done it as much lately but I used to all the time.
  3. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    do you consider it bad or wrong? what are you feelings on it? im so confused honestly, about how i feel and what im thinking... jsut want to hear opnionions....
  4. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I don't exactly like it. obviously visioning your death is a side effect of depression and I honestly believe that a lot of people that go through severe depression picture their death in detail. Its probably not good but it is likely somewhat common amongst those with depression.
  5. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I do and it brings me peace of knowing that there is a final exit out of this miserable existence. When I just focus on that fact, makes me feel better.
  6. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    I do it all the time. I feel guilty daydreaming about ending my life though, because I know I should be thinking about how to improve my life, not end it. If I put as much time into thinking about how to be successful as I do suicide I'd probably be a lot better off and so would anyone. The weird part is I don't feel normal when I'm not fantasizing about ways to off myself, like I've been doing it for long that it's become the norm and contemplating the possibility of living now makes me uncomfortable.
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah I do...sometimes it scares me, sometimes it makes me happy...but it can become very vivid.
  8. fake.smiles92

    fake.smiles92 Member

    I do it every day. I'll be driving down the street thinking I could just..... Or walking down stairs. Or crossing the street. Anything. It makes me happy to know that if I want to end it that badly, I know how.
  9. Lastnight

    Lastnight Active Member

    I am very fragile - I understand just how delicate my body is.

    I've been pondering my death since I was in elementary school, suicide or otherwise.

    Some imaginations have been more elaborate (And explicit) then others.

    Some of them have even occurred in my dreams.

    I sometimes wonder if I'm just dreaming that I'm alive...
  10. Fredericks

    Fredericks Well-Known Member

    I do this; lately, it's been intrusive thoughts doing it, where I either get a flash of image of myself doing it or an impulse to do it or both, and it's usually scary because it'll come out of nowhere. When I'm really depressed, I imagine it, and it can be comforting to know I have a way out if I need it.
  11. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    I do it every day and it helps me. Like riv498 said, it calms. It makes me feel strong. I know that I always have the choice. And it reminds me how fragile humans really are, which makes me feel better because I hate it when people act like they control the world. Imagine school, the teachers think they can control the students, if you jump out the window, you prove how wrong they are. The same thing at home, or anywhere else. It gives me a feeling of freedom and strength.
  12. Leland

    Leland Member

    Recently, I do that all the time. At the moment I can't help but be convinced that nearly everyone in my life would be better off without me, so the fantasies actually have a warm, giving feel. What makes these fantasies really infuriating is the fact that I've committed myself to not dying. The belief that I will kill myself eventually is still there, and there are times when it seems like the only moral thing to do, the only thing that makes sense. with the decision I've made to live isn't easy :/
  13. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    WOW Someone actually thinks like I do.My therapist said if I put half the energy into improving my life as I do on suicide, life would be good. But the thought haunt me and feels more normal than thinking about good things.
  14. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    aye, exactly! yet its frustrating because i know i shouldnt be like this, yet i feel weird not being such....
  15. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    I think the reason that contemplating suicide has such a soothing effect is because over time it's become our one and only security blanket (I think of it more as a rag, really). Through isolation that is caused by depression we eventually lose most if not all alternative methods of coping with our problems, and coming out of depression they're extremely difficult to relearn, thus why it's so easy to fall back into depression; because when you lose that thought of anything can be avoided or solved through death you essentially have nothing to fall back on, and suddenly life is more fearful and complicated than ever.

    @Cymbele: I like to think of myself as my own therapist. If you can be analytical about your depression it's likely that no therapist is going to be able to tell you something you haven't already thought of yourself. Not to say they're useless; I sometimes wish I had a therapist just so I had someone to talk to openly, which is really what their main purpose is and in that sense anyone can be a therapist, especially those people who take the time to listen here on SF.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2012
  16. PainIsLife

    PainIsLife Member

    Only when I'm distracted by something do I not think about it. It just feels normal now and doesn't make me feel guilty at all.
  17. thingsaregonnachange

    thingsaregonnachange Well-Known Member

    Lately I've been lying in bed for long periods of time imagining myself dead or living another reality.

    Sometimes it's another planet, sometimes it's how my life would've been if things happened differently 10 years ago.

    I've decided I'm going to do it. I have about four months left.
  18. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hope this isn't being too much things, but another reality sounds better than being dead. And, another reality CAN happen, honest - as the ad says "It may not happen overnight, but it will happen"....... Listen - I made the biggest mistake of my life 15 years ago..... thinking I was doing the right thing...... but caused some very wrong things, and I really believed that suicide was my only option. Like you said in your other post - the psyche gets involved, and I agree, yes, it does....

    But psyches can also find healing and be healed...... Hope is not a lie. Blessings and strength :reub:
  19. trish247oyamg2

    trish247oyamg2 New Member

    I do everyday
  20. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    yes, i do this too.... its hard because i feel so horrid when i do it. its relaxing though, its lets me get out of my own mind, and let my mind run itself without me directing it. i used to do this everyday, but lately am so utterly exuasted i just fall asleep :sigh:
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