Does anyone feel like self-hatred has become a part of your identity?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bleach, Mar 12, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    I do. Every day only reinforces the theme that I was born to lose... born into the wrong genes and the wrong family... going absolutely nowhere and failing everything I attempt along the way.

    People say to believe in yourself and you will feel better, but why would I?... would you believe in something ridiculous on pure heresay?... why would I believe in something when i have overwhelming proof that it isnt true? This isn't just a frame of mind, this is who I am. I know i'm a worthless failure like I know there is ground under foot.

    When someone criticizes me I don't feel offended, just embarrassed and ashamed that someone has found out the truth. I know for a fact that every word is true.
  2. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. The self-loathing is followed by an admission of defeat and then apathy.
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    Yep, I feel the same way. I have a long list of negative self-talk, but what gives me a tiny bit of comfort is that I've been wrong about some things on the list. For instance, when I attempted I told myself that I was absolutely alone in this world (why was I alone? because I am a loser...) but since then I have had more support than I ever imagined.... friends, professional supports, family have all stepped up. So now I must admit, even though I feel incredibly lonely, I am not, in fact, alone.

  4. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni


    :( Youve described it so fucking well.

    Fact is fact, failure is failure. You simply cannot deny the truth about yourself indefinately. There is such a thing is being overly critical, not giving yourself a chance, setting unrealistic goals, but theres also the cold, harsh reality of fucking up, over, and over, and over. Thats how I feel, thats how ive always felt, and despite numerous attempts at brainwashing myself, its still there. Im not dumb enough to buy my own bullshit.

    That being said, you seem pretty smart to me ;) could it be the case your being a little tough on yourself?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2008
  5. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I must agree with this. Its foollish to go against the proof. :(
  6. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Absolutely! I feel self hatred is part of my identity, it's who I am, therefore part of my indentity. I don't think anything could make me like myself.
  7. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    It's an awkward feeling.
  8. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    In some ways it isn't so bad.
    The inferiority complex can lead to overcompensation, thus you could pull off some pretty long shots because you underestimate yourself.
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I think the first step in recovering is to love yourself. If you don't love yourself then it will never get better. I've never stopped loving myself, even though sometimes, I was quite disappointed. Just don't be so hard on yourselves guys. Everyone makes mistakes. :hug:
  10. i feel the same way,its alright :/
  11. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I find it VERY hard to do this, but I believe you are right.
  12. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Yeah. That's one of my issues as well. It's hard to be angry with them when I know what they're saying about me is true. About the only thing that does piss me off is that they're rude enough to say it when it should be obvious that I can see my own flaws well enough without having some asshole remind me of them constantly.

    You'd think they'd figure that at 34 years old, if there was something I could realistically do about them, I would have (or would have at least tried).
  13. ava.

    ava. Well-Known Member

    I wish it wasn't. :(
  14. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I agree with Dave. Although bleach is also right in saying that simply believing in yourself isn't enough. You can't just say "Hey self, guess what? BAM, I love you!", you have to actually have reasons to love yourself. The good part is it doesn't take all that much effort to love yourself if you have a reason for it, it is loving yourself in the face of others' dislike that is the real test of your self-image. If you actually believe that you were born to fail and there's a sign over every task you attempt proclaiming "ALL HOPE ABANDON YE WHO START ME" there is not going to be much progress. Reading someone's post and saying "Yeah, I agree with that." is not enough either, you have to actually get up and do something physical about it. Even God only helps those who help themselves, as someone said in an earlier post, and if not even He will help you I would say that is a pretty unlucky situation to find yourself in.
  15. nicesinging1

    nicesinging1 Well-Known Member

    Yes, I feel self-hatred has become a part of my identity. There are clear objectives that I want to accomplish in my life. I even write them in my journal often to remind myself. Yet, I keep struggling with depression. I feel like I am giving everything I got, yet the end result is that I am still struggling bad in achieving my objectives. Sometimes just living a life each day feels like a hell. Constant struggles turn into frustrations which then turn into anger and self-hatred. I sometimes ask myself, "If trying my best isn't enough, why was I even born in this world?"
  16. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    What does it mean to "do something physical about it"?

    Also, yeah, I agree with that. :p But I still don't know what to do...
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2008
  17. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I can understand that loving yourself is difficult if people are constantly saying mean things about you. I had a hard time loving myself when I was being bullied as a child. I thought that there was something wrong with me. But I was wrong. I eventually realized that they were just being ignorant. I was just a normal human being, just like all of you guys. We're all different and unique in our own ways, but we all deserve to be loved and to love ourselves for who we are.
  18. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    It depends on the problem, I would say. For me the issues were things like feeling worthless, left-behind by my friends, timid and shy around women, even awkward around other guys, terrible grades, you name it. My high school days were coming to an end, my grades were crap and I felt like I was missing out on so much, that this was not how life was supposed to be and I was just an utter failure. There were many times when I wished I had the guts to go and do something about my life and all my attempts just ended in half-hearted failure, I'm one of those people that starts something with a lot of enthusiasm and rarely sees it through to the end. I believe the last straw was when I was sitting down in an ice cream store licking a cone and this stunning woman walked in. She didn't even glance at me. She bought two cones, left and hopped in an expensive car and handed one cone to a guy in the other seat. It struck me then that if I didn't do something that that would probably be the story of my life.

    Honestly, I spent a ton of time on the internet reading. Weeks, months even. I read stories from other people who faced similar problems. I read articles on overcoming shyness, talking to people in general, talking to women specifically, dating, I started swimming and jogging on a regular basis, stopped trying to fit in with the rest of the crowd and began studying my brains out. It was hard, it still is hard, there were a lot of times when I was hurt and embarrassed badly but just making the effort made me feel so alive, like I was a part of something, like what I was doing actually had meaning. It made me feel like "Wow, I'm not completely useless, I actually can make progress." If I said I was going to go jogging at five in the evening I went, if I told someone I would pay them back at so and so time, I did. Things like that built up on my self-image, I felt dependable, decisive, a far cry from the me a few months ago. When I felt more sure of myself I made friends with an attractive girl I had a crush on for a while and to my surprise it was awesome, about three months later we were dating. I felt more confident, more attractive, pretty much more everything.

    I still have hardships and days when I feel terrible but the point of it all is that for better or for worse, I'm happy. I understand that while things can be bad, life goes on and it isn't the end of the world. I know this answer is a bit long but I just wanted to make what I meant by actually doing something as clear as possible and that there is always hope but you have to set the stage for change to happen. If I had done nothing or made the same half-hearted attempts life would still be a terrible, pointless mess. If you've read this far kudos to you for having a longer than average attention span, best of luck.
  19. NoOneKnows

    NoOneKnows Member

    Self hatred is my life. I don't think it is ever going to change. But i want it to soooo bad. I don't think i can handle much more.
  20. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    I can attest to that, that's what i did and that's what it is.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.