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Does anyone feel like they don't know how to be happy?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by low, Feb 25, 2009.

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  1. low

    low Member

    You know, some people that are depressed or commit suicide can still at times be happy, or might even often laugh. A person might do the worst to themselves and then you hear their freinds or family saying they had no idea, what a huge shock, they seemed to always laugh. Granted this might not have been a long depression, it could have been sudden or substance related, but still...

    Does anyone feel like they just genuinely don't know how to enjoy life? I'm not asking 'Does anyone feel like they don't enjoy life?' I know alot of people on this forum quite probably are in that situation. I'm asking: Does anyone feel like they just genuinely don't know how to enjoy life? I'm don't meen to insult anyones intelligence by repeating that there btw, I just wanted to illustrate the difference clearly.

    I come from a town in the North East of England where almost everyone for example is football crazy. I remember one year, the world cup final was on one night. I was the only person in the gym, the staff were standing there looking sick as fuck, wishing they had a pint in there hand at the pub. I couldn't care less about the final.

    I don't have a job after dropping out of uni, and whilst I genuinely know I can't do certain jobs because of anxiety - that's why I can't go back to gym instructing anymore, I can't handle people, serving the public, and some other things but my lack of interest in anything; I will admit stops me from putting alot of effort into searching.

    I don't care to get to know anyone, I basically don't like people in general (that's not a strict rule, just generally) though I do have empathy to people, I don't like seeing innocent people getting hurt, I believe in justice.

    I have little interest in most things, I was interested in my course at uni, but didn't really enjoy it...or learn much because I have a couple of sleep problems. I was Zombied most of the time.

    I feel like I spite myself when it comes to love. I will never tell woman that I have cared about how I feel because I believe she deserves better, or I don't want to bring her down, or I don't want to ruin a freindship: all this despite the fact that I was crazy in love with someone I talked to almost every day for 2 years whilst studying, I'm incredibly lonely and I have a huge sex drive.

    So, I feel like I have very little interest or passion or love in life, things that I do; I will have an arkward and strange kind of ...guilt. I am miserable. I'm not religious or spiritual - I'm an athiest, I see no meaning in alot of things, I feel like I'm broken, I don't work properly.

    How can I teach myself to enjoy things, when I only know how to feel bad?
  2. kris..

    kris.. Well-Known Member

    Wow..its just like you've summed up my life, except that i am a bit younger..

    Very sorry that i cant post anything helpful or contructive..
  3. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    I feel like that sometimes. I feel like I should be happy and wonder why I am not.
  4. Winslow

    Winslow Antiquitie's Friend SF Supporter

    The only way I can answer the initial post is by saying that for me, what gives me the strength to go on for each day at a time is Purpose and Meaning. Find a purpose in life, something to which you dedicate and devote yourself. On the other hand, if All you do is just seek out pleasure (e.g., sex) then you will continue to feel empty.
  5. screwback

    screwback Member

    I don't think there is anything on this earth that can truly make me happy. I have love for friends and family, but that's all. I am not happy. I don't like people, the general public. In fact i hate the general public. I don't particularly like myself as well. Life for me is just one giant endless struggle, with no reward at the end, unless dying is counted as a reward.:biggrin:
    So yeah, i feel very unhappy almost all of the time. Normal things that usually make people happy, like money, going out, socializing, just doesn't interest me, and i find subconsciously thinking about the meaning of life better for some reason.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Most certainly!! But all my friends and family know they can come to me even when I'm at my worst and I wil manage to make them laugh. No matter how hard they are having it, I will make them laugh. But I cant do it for myself. It gives me such a good feeling to be able to take someone who is so low and get them to share a giggle or two. But me I have nothing left to laugh about and dont remember what real happiness is like. And damn it this make believe happy just doesnt cut it for me anymore.
  7. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    There are times when I am able to laugh at things...and I outwardly try to show happiness but telling dumb jokes etc....but I havent been happy in a really long time. And I am not sure how to get happy again.:sad:
  8. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    aw, i'm sorry you feel this way :(

    depression is known to zap a person's energy or enjoyment level. when i was really really depressed i lost interest in everything, even things i know i should enjoy or have enjoyed before. i felt almost numb because i was so unhappy.

    i felt like i lacked energy so much that ambition and courage just seems non-existent. i just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.

    but what i found worked best for me was changing how i thought about things. i made friends who were new and made me think a lot more positively because they themselves were very ambitious and excited about life. i wanted to be like them and so i realized that i needed to change my mindset.

    the expression of seeing the glass half empty or half full is incredibly true. if you look at a situation in a relaxed and positive manner then you can find the good in anything and can be happy. i always felt like i didn't have any options when i was depressed... then i found out that that is far from the truth. the other options may not be the desired one, but i never have to jump to the worst possible conclusion. there is always another choice.

    i also found that eating healthier and getting better sleep helped. i stopped being nocturnal and embraced the sunlight when i could. the sun is biologically and chemically good for you.

    another thing too that helped me A LOT was something a friend told me. it was just to not care. when bad stuff happens and you've done your best then there's no reason to mull it over and regret it. you just move on and forget about it. what's done is done.

    and once i started coming out of my depression, i started to realize a lot that helped more.

    i was so wrapped up in my paranoia and so afraid of what other's thought about me that i didn't realize that how people may act around me or stuff they may say usually had nothing to do with me. everyone is worried about their own lives and so of course its not like they are going to go out of their way to make a fool out of me or care about what i'm doing. that takes too much energy anyways especially when they are too busy worrying about their own problems. realizing this made me so much more confident.

    and i don't think anyone is ever happy always with their life. life is full of ups and downs, it wouldn't be living if it was anything else.

    and just so you know because you asked at the beginning. the most dangerous time for someone to commit suicide is when someone is getting better after depression and seems like they are doing good. this is because they have the energy to do the act but are still having feelings of depression.

    i'm sorry for writing so much. i hope you feel better love! please don't feel this way! we're here for you!

    i send my love

  9. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    as long as you are heathy and have functioning hormones you can find happiness, sometimes you need to search for it or reinvent yourself
  10. Oni

    Oni Active Member

    I somewhat can relate to most of it here. Though, I do have a little comment, if you don't know to feel happy, then how can you know what you're NOT feeling. I had some moments of "happiness" in my life and I know what I'm missing out on, hence it causes me to be like I am today.

    I feel that it does get worse over time. If I take the threadstarters example of the footbalgame, it's something I can relate too as I'm probably, overly critical on making a complete fool of myself. There is no reason in acting like I'm in complete euphoria and that's what my mind is set at, every day I wake up.

    Sometimes I "joke" around saying a pessimist is a good informed optimist, which does hold some truth. I does keep you in a vicious circle, but expecting the worst can only just cheer you up.

    If I look at myself, passions, goals and whatnot... I do have some. Do they make me happy? No, not at the moment. Do they keep me hopeful, yeah. A thing that does make me feel unhappy is the fact that society doesn't grant enough time and freedom to try and enjoy passions and goals. I don't have an "avid" passion for achieving the usual stuff like getting a decent paid job and what not. I'd prefer my life to just be a quest for happiness, but we all know that's not happening.

    Currently, I can still cope with it, albeit a bit less everyday. I guess registering here and seeing what's going on, is step more towards my awareness of plan B.
  11. smk

    smk Well-Known Member

    a case of incompatibility, at least you hold an understanding of yourself no? i think a lot of the sadness in men and perhaps women derives from that desire for one another. how tragic it all seems the occurrence of these two sexes. if we could just stop thinking about one another, but then we would die out...it probably wouldn't be a bad thing.

    that thing that saddens me most (used to hopefully) is the disparity between how i wanted things to be and how they simply are...

    something that seems to cheer me up is this: at least am not hungry and no creature is trying to eat me. maybe you could come up with your own worse case scenario
  12. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    i've felt the exact same way: i don't know how to enjoy life.
    i don't enjoy anything. haven't since i was a child, probably. don't know how happy i was then, either.
    i went to a dance last night, and talked to some people, and danced with a couple, and had an absolutely miserable time.
    suicide is the only option. i rue every morning that i wake up.
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i know how to be happy but sometimes i hurt too much to be happy. i don't like being suicidal. or hurting.
  14. low

    low Member

    Like you said Oni, you have experienced happiness and it makes you feel like you are today, knowing what you miss out on, so have I. Though I feel like it was such a long time ago. So yes, I remember better times as a teen, as a kid. Though at that time I was never an exstatic, really excitable guy. I was always kind of bland in my mood. That said, if I could go back to that time now after seeing what life has brought me, and this shitty, hopeless, soulless outlook on life I have; then I strongly believe I would be geniunely happy, content and with relative peace in my heart.

    I also tried to change my outlook on things (as endlessskies58 suggested), I'm sure it can and does work for a few people but CBT did little for me, maybe I need to try again, give it more time? Maybe I need to apply this in a better environment; like when I am actually working/meeting new people. When I was last doing this...well I was basically how I am now, on my own doing nothing with little change

    Thanks for the replies, a couple of them really made me consider some things, though I am not sure at this point of anything I am interested in and I can't find anything to devote myself to as someone suggested. I feel like saying I will be searching though at this point I have little hope. I wish I could close this reply with something more posative but that's how I feel.
  15. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    Yeah I feel this way at times, I have had epilepsy since I was 3 years old, and I cannot explain in words how life altering this is to me, I cannot drive..ever, I have to walk where I can and take a public bus to any far place I have to be.

    I am not able to do alot of heavily athletic excercises, because the medication i take makes me lose energy real quick, also I have a loss of memory on account of it.
    Also it has proven so hard for me to keep a job, that I had to get SSI just so I can have my own place.
    It has been so hard to find my place, every day is almost the same as the next, and I really don't have any friends anymore, aside from one person, but she is a real busy girl trying to raise her kid, work and go to school.
    So most the time its just me, I maybe see Laura once every few months.

    Right now my only escape is playing WoW most the time.

    But it feels my seizures have taken away so many things I could of had in my life, and I feel robbed because of that.
    and I think thats one reason why t hard fro me to be happy.
  16. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I have an incredibly difficult time being happy. Mostly because I've been sad for so much of my life. I was sad as a young child, sad through adolescents, sad through my young adult life, and entering the 26th year, sad for the beginning of my adult life.

    Some people are doomed to be unhappy for however long their life may be. I have periods of success but they brought no happiness. I have girlfriends but then I only hurt them and me. I have a love of music, writing, and theater - but all are unable to stave off suicide or melancholy.

    I have a generally decent family and I have no problem finding the silver lining in life. Amid my most recent break down I had tens of networks forming and recreating. Tons of opportunities, but again I was unhappy.

    During periods of sadness, hunger, and empty bank accounts I've also been unhappy. The one thing that would make me happy is not being me. Now in public I interact with my environment well - for the most part, anyhow. I'm friendly, flirty, and always engage in conversations. But underneath it all is a horrible beast that is called depression. I really don't think I'll ever be free of it.
  17. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    .....in my opinion, depression and suicidal urges are two very separate and evil beasts.

    you can be depressed, even severely depressed, and not have suicidal urges. and i believe that those who do NOT suffer depression, in times of life crises, can still have suicidal urges.

    then there are those people who suffer from neither. i have always been the middle person. . . . but now i have depression too. great. :rolleyes:

    i have hope of moving past the depression - am convinced it is temporary due to my situation. the suicidal urges. the dark ones.. that's what i call them. they don't call often . but they still call. i run from them each time. and have never been caught, yet.

    i do know how to be happy. i am happy quite a lot of the time. in many parts of my life things are great. my family. my friends. my children. someone i care for deeply. there is happiness in all these areas.

    i have always had a theory, still in development, that those who feel the most pain, are those who also feel the most love. and are damaged more easily, because of the tenderness of their hearts....
  18. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I was drilled from a little kid to show no emotion and then I joined the Marines and they also drilled it in you to show no emotion. So I have carried that all my life..I don't find anything in life enjoyable..I care about my family, daughter, grandaughter, and my dog. But I can't seem to love them. Love to me is just another four letter word,..So being happy?? Not going to happen in this lifetime!!!
  19. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    I was just curious do you tend to avoid doing things because it seems dull, boring and pointless, or do you try new things and still find it boring. I always find that most things seem like more effort than it's worth, or like it won't be fun, I won't fit in, but it's best to just throw yourself in at those things and just do it, you might be able to find something to distract yourself for a while.
  20. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I am one of those poor souls that has both, depression (manic) and suicidal ideations.

    I have no idea how to be happy. Oh there are days when I feel a little better. Like the day I got my cat, or the day I got my PS2 or the day I got my LCD TV...but I have not been happy in a long time. And I dont know how.
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